My Marriage?

Question

My wife and I married in San Diego, last december no wedding just the courthouse. Now for the last 3 months band forth she goes about divorce. She says "I am not in love with you and so you deserve someone else who is going to be in love with you." Then in a couple of days it is " I love you so so much, let's have kids and start a family" What do i tell her, she says I am bing unfair to not let her go, and I am a sweetheart to her, never cheat I do so much for her, take care of her, sing for her write her little notes, don't go out with the guys to drink every wekend, and I am sensitive to her needs. I need to know this, Am I crazy or stupid to tell her to try try and try, or what?
i feel like that if we can try it would work out, and the spark will to be lit by us working on it together.
I need to know some answers please, Should I stay or Shoul I let her go?
Thanks Sam

She says she does appreciate the things I do for her, she evens says that maybe somwhere down the road she will regret it. ( Lettng Me Go)
I have asked her about the back and forth thing and this is the answer, " I was trying to convince myself that this is the one and I want him, and then I feel this way again."
I am so confused.

She is a bit on the bi poloar side, I think and she will say maybe she is. After she says things like she wants a divorce, the next day or a couple of hours will go by and she will come back calmly and tell me she is sorry for being crazy.

Answer 1

She does sound bipolar, but don't dump her because of that as suggested.. She doesn't have control over it. It's not a choice she made. It is a medical condition that can be treated. She's crying out for help and as her spouse, you have to be that soft place for her to fall.

Answer 2

Tough one, Sam.

If she says those things to you, then, unfortunately, she probably doesn't love you. I'm sorry to say it like that. But you don't say those things to someone you're in love with.

Maybe you all could go to some counseling. I wouldn't start a family, that's for sure. Kids are a lot of work and can throw a wrench in the best of relationships, and if you're already on a rocky one, that wouldn't be a good idea.

I don't know how old you all are, but, if you all are still in your 20's it might be the fact that she doesn't really know what love is or what she wants in life.

Good luck to you all, take your time, and don't rush into anythign, especially a family.

Answer 3

Are you sure she isn't bi-polar? These flip-flopping and totally contradictory mood swings might be an indicator. Does she act similarly regarding other aspects of her life? Particularly at the same time she's acting one way or another toward you? For example, does she hate her job at the same time she's asking for a divorce but love it while she's wanting to have kids?

Regardless, such instability isn't good for anyone. There are other issues that need resolving. Have you considered counseling? Would you? Would she? If you really want to save your marriage, you may need to make sure she understands how unsettling her behavior is and how much you want to find a way that you both can be happy ALL the time.

Answer 4

Ask your wife if she wants to stay married.....then you have to ask yourself the same question.

If you both want to make it work you should see a marriage counselor because your wife needs to grow up and be an adult. She's playing silly games and you don't do that in a marriage.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Counseling, Counseling, Counseling. You both need it, together. She may need personal counseling as well. I believe she can't decide what she wants who she is or why she is on this earth. For someone to go to the extremes like that makes me feel like she has some deep rooted problems that are trying to reach the surface. She may not even know what is eating at her. This is for sure, nobody can be happy with someone else until they are happy with themseves. If you truly love her, convince her to go to counseling. If she wants to love you, and/or herself, she'll go. I truly wish you the best of luck... You have a tough road ahead of you.

Answer 6

She doesn't seem to know what she wants and she sure doesn't appreciate anything you are doing for her. I normally would probably say see a counselor but to be honest with you without coming on in a rude way, I think by the sounds of things she needs to speak to someone on her own. good luck to you. ;o)

Answer 7

First, I would sit down and explain to her just how much she really means to you, and that you are willing to be with her until the end. At that point I would ask her what it is she really wants out of the relationship. Tell her that you are getting mixed signals by her going back and forth.

If she truly wants out, then let her out. It isn't fair to either one of you if just one of you wants out. No matter how much it hurts, it is better to let go. If you do treat her as you say you do, then sooner or later, she is going to see just what she missed out on.

But really the key here....COMMUNICATE!!! Find out what she wants, tell her your concerns and feelings, and above all that you are committed to her through the end.

Answer 8

Is she bipolar, depressed or simply can't make up her mind. Me, I would tell her to come back when she can decide what she wants. Definitely do not bring any kids into the world when she can't even decide if she loves you or not.

Answer 9

It's a hard thing to let someone go, but if she wants to go there is nothing you can do to keep her from leaving.

She knows you are wonderful to her and it will be truly her loss. I wish my ex husband were as devoted as you, we might not be divorced. GL

Answer 10

Do NOT start a family with this person.

Go get counseling together - you both need help determining what you want to do and what to commit to.