We have 3 children, active at our church, and he went out of town for 7 weeks on business, and met this person who doens't have custody of her kids, no job, met her at a bar....smokes...drinks...everything he HATES. Jan. 1st he gets ownership in the company he works for...we have waited and worked hard for this time to come...and now he will be sharing it with her?????? I REFUSE to divorce him.
2006-12-12 13:24:19 · 36 answers · asked by Mz B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like u are doing everything right. i wouldn't divorce him either.
find out for sure--from the goat's mouth what is goin on with this new chick. Pray about it and keep it moving. life is too short. I know it won't be easy to just up and leave him, but if you been there for him through it all for 23 years it is not fair at all for the new chick to get a red cent.
2006-12-12 13:30:31 · answer #1 · answered by myfianceisamonkey 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well I am floored that you wrote how he hates everything she stands for such as smoking drinking met at a bar etc. Get a grip this has nothing to do with his religion. And if he were this Christian God Fearing Man that walked the line as you outline, he would not have done this would he? For it is against what the bible teaches. So, your christian man is a normal human being that walked out of line and fell for another human being. You do not have to agree to divorce him, the courts will guide him with his atty through this to end the marriage in dissolution. Just because you say you will not allow this does not mean that is the end result. Everyone has the right to divorce we do not need consent from our partner. Just makes it easier to accomplish if we agree that it is over. You are so hurt as well you should be. But please your husband is a human being and stop putting him on this pedistal saying everything he is against when it is exactly what he went looking for. Did you stop to think he has wanted a different way for a long time? Maybe your religious beliefs are not exactly his...may he pretended....maybe he is in middle life crisis or just a jerk. I am so sorry your hurting but please do not lose your self worthiness or respect. If this man no longer wants you, you are too good to plead beg or attempt to force someone to be with you that does not want to be. Seek counseling for you, heal you!
2006-12-12 14:01:21 · answer #2 · answered by chattylady47150 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry this is happening to you. I was married for 25 years before my marriage ended in divorce. We were also active in the church and I thought my husband was a christian until his actions proved otherwise. It was the worst decision I ever made, asking him for a divorce, but I knew that my marriage was not glorifying God in any way. I would suggest that you try and get your husband to attend christian counseling, make an appt for the pastor or an elder of the church that you trust to come over and speak with the two of you together. Hindsight is always better then foresight, but why would any husband leave his family for 7 weeks? No job is worth that kind of time away from the family. Satan loves to give us opportunity to fall into his grasp and sounds like he was successful this time with your hubby. Good luck and God bless.
2006-12-12 13:47:15 · answer #3 · answered by Sally B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear this. but you can't stop someone from refusing them a divorce he doesn't need your permission.
whether christian man or not, sometimes people grow out of love for a variety of reasons. He just was tired of pretending and some where along the lines you two fell out of love happens to many people not your fault or his sometimes people just grow apart or want different things in life. or sometimes what you had at the beginning slowly died over the last 23 years. and time is short and he's getting older and maybe he realizes theres got to be more to life than staying in a marriage he doesn't want to be in.
Iknow you feel hurt anyone would be when someone splits up whether there dating or married . But you will have to go on with your life and the next chapter as he is going to find his and move on to his next chapter in life.
Try and remember the good times you shared and that you were lucky for the 23 years you had together you grew you learned you probably had kids out of it and some good times together. nothing last for ever. you had a long run at it. and now its time to move on to something else in life. I know its hard when your hurting but you can't make someone stay with you if they dont' love you anymore. People grow people change just like the seasons . Everything has its time in life
I would try to remember the positives you shared in the 23 years and God will see you through the next chapter in your life.
2006-12-12 17:13:21 · answer #4 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry to hear about your husband.
I suppose first you need to decide within yourself if you would even take him back if he came crawling? If not, then unfortunately you should probably get a divorce for your own sake. If you do want him back, I think you need to evaluate the likeliness of that actually happening. I'm sure the divorce courts will take into consideration everything that has happened, if you take that route.
I am terribly sorry for this, I know as a single woman, sometimes I avoid the possibility of a relationship, simply because I wouldn't know what to do if it ended. You say you are a member of your church? Surround yourself with friends, talk to them about it.. Pray for the strength to get through this and make sure your children don't get forgotten in all of this. Even if they are older, the children will feel the effects of the separation.
2006-12-12 13:31:25 · answer #5 · answered by kimison_au 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That will just make the divorce that much longer, painful and expensive. Not to mention what a divorce that ugly will be like for your children. If he wants to leave, then I would contact a good lawyer to get custody of the kids. If it can be worked out somehow then great; but if he is intent on getting the divorce fighting it will make it a lot worse for you and your kids.
I do understand wanting to make him suffer with a long drawn out divorce; but I believe that you can't stop him from getting a divorce. Or he could be like fine, I'm not divorcing you or paying any child support and going to live with whatever her name is.
2006-12-12 13:31:00 · answer #6 · answered by Firienscatha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well for one I don't know the laws of divorce in the state your in, but in Texas you get half of everything and the 3 kids get child support till they are 18 maybe even up until they graduate from college. SO you are going to get more than your share and the best thing to do is divorce him and get a good lawyer and go after all you can get, maybe even get everything and leave him and her in the streets. SO file for divorce and get everything you deserve. Becasue why are you still going to be married to him when he will be enjoying your and his money on someone else. and also the children's money on a slut for all that's worth.
2006-12-12 13:31:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well take it from a person who's been in a similar situation. I felt the same way except the other woman was my best friend. It will be the hardest thing you could ever go through but you will be stronger than ever. If he wants to get divorce do it I know its hard but you have to let it go for u and your kids. Take it one day at a time.and remember to keep God in you life he will be your guide through the hard part . Things willl never be the same but make the best of a bad situation. Pray all the time and get closer than ever to God and thing wil get allot better in time .Keep good friend around.
2006-12-12 14:05:03 · answer #8 · answered by jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guess he doesn't HATE it as much as you thought .... hold on til the ownership goes through ... you get half of his share in the company ... but the bottom line is that being the community icon does not automatically make for great communication in your marriage ... a marriage wont survive on autpilot, you both have to work at it to keep the communication solid.
2006-12-12 13:38:32 · answer #9 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may not have to divorce him but you do need to move on emotionally and spiritually. The law can be used to effectively make sure your rights and those of your kids are taken care of, but you yourself need to move on and realize this may be a blessing in disguise. Perhaps the best thing is to settle with him, give him his freedom, and let the Harpy have him. Just a suggestion, but payback doesn't always have to come quickly, sometimes slowly and painfully can work as well.
2006-12-12 13:32:06 · answer #10 · answered by ron k 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋