My boyfreind and I have been dating for about a year and a half we are both in our mid 30's. We have broken up several times but have been doing exceptionally well as of late. Since the beginning of the relationship I have been honest and stated that if we werent living together in a year or looking to get married in two then I would be gone. I very much want to have children and have wasted too much time on men who wont commit in the past. Now that things are going well, i have hinted that I want to live together to never get a direct response. When I back off and act like I dont care - then he drops hints like he is looking to buy a bigger home, told his family hes ready to settle down, etc. However hes never asked me to move in. We spend all our time together anyway. He refuses to have a direct conversation about this and I dont want to push and lose the progress we have had. I love this guy very much.Is he screwing with my head or what? Help! Is he yet ANOTHER commitmentphobe?
2006-12-12 13:22:02 · 13 answers · asked by chcknbizkit 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PS: hes walking the walk...taking me to family functions, very generous to me. but hes just not ponying up to the real question. Trying to talk to him about this is literally like pulling a clam out of its shell. I seem to do better when I have interest in other things. He trys harder.
2006-12-12 13:36:34 · update #1
Don't do it - this comes from my own experiences. If you live with a man before you are married and he is already obviously the type of man who procrastinates and does not wish to move forward in a relationship at the same pace as you would like, you will definitely regret moving in with him. The old adage "why buy the cow when the milk is free" is my #1 slogan. He will probably never marry you, and if he does it will be years of anger & resentment of living with him before you finally wear him down enough to agree to get married. There is absolutely no incentive for a man to marry a woman if you are already cohabitating together as if you were married. I have a girl friend who is 32 yrs old and has put in 4 years with her boyfriend. They've been living together for 2 1/2 years and she wants to get married and have children, but of course he's in no hurry and honestly why should he be? She's already giving him everything he needs without him making any commitments on his part. She of course does not want to just walk away from him after all the time she's put into the relationship...and I know she's going to regret this decision later on in life.
You love him very much but you need to step back. Make yourself less available, go out with your girl friends, start a class or hobby. If he realizes that you have interests other than him, it might be enough to help him realize just how important you are to him. Or....at the very least, you might actually meet someone with similar interests of your own - I'm talking about another man. If you so happen to make friends with another man, it could spark some jealousy. Just be careful that you keep the relationship platonic until you have completely severed your current relationship as I don't advocate cheating. Just don't put your blinders on just yet!
Good luck & Merry Christmas!
2006-12-12 14:03:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to look up the word cohabitation and its meaning. Now, living in sin is another subject. I would consider it a a sin if I had a sexual relationship with a roommate. I would consider it a sin if I look at my roommate in the nude or took a shower with them etc.. as sin. If I had a roommate that was not a born again believer and drank smoked and did things that pertain to the world. Cohabitation is not living in sin if you're not playing house I mean acting as if married. There got to be an honest purpose to cohabit with someone to which it wouldn't deviate from your moral beliefs. Paying for expenses of room and board, eating accommodations those things that lead to mutual cooperation. But also in such the case with a born again believer living abroad with another born again believer of opposite sex. I would not have an affection for such a person because our cause and drive to preach and teach the Word of God to people around the world that Jesus is Lord. I wouldn't cross that bridge because I LOVE Jesus too much to offend Him. That is where the truth and suffering lies. I have to have TRUE LOVE and not exploit the principles that are handed down by GOD. Because God is my Judge. But if you feel it offends someone you know then you need to respond in a positive way. Do it so that your conscience doesn't convict you. This is Satan ploy to get you to breach the covenant of righteousness. Pray and do what is right in the sight of God.
2016-05-23 16:30:38 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop wasteing your pretty and time on this man.... why would you want to live with a man. How does that benifit you. He will live with you until you are in your mid 30's to 40's then leave you for a younger woman. If you have any desire to settle down and get married and not live the rest of of your life alone after 40 then you best be looking for a good man to marry or you will be single alone and raising a child who's only sees his father every other weekend and couple of time every other weekday... You are right... you don't have much time to settle down and have a family... there would be no way that I would live with a man and then get pregnant... You are setting yourself up for a huge disapointment..and raising a child whos father is not in the picture... don't be selfish here... find someone who wants the same thing you want.. and do not go for anybody younger than you.... but from the sound of it this man you are dating is not the one...
2006-12-12 13:32:39 · answer #3 · answered by Autumns Destany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THIS IS ONE OF THE TOUGHEST QUESTIONS IN YOUR LIFE!!
The only problem is your age...you r at the top of the mountain and one wrong move could send u sliding all the way down!!
from what I've recently learned from the books below...if u demand that he committs to u and he doesn't u can't back down...you have to move on!! If you take him back which you should NEVER do it won't work!! He won't respect you..
If he accepts your bluff there is 90% chance he is going to immediately marry the next decent girl that comes along for fear of losing her....U trained him, now he's off running the same race w/ a new philly!!
Remember mid-30's is prime time for men. Not for women never been married. If he's balding you have a chance, but if he's truly hot...he may walk! The ONLY reason men hesitate is for financial reasons or the "looks" of their mate. YOU! Sad but true....
I don't have THE ANSWER but sound advice!
Hugs Honey...
2006-12-12 13:31:51 · answer #4 · answered by Mee-OW =^..^= 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your thought that you are working "towards" something is something you want to believe, not what is really going on. I wouldn't waste my last chance at children and a family on some non commital guy. Doesn't deserve to be the one to put my fertility in the attic. NO WAY would I waste my time on a man that wasn't at least talking about marraige seriously and had a date set after a year. That is long enough to know whether or not you want to be with someone or not.
2006-12-12 13:26:50 · answer #5 · answered by sheepinarowboat 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have been with him for a year and a half then he has had plenty of time to determine what he wants to do. At his age and after this long he should be comfortable talking about the future with you. If he won't man up and talk about it instead of hinting then maybe you are wasting your time with him. He sure sounds like a commitmentphobe!
2006-12-12 13:29:14 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. Do you continue, hoping that he will finally commit, or leave when you love him.
It sounds like he has a definite commitment problem. The big question is, can you imagine him not in your life? If you can't then you might want to sit down and have the talk. If he will never commit, then as hard as it will be, then might want to considering moving on.
Unfortunately, you have to follow your heart on this one.
Good luck!
2006-12-12 13:27:34 · answer #7 · answered by GreenEyedLou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he dosn't have COMMETMENTPHOBIA.
You have a denial problem.
Seems you be giving the goods away for free to a boy and you wish you were with a man. At age 30 I bet you notice a pattern here that follows you around -- stop f'in the boys and find yourself a man. Problem is that it's pretty hard to market a 30-year old irresponsible female that sleeps with a lot boys tramp to a real man looking for the mother of his children. You should have been taught better.
Sorry
2006-12-12 13:32:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
well....you can keep wondering and guessing what the next move will be or you can ask him....if you feel that enough time has passed and you are ready to take the next step but he is not, then you have to make a decision....or you can just continue waiting for a year or two....until he decides that you are or are not the right one for him long term.....figure out what you want...go for it...if it is not going to happen in a timeframe that you can accept then move on....good luck
2006-12-12 13:27:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way you will answer this question is to simply ask.
2006-12-12 13:26:39 · answer #10 · answered by tcbtoday123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋