what do you think of my 5 min quickwrite?

Question

Why not me? cuz its not in my destiny to ever be chosen. Something bad in my karma must've prevented me from being saved. I sit alone in my cabin, waiting for my end to approach. The water gurgles in the deck beneath me, whispering my mortality for all to hear. I shiver. It's cold in the cabin. The temperature near freezing, embraces me like a lost child newly found. My skin feels numb, I can hardly move. I think back through all my years now rendered meaningless and empty by my demise. A tear escapes and rushes down my cheek. All the regret of forgotten days smites me now, cowing me with their power. The water has started to enter now. I can feel my skin being moistened by the waters caress. I no longer feel so cold. My eyelids feel heavy, but I resist the urge to close my eyes and slumber. I force myself to think on long past happy days, as the water slowly pulls me into its embrace.

Answer 1

It is kind of sad, or is that what you were going for.

Answer 2

it's sad... gd imagination, but could do better... think it would be more appropriate for profound readers... i wouldn't like it in a novel, truthfully :)

but this is only my opinion...