My friend told me of her abuse from her husband and her fear for her safety and her need to run away. I made it clear I would help her but she had to keep my assistance a secret. I feared for my safety. I hooked her up with a therapist, called in favors from friends, found her a safe place to live, and took a week off work to drive her the 400 miles to her safe location. After a month, she returned home to her husband. She has been home for a month and I have not heard from her. Her sister told me everything is going well for them. She told him I had helped her. What should I do??
2006-12-12 13:12:48 · 10 answers · asked by belle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have been in the same position as your friend for seven years - and I can tell you from experience that I'm SURE your friend only hasn't called you because she feels embarrassed, and probably feels horrible for all the trouble you went through, for her to just go back. In my case, when I would go back, I would also alienate myself from my friends because I really hoped that would somehow make my husband love me enough to treat me better. Unfortunately for your friend, it doesn't work that way. The best thing you can do is try to remain understanding, and reach out to her in whatever way you feel comfortable, let her know you are there for her because the stronger her support system, the better chance she'll leave before it's too late. I am now a single mom of three, and if I didn't have my family and couple Friends that DID put up with me, I probably would not be successfully Single right now!
2006-12-12 13:23:52 · answer #1 · answered by FAITH 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say you get a restraining order against him. I wouldn't tell him either. You never know what he might do. Men like that are especially dangerous when you are pregnant and trying to leave them. You have that double whammy against you. To be honest, I would probably charge him. You should of gone to the police the day after he did that to you. I once dated a guy who started to become abusive and I felt like he had the capability of killing me. After the last night where I felt like my life might be at stake I went to the police and played some messages he has left on my cell phone for them. We also went over a lot of different things and in the end they arrested him that day. They also kept him in jail until his court date and then we went to jail for a year. After that he was too afraid to go near me. You need to take control with this guy. You don't need him in any way. A few years from now you will look back on this and you will be proud of yourself for being so strong and taking your life back. I wish you the best of luck. You are very lucky to have a friend like Mike.
2016-05-23 16:29:46 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to sit back and wait for her to contact you. She may be ashamed that you went out of your way to help her and she did not have the courage to follow through. She probably went back to him because she didn't want to face life alone, or because she didn't know what else to do with herself.
He may be keeping her from contacting you because he is afraid she will leave again. I doubt that things are going well. An abuser will not be able to change that quickly. He will soon fall back into his old habits and she will be very sorry she didn't listen to you and just stay away from him.
2006-12-12 13:17:27 · answer #3 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you went through great deal to protect her from this man.You feel betrayed that she undid everything you tried to do for her.I believe the reason she has not contacted you is because she is ashamed of the choice she made to return back to him.Most likely she has blamed you for leaving him.Yes everything is going well for them at this point.It is called the honeymoon phase.In other words it is the calm before the storm.I know you went through alot of trouble to help your friend.I know you are disppointed in your friend's choice to return to her husband.I think the only thing you can do is be there for her.Maybe you should contact your friend.Instead of waiting for her to contact you.
2006-12-12 13:55:50 · answer #4 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIrst i'd like to say your an angel for trying to help this woman. She must feel very alone and not sure what to do. I can tell you that not all is fine , once he heard you were in the picture. My guess is he's making sure she talks to no one and has no contact with family or relatives.
2006-12-12 17:19:31 · answer #5 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off i applaud you for your willingness to help someone in need.
second, remember this ---
no good deed ever goes unpunished.
you should feel good about what you did. not everyone would do that for someone else. you did a really good thing.
GOOD FOR YOU!!! THERE ARE STILL SOME GOOD PEOPLE LEFT IN THE WORLD!!!
and when he beats the poo out of her again. she can find another person to bail her out!
2006-12-12 13:23:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave her alone and let her come to you. she is probally trying to fix things. it takes a lot for a woman to get out of that kind of realtionship. dont give up on her.
2006-12-12 13:38:28 · answer #7 · answered by thepainter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
doudt if he will bother u. but sometimes we try to help others, and mean well, and feel used when things we do don't get appreciated. she has to truly want to leave him and doesn't look as if she is ready. she betrayed your confidence, i would let her live her own life, and seek her own help the next time.
2006-12-12 13:16:20 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Secure your house with a security system and be careful.
2006-12-12 13:21:16 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let her be....
She's an adult, right?
You can only protect people for so long, then it becomes up to them.
2006-12-12 13:15:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋