my girlfriend is putting our relationship on the line unless i wear condoms?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been going out for just over 2 years.
I am not a fan of condoms at all as I think they reduce spontenaiety, excitement and intimacy.
At the beginning of the relationship i was happy to wear them as there was a risk of her getting pregnant.
For the best part of a year and a half she has been taking an injection and we have been having sex without a condom.
Recently she went to the doctors because she had started to bleed sometimes during sex.
She had to have an unpleasant internal test for sexually transmitted diseses because we dont wear condoms.
I know that i havent been unfaithful and i believe she hasnt.
This test came back negative so wont be necessary in the future.
What i dont understand is that she has decided that she now wants to use condoms (and tried to sell me on the benefits saying shed be happier etc) or become friends - an untimatum.
What do you suggest?

Answer 1

Agree to the condoms or settle for just being friends. Or a third option: stop having sex.

She's freaked out about something. Getting pregnant, catching an STD, having to have another test. Respect that.

If you love her, you'll work with her to find a solution. And you're wrong about another test 'not being necessary in the future'. Her doctor thought she might have caught something from you. Technically, every time she goes to the gyno, they should be testing her for STDs. Because the doctor doesn't know you, AND because no matter how much she believes you're faithful, there is no way for her to be 100% sure that you have been.

Use condoms if she wants you to. Be a man. Stop being selfish and think about HER for a few seconds.

Tried to "sell you the benefits, like it would make her happier"!? You ARE a selfish pig. SHE WAS TELLING YOU IT WOULD MAKE HER HAPPY and you IGNORED her. You're supposed to want your girlfriend to be happy. If you don't want that, you don't love her. Tell her that now so she can find someone who DOES.

Answer 2

Without invalidating all the worthwhile relationship insights that the women who have responded so far have provided, I'll cut to the chase in language a guy can understand:

Which would you rather have, sex with a condom or no sex without a condom?

Unfortunately, you'll never find out why she has decided to use condoms in spite of alternative birth control measures and a clean bill of health, STD-wise, because you're in The Boyfriend Zone -- any question you ask her about why she's changed her mind will be perceived as Pressure About Sex, and she'll resent you for it.

(Which is part of the reason I love my mature, reasonable, sensible, grown-up middle aged wife even more than I love the vasectomy I had ten years ago... :-)

Answer 3

Is it possible that she got "freaked out" because of the test she had to have, and is resorting to drastic measures (i.e. bringing back the condoms). If so, maybe roll along with it, stick by her, and maybe she will once again feel comfortable to do it without condoms. Another thing that crossed my mind was maybe she was unfaithful at one point, and is fearful about STDs, even though the test came back negative? Or maybe she is just taking all of the necessary precautions due to the medical problems. The ultimatum has me concerned as well, and leads me to believe there are underlying issues in the relationship or she isnt too committed. You just dont give ultimatums like that in a stable, committed relationship. And another thing-- I think sex with condoms is kind of hot. My wife and I havent used them in 3 years and I almost want to bring them back for a bit just for something different.

Answer 4

Are you sure that she is asking you to wear one because of the test she had done. Bleeding may be caused by the birth control that she was using. Is it really wrong of her to to ask you to do this? No condoms are not the perfect method of birth control. But neither are the other options for women. Having to remember to take a pill everyday, Messing with your hormones, getting shots, sticking something inside you or having something surgically implanted in your arm or uterus. Think about what a woman has to go through. Is it really worth ending a relationship? I would sit down and let her know you care about her feelings and that you would like to understand why she feels this way. You may be surprised at her answer. Women are not always direct with their thoughts and feelings.

Answer 5

This is a hard question. If she wants to wear one, then that is her decision. And if you don't, that is yours. If you two can't meet in the middle then I don't know that you can work out. It seema weird that she wants to wear one now but I guess she doesn't want to go through that test again. And maybe she doesn't trust you because the doctor has her thinking if there was a chance of an STD then you or her were unfaithful. I am not sure what I would do. If you love her and want to be with her, then wear one. And try to explain to her why you don't need to wear one and hope she gives in. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Well if it is having to go through another unpleasant test like that, it don't matter if you do or don't use condoms. The doctor is gonna want to do the test anyway. If she is that willing to let you go then maybe she has something else that she isn't telling you. I'm not trying to make you wonder, but love is a very strong bond and if it breaks that easily then you need to be watching out.

Answer 7

Its always better to wear condoms than taking injections. Injections will always will have some sort of side effects. If you love her and take care of her, then you should opt for condoms than injections.

Just think, will you accept to get injected? The same applies to your partener too.

Regarding infection, as female genital is more internal and complicated, infections are non-avoidable and even using a public convience might have caused an infection.

Its safe to protect yourself by wearing a condom

Answer 8

I understand where you coming from. I don't like to use condoms either because it does take away some feeling. But if that's your girl and you really love her I mean why not wrap it up. Do it for her. Are you trying to have a baby with her right now? If not, just do for her until it's baby making time.

Answer 9

I say do what she is asking. It isn't that bad to have to wear a condom. Besides, if she is tired of getting the shot perhaps it is your turn to step up to the plate and take care of the birth control for a while. Also, some girls don't like to leak for days after wards. I know I don't. Good luck

Answer 10

I suggest you use them. I understand where you are coming from with the point that you think it reduces spontanaiety, but if you have one handy all the time, it doesn't get in the way toooooo much. But all in all, it's your decision. Is she important to you? If you answer yes and truly believe that answer, you will realize that wearing a condom isn't a horrible thing.