While dating and being married to my husband, I have had an on and off "semi" crush on this guy. I find him attractive and he has many of the same characteristics as my husband. Lately, I have been having sexual dreams about him and have been thinking about him frequently but in a NON sexual way. He is a part of a church group I go to so I just can't avoid him. I wouldn't want to either. He's a great guy and a good friend. I wish I could stop dreaming about him and finding him attractive.
I would never act out on my dreams and I am very careful to guard my mind from impure thoughts when I am conscious. I am 22 and a newlywed of just over 6 months. I love my husband and would NEVER cheat on him physically or emotionally. My husband is very attractive and we have a satisfying sex life so I don't know what the problem is.
Am I overreacting?
Is there anyting I can do to stop the dreams or attraction?
These dreams and feelings are confusing and I feel guilty about them.
2006-12-12 12:13:19 · 14 answers · asked by Ann Ducketts 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are human and will be attracted to men other than your husband. This is a good thing- it means that you are normal. The important thing is your actions. If you don't ever act on the fantasy, there isn't any harm done.
I used to be really insecure when my husband and I were just dating because he told me the same thing: I am human and will be attracted to/ have fantasies about other women, but I am not going to act on them. I was bothered by the fact that he was attracted to other women but once I realized that I was attracted to other men but had no intention of acting on it- it made me feel better.
You should just let your mind do its thing. If your only thoughts and fantasies are of your husband, you might just get bored after a few years. A man once told me: I can have lobster for dinner every night if I want, but sometimes I just want a plate of macaroni and cheese.
You will want to have sex with other men and your husband will want to have sex with other women. Bottom line: it is all about how you act.
P.S. I wouldn't tell your husband about it. There are some things that are still meant to be personal- even in a marriage.
2006-12-12 12:25:23 · answer #1 · answered by Erin H 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your recurring romantic dream is caused by an unrealistic image that you have created about this person. This person you dream about is not perfect. Yeah, I know that you know that, but your unconscious self wants him to be because if he's perfect, it's easier to fanticize about him.
In your conscious state, you need to be highly critical of this person. Find something wrong with him and try to get yourself to start thinking negatively about that one thing. Let your imagination take it from there. Example: you and he would NEVER get along because he's not reliable. He's been late to every meeting you have ever been to and that really bugs you. Add to that negative visualization. Picture him getting drunk and throwing up all over your kitchen table. Or, picture him smoking and blowing smoke into the face of a child and laughing about it. Get it? The more things you find wrong with him (actually wrong with him) and the more negative imaging you can come up with (possible, but not really something you have seen him do or be), the more your unconscious mind will leave you alone.
This works for a lot of people. It's a way to get over a crush or lingering feelings for someone that dumped you. Try it. It might work for you.
2006-12-12 12:29:43 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is totally normal to have dreams and fantasys about somebody other than your husband. I have to admit I have questioned feelings similar to yours myself and now that I reflect on I know that it was totally harmless.
You love your husband. If you truly know in your heart that he is the one you are meant to be with then you shouldnt worry. If you dont act on your dreams then you should not feel ashamed of being perfectly normal.
#1 dont feel guilty. Life is far too short for that. You have done nothing to feel guilty about.
2006-12-12 12:21:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the "hots" for this guy and your dreams are a representation of your desires.
Time to look at your marriage and why you got married. I think you are too young to have gotten married.
2006-12-12 12:50:34 · answer #4 · answered by nowhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give in to the fact that you find him attractive. The more you consciously fight it the worst its going to get...you're better off embracing the fact that you're human and just let it slide you sound WAY too hard on yourself
2006-12-12 12:28:36 · answer #5 · answered by keith j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is quite normal. We have some social rules that's why you are in a confusion.
Let that dreams continue and as long as you enjoy those dreams don't worry.
Men also have such dreams.
2006-12-12 12:20:36 · answer #6 · answered by Onceuponatime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's natural to have attraction for people. It's not okay to let it consume your mind("I wouldn't want to" is not a good thing). Maybe you should avoid him as much as possible before it becomes something.
2006-12-12 12:18:09 · answer #7 · answered by Nep 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Focus on your family more. There is something missing if you are having this. You have married the man u wanted in the house of god, and stick with it. IF not be honest and leave.
2006-12-12 12:25:37 · answer #8 · answered by bryan_w74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Psychiatrist says our dreams are directly related to our sub conscious.
Keep dreaming,its not cheating
2006-12-12 12:35:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are human, its normal...stop beating yourself up over this..and unless your husband is the Pope, there are other women he finds attrative too...have fun with it...when you and your husband are making love, pretend its the other guy...BELIEVE me, im a guy, and 99.99 % of guys when having sex ARE thinking of someone else...fact....anyone tells you different is not a guy
2006-12-12 12:22:55 · answer #10 · answered by cott 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋