A really good friend of mine is a bisexual male. He does not openly like men only I know, and he has had only a few homosexual not-so-serious encounters and is still very much in the closet about it. He is very much a "manly man" and I don't know if he'll ever come out to anybody ever that he likes guys as well as girls. Unfortunately, I am madly in love with him. He is the greatest man I have ever met and treats me like every woman should be treated. We are also lovers, but still just best friends which I've been OK with, but lately I've been getting a little antsy. I don't care that he likes men at all, I am very open to that, in fact I find it a little erotic. But I wonder- why he still has yet to come to terms with liking men himself, could he ever be in a serious relationship with me (a girl), and me not have anything to worry about? I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but I can't get this thought out of my head. Help! Any bisexual men out there that can help?
2006-12-12 12:12:08 · 12 answers · asked by Ivana Cracker 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'm not a man, but I am a bisexual girl, and believe me, a bisexual man can certainly be in a loving, committed, monogamous relationship with a woman. A lot of guys happily do so.
The questions you need to figure out, right now, are whether he is:
1) Truly bisexual. Don't get me wrong- I totally believe in bisexuality as a real, valid sexual orientation. But a lot of people use it as a cover up for their feelings (gay or straight), and some people use it as a transition or don't even realize that their same-sex or straight-sex preferences are strong enough to classify them as straight or gay, until they have to "come out again". Since he doesn't seem to acknowledge it, it's hard for you to figure out where he stands.
2) Monogamous. Monogamy and polyamory has nothing to do with bisexuality, but a lot of bisexuals do feel that they are, by nature, polyamorous. You need to find out if he'll be monogamous, or want to have men (or women) on the side.
3) Does he love you? You're friends and lovers, but it takes more than that to have a lasting, serious relationship. If he truly loves you, and you him, then, should the other two points be favorable, nothing should split you up.
Talk to him.
Good luck!
2006-12-12 12:18:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
bisexuals are attracted to people of both sexes, but at the same time, many also crave a serious monogamous relationship with one or the other nonetheless.
if you both end up totally in love, then yes, he can absolutely stay true to you.
the fact that you are lovers while friends, well, that may complicate things, especially if you want a relationship and he doesn't.
as far as him not totally coming to terms with his own sexuality, well, if he's only had a few "experiments" wioth guys, then he may not know for sure whether he's bi or if he's just "curious"
2006-12-12 12:26:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, that's a tough one. Personally, I've always had my doubts about whether someone can actually be equally attracted to both sexes. I suppose it's possible, but if he hasn't ever fully explored his attraction to men, there's always the risk that he's really gay and in denial about it. You don't want to build a relationship with him only to have him tell you he's gay and just hasn't been able to come to terms with it.
If I were you, I'd end my physical relationship with him, take time to fall out of love with him and make room in my life emotionally for a heterosexual guy. If you don't, you'll always have to live with the uncertainty that one day, he might turn out to be gay or that he may not be really fulfilled with you. I think you should put some space between you and him and try to get over him so you can move on.
Personally, I wouldn't undertake a serious relationship with anyone who wasn't entirely and comfortably gay. Who needs the drama?
2006-12-12 12:24:49 · answer #3 · answered by Rob B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he can, but i know what you are worried about. What if we do get married or get into a long term relationship and he suddenly gets this bad urge to be with a man. Well hopefully the love between you to would not allow him to feel sexually towards anybody else except you. I know it sounds impossible but it can happen. But the best advice i can give, is for you to ask him. Talk to him about it. That will put your mind at ease way better then any answer you get from a complete stranger on the Internet.
2006-12-12 12:21:32 · answer #4 · answered by qdeezy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A bisexual man can definitely be loyal to only one gender. Alot of people think that because someone is bisexual they will be less loyal but the truth of the matter is that if someone is going to cheat on you they will do it with either a male or female. The only thing you have to worry about is that since your partner also likes males you have a whole nother gender to be jealous of. No big deal, if he does cheat on you with a guy then just think, if he were straight he would have cheated on you with a woman anyways.
2006-12-12 12:51:28 · answer #5 · answered by gsa_adan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a bisexual man, but I can say that YES a bisexual man CAN & will be faithful if he wants to. Bisexual only means you are attracted to both sexes. It doesn't mean you are going to screw around with both sexes while in a monogamous relationship. My brother-in-law is bi & he has been in a monogamous relationship for many years now.
2006-12-13 08:01:53 · answer #6 · answered by Jaysangl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First let him deal with his bisexual issues. It might become an emotional baggage that could trigger problems later on. Being in a relationship is no different from straight or gay/bi. There are no guarantees. Its a leap of faith. You see straight couples get divorced and have marital or relationship problems. It up to both of you how you resolve your differences and act on it. No one is perfect. Both of you should know how to deal with each others imperfection for your relationship to succeed.
2006-12-12 13:52:00 · answer #7 · answered by PAXson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll always have the doubt in your mind and it'll haunt you even if he says he loves you too. What if you two are at a restaurant and a hot guy comes in and he stares at him? would you trust him...he can love you and all...but there will always be the need for the man..his gay side.
2006-12-12 12:15:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not by-sexual, but yes you can have a normal relationship with this guy. If he wants to cheat on you he will, either with a girl or a guy. The important thing is that he remains faithful to you.
2006-12-12 12:17:06 · answer #9 · answered by CLAUDE D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A healthy, well adjusted bisexual is as likely to have a monogamous relationship as anyone else.
Closet cases are not healthy or well adjusted.....so I'd have to doubt it.....but you know him. What do you think?
2006-12-12 12:28:29 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋