My older sister has ask me if I would carry a baby for her and her boyfriend. I am a mother of three and have had my tubes tied. She has two girls already and can no longer carry a baby. I said I would love too, but need to talk to me husband. My husband said if I carry a baby for her he will leave me and take the kids. Am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I love my sister. And I don't want to lose my husband. We have been together for 13 years not something I just want to throw away. But she is my sister and is asking me for help.
2006-12-12 11:46:32 · 25 answers · asked by zej852 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Although it might be "admirable" that you would consider carrying a child for your sister, your primary concern should be your husband and your family - not hers. You are not "stuck between a rock and a hard place", your "place" is crystal clear - it's beside your husband. How could you even consider jeopardizing your children's future and their family? Your children come first, not your sister's.
Why does your sister want to bring a child into this world without the benefit of "marriage" ? She is being selfish and not considering the welfare of the child, only herself.
I don't understand why you are conflicted, there is no choice. You are married and you have children - that is your family. Your sister is your relative but if she truly loves you, I'm sure she doesn't expect you to throw away your family so she can add another child to hers!
Wake up, this is a no-brainer!
2006-12-12 11:56:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should sit down with your husband and explain the situation to him. Tell him how important this is to both you and your sister. Find out why he has such negative feelings regarding this and listen to him...I mean really listen and acknowledge what he has to say. If the answer is still no, you are going to have to tell your sister that you just cannot make such a huge decision like that without both you and your husband agreeing on this. Your husband and your kids are more important then carrying a 3rd child for your sister. If she was unable to have any kids, that would be a little different, but even then, you would have to be in agreement with your husband before agreeing to that.
The good news is that there is always the possibility that your sister can adopt a child. What an amazing gift that would be to give a child a home that otherwise would not have one. Especially a child that is a little bit older and is considered "unadoptable." I would strongly suggest that you discuss this option with your sister.
2006-12-12 12:03:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the first place your not between a rock and a hard place. You've had your tubes tied, how are you going to carry a baby? and your sister is very selfish to ask this of you when she isn't even married, tell her to carry her own baby. Your husband should be number one, not your sister. You swore an oath to him on the alter, is this all it means to you.
If I was him I would be down filing now just for what you've already done. You have three kids to take care of, tell your sister to go and live her own life, she just ruined yours.
In the second place, it takes a lot more then this for all this to take place, including court responses and filing records along with fees, who's going to pay all these, I suppose your sister wants you to do that too.
You and her better grow up and mature, I vote with your husband, he wouldn't be missing much if you left.
2006-12-12 11:56:29 · answer #3 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i say respect your husband. Your sister already has two kids. maybe if the situation was different(like her having no kids and your tubes were not already tied) your husband would be ok with it. Think about your family first. Losing your husband and kids to give your sister a child. Imagine how that would feel for you after the baby was born. She would have her 3 kids a perfect family and you would be alone. Is it worth it to you???
2006-12-12 11:57:06 · answer #4 · answered by me2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened 7 years ago and your still on about it. Your husband is sick to death hearing about what was said.. What do you want your husband to do ,if he asks his sister now she probably doesn't even remember. You must be having other issues in your marriage that's why you keep bringing up what your sister in law said. If she did say it , why do you care if she liked or disliked you! Do you want your husband to do never talk to his sister again. Why he says he doesn't believe you is because your driving him nuts !!!! get over it its been 7 years and you have stayed with your husband all this time. If you weren't happy then you should have left after the incident.
2016-05-23 16:14:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally would jump at the chance to carry a child for any of my friends, my sister or sister in-laws..
But i would seriously think twice about it because they are not married.. now don't think i am a prude i am not.. i only say this because it is harder to walk away from a marriage then it is too call it quits on a girlfriend or boyfriend..
As far as your husband goes.. try and find someone that you BOTH feel comfortable with someone that is unattached to this situation where both of you can get your feelings about this across... It could be that your husband couldn't bare to see you carry a child and go through the pregnancy (which lets face it its a lot for both of you) and then have to give the child too someone else in the end he might feel that it is too much for your 3 children too. but try and talk about it you need to make the decision together! Best of luck :)
2006-12-12 11:53:53 · answer #6 · answered by elfsbabe 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband should be first, not just because you're married to him, but also because your relationship affects your children. If you became pregnant with a child not of his (artificially inseminated I presume), he will feel angry towards you and the child, even though you did nothing wrong. He will also have to deal with you being pregnant, i.e. mood swings, trouble moving, odd cravings, etc. And then when it's all over, there is no present for him at the end. Basically- you can love and support your sister, but putting your husband first ensures a happy life for you, him, and the children.
2006-12-12 12:14:24 · answer #7 · answered by Yalena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u have ur tubes tied than u can't have another baby.And if u are a mother of 3 and your husband says he will leave u (& take the kids,),than u need to think.Y lose ur husband when u already have ur tubes tied and can't have a baby?U shouldn't do it if it meens losing ur husband of 13 years.Especially since you already have 3 children of your own.That is NOT sumthing you want to throw away.
2006-12-12 11:54:18 · answer #8 · answered by Whitney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to have support from your husband and it appears he says no. Don't push the issue. Yes, its your sister but, you have a family and there is always that chance of bonding with the child, and not wanting to give it up after birth. Surrogate mothers have done this time and time again.
If your husband is so against it, don't pursue the issue. You sister will have to be happy with her two children in her life.
2006-12-12 11:53:31 · answer #9 · answered by bigmikejones 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not a situation that sounds as if it needs remedying. Both you and your sister already have children. I am with your husband on this one. Better to have your sister angry with you for a little while than to lose your husband behind this outrageous request of hers. Anyway, you already told sis that your answer would depend on your husband's. The answer is no.
2006-12-12 11:57:17 · answer #10 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋