What are your funniest jokes? I'll give 10 points to the best one!!!?

Question

No limitations, they just cant be like racist or like sexist. but yeah, i LOVE blonde jokes =]

and they CANT begin with knock-knock. those are the worst.

Answer 1

What did the leper say to the prostitute?


Keep the tip!

Answer 2

i dont mean to offend anyone..is just a joke
enjoy

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.
Sid asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"
Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
The waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks." He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said "No sir, no Mexican Jews."
Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave the expected answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returned and said "Senor, the head cook said there is no Mexican Jews."

"Are you certain?" Al asked once again. "I can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!" "Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter, "All we have is Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews, and Grape Jews."

hope you laugh..cause i know i did ^i^ ☺

Answer 3

Bob and his three friends are telling stories in a bar. Vartanik leaves for a bathroom break. Three guys are left. The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was gonna be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he`s so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday." The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started out raking leaves for a Realtor. Turns out he got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact, he`s so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday." The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. My son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. In fact, he`s so rich that he just gave his best friend a million in stock for his birthday." Bob comes back from the can. The first 3 explain that they are telling stories about their kids, so he says, "Well, I`m embarrassed to admit that my son is a MAJOR disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact, I just found out that he`s gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends. But, I try to look at the bright side his boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house, and a million in stock for his birthday."

Answer 4

Hello?", "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause. "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says,

"Swimming pool? .... Is this 486-5731?"







One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.

Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling.

"What do you have in your pocket?", she asked.

"Tennis ball,? the man said smiling back.

"Wow," said the blond looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"






There once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been friends for a long time. One day the deacon got sick and was put in the hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend.
When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and medical equipment attached to the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, ''How ya doing?''
The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. ''You want that?'' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died.
At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deliver the service. ''He was a good man and I'll never forget him,'' the preacher said, ''I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his last thought in my coat pocket here.''
The preacher reaches into his pocket and pulls out the paper. ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!''

Answer 5

this joke i learned from a Friend and to make it sort of a blonde joke ill include it by saying the mom was a blonde or something like that.


ok there is this little kid about 4 or 5,...so he ask his BLONDE mom how old she is...and she says that is none of your business....well the next day the young boy asked his mom how much she weighed and she said none of your business.....well then the next day the young boy went to his mom and said Mommy i know why dad left you and she said why and then the boy said i was looking through your purse for some candy and i found your drivers license and it said you had an F in SEX.

Answer 6

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows
When the old man passes gas and says “Seven Points”.

His wife rolls over and says “What in the world was that?”
The old man replied , “It’s fart football.”

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says “Touchdown tie score.”


After about five minutes the old man lets one go and says,
“Aha I’m ahead 14 to 7 .”


Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
“Touchdown tie score.”


Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
“Field goal, I lead 17 to 14. “ Now the pressure is on the old man.


He refuses to be beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard,
Since defeat is totally unacceptable , he gives it everything he’s got,
And accidently poops in the bed.


The wife says , “ What the hell was that? “

The old man says , “ Half time switch sides . “

Answer 7

THE PHONE RINGS AND A LITTLE BOY ANSWERS ...WHISPERING HE SAYS hello, AND THE MAN ON THE OTHER END SAY'S HELLO SON IS YOUR MOM HOME THE BOY ANSWERS yes, THE MAN ASKS TO SPEAK WITH HER ,THE BOY SAYS she is busy ,SO THE MAN ASKS TO SPEAK TO DAD ,can'tTHE BOY SAYS he's busySO THE MAN ASKS IS ANYONE ELSE THERE, BOY ANSWERS yes a police,4 firemen ,A COUPLE OF NEIGHBORS, AND EVERYONE FROM CHURCH. THE MAN ASKS ARE YOU HAVING A PARTY IF SO WHY ARE YOU STILL WHISPERING,BOYS ANSWER NO NOT A PARTY .MAN SAYS WELL THEN CAN I TALK TO ANYONE OF THEM PLEASE, BOY SAY EVERYONE IS BUSY. BY THIS TIME THE MAN ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE IS REALLY CURIOUS AND ASKS THE BOY ONE FINAL QUESTION WITH ALL THOSE PEOPLE THERE AND YOUR NOT HAVING A PARTY AND YOUR WHISPERING WHATS EVERYONE DOING?.....BOY ANSWER.........THERE ALL LOOKING FOR ME............

Answer 8

One time at this church school a kid was sitting at the end of the row of desks. And he was not listening to the nun. (this was back in the day when kids could get hit with rulers. The nun goes to the kid and says who died to save us from sin? and then smacks the kid in the head with a ruler. She caugt the boy off gaurd and he replied jesus crist!!! then she said good job now can you act like you are paying attention?
then a hour later she saw that kid was slacking off again so she hit him again after she asked hem who is jesus's father? and the kid said God!!! then she said so you are paying attention now act like you are.
then an hour later she saw him not paying attention again so she said what did Eve say after she had all of her kids to adam after she just had her last baby? and hit the kid again. This time the kid said If you dont stop poking me with that thing i will bite it in half.

(note the kid never payed attention he just got surprised and said those names by accident)

Answer 9

Here's one: I asked a question just like this and Yahoo removed it, twice, before anyone had a chance to answer it! And yet they have all this spam all over the place and don't even bother to remove THAT.

Sorry about the rant. lol

Answer 10

ok 3 boys was late for school 1 boy come in the teachere why are u late he said i was on top of blueberry hill da second boy come in the teacher said why were u late he said i was on top on top of blueberryhill da 3 boy come in da teacher said where were u he saon bluberry. a new student come in she said her name is bluberry hill