how can i fix or change my intro?????

Question

below is my intro....

I think the United States should justified in declaring war on Britain in 1812. Because the effects of the war are increased American patriotism, weakened Native American resistance and U.S. manufacturing grew. As you can see, that the United States has won the war in 1812.

Answer 1

The United States was justified in declaring war on Great Britain in 1812. The effects of the War of 1812 were increased American patriotism, weakened Native American resistance and incresed U.S. manufacturing. These effects benefited the United States and therefore it can cleary be said that the United States won the War of 1812.

Answer 2

I believe that the United States was justified in declaring war on Great Britain in 1812. My reasons are as follows: the war resulted in increased American patriotism, weakened Native American resistance, and growth in U.S. manufacturing.

(The following portion of your paragraph should probably be in the conclusion, rather than the introduction):

It is apparent from the foregoing facts that the United States did indeed win the War of 1812.

Answer 3

You should learn to make your own edits. Some suggestions are as follows:

- It's possible to start sentences with "because;" however, in your case, your second sentence is a fragment
-when making lists, keep each phrase in the same tense/structure. Notice you are using the pattern "verb + noun" (ie: incrased Patriotism, weakened resistance). Fix your last clause ("US manufacturing grew") to fit that.
-AVOID CLICHES!!!! Get rid of "As you can see."
-I can tell you are following the "rules" where paragraph = 3 or more sentences; last sentence is a summary statement. Ugh. Sometimes, intro paragraphs can be longer, or even spread over two paragraphs. Take the time to develop background, give an example, make it interesting!