Is it possible for a marriage to survive an affair?

Question

My husband had an affair that lasted for 3 months. He left so many obvious clues, almost as if he wanted me to find out. During the 3 months he was a very depressed man. Always slept, lashed out and me and the kids, never ate. Since all came out he has never been a more awesome husband. He suggested marriage counseling and we have been going, and he has been very open to the counselors suggestions. He has been spending more quality time with the kids, helping me around the house I couldnt ask for anything better. However, Im still having a hard time dealing with the fact he went outside our marriage and told another woman he loved her. We are working on trust, but its hard. He is in the military and will be leaving soon for 8 months. Is it possible for me to get over the hurt? Do marriages really survive this?

He's in the military which is why he's leaving for 8 months. He's going out on the ship. Since there are about 1000 sailors going I am sure he's not going to the "other woman". He'll be in Iraq for sometime, on land, so thats an added stresser to get our marriage right. Thanks all!

Answer 1

Yes, but you have to be willing and able to forgive. From what you say, it sounds like he is remorsful and relieved that it is over and he is ready to be dvoted to you. It is now up to you wherther you love him enough to take the chance that he is being real and that he won't do it again.

Answer 2

Marriages can survive this - but it is a long hard road- He must realize this. You will second guess where he is and who he is with for a while - you will check behind him and it will drive you crazy. The main thing you will learn in counseling is how to talk to each other. It doesnt take the hurt away. He has to know he will have to really work at earning back the trust - time will tell - if you arent sure then dont throw in the towel over it just yet. Sometimes and I know this will sound crazy - but maybe he realized how good he had it with you and learned his lesson - then again - some men never learn...If you can work thru this it could be a new begining for you both - but if you cant - I am very sorry. It isnt easy to forgive and believe it or not you will never forget. Time does help - but it wont erase...good luck

Answer 3

Yes marriages can survive an affair. I have two very close friends whose marriages have made it. It takes alot of hard work and determination to keep it together. You're in the right direction by going to counseling together. But you need one on one with the counsler to help sort out your feelings on your own time. Also maybe with his leaving it will do you both some good. But at the same time you might obsess about his ever mood. You have to ask the hard questions as to why he did it and be open to his answers. Also you may need to change also about things. What you need to remeber is that you cannot throw it in his face. If you have chosen to move on and work things out then the slate is clean. The past is the past and it's the future to look at. Things are gonna get hrder before they get better. Continue counseling and talk to each other openly about how you feel everyday no matter what. Good Luck

Answer 4

I truly believe that a marriage can be saved from anything. Yes it is hard but years of a marriage is just to important to just throw away. As "Human Beings" we are not perfect and are subject to mistakes. It is how we deal with those mistakes and grow from them that will in the end decide on the chances of the marriage surviving. Just because we mess-up sometimes does not mean that we are not worthy of the love of a spouse. Love consist of many things including tolerance so if you keep in mind that this is the man that you love and the man that you chose to marry and he does the same you can keep the lines of communication open and hopefully you can get back what it is that is obviously lacking or missing from the marriage. Just never stop talking and listening and growing.

Answer 5

I think that marriage is something that can be hard for both men and women. Do you know why he had an affair? Was there something going on in your relationship that may have been the reason? I have been married for over 12 years and have four kids. It has been a roller coaster but, I could not see myself with anyone else. What I am saying to you is if you can't see yourself without him then it can be worked out. You have to trust your heart.

Answer 6

That's all very individual...it depends on the type of person you are. *I* could not survive in a marriage after infidelity. But that's me. I would constantly be thinking about him being with her...I wouldn't be able to get it out of my mind. I feel that's a character flaw on *my* part. I could learn to forgive (over a LONG period of time), but definitely not forget. When there are children involved, that changes everything...of course. It is always better for the children to have parents who are happily married than apart. If you feel that you could forgive and forget (so to speak) then it would be beneficial to stay together. If you feel like I do, and it would eat you from the inside out for the life of your marriage...then that would create an undesirable energy within your home to raise your family in. I do know women who say they've completely gotten over their husband's affairs. The fact that his lasted 3 months, and was not a one time thing would really get to me. But, like I said, that's all very individual. Good luck.

Answer 7

You and your husband are getting counseling for the sake of your family and children. You are recovering from his betrayal, and yes, it is hard. He is willing to and trying to make amends. I think you would be wise to continue with the counseling while he's away, don't make any decisions about the family until he returns. If you can make an unemotional rational decision without pain or hurt, then do it. But don't make your kids suffer because of his mistake. Give it some time. Marriages do survive. I think his absence will give you the time and space needed to work through this to decide if you want to remain with him. Just continue counseling while he's gone.

Answer 8

Tough question. I hope you get over your hurt. Your husband seems like a fine man. Yes, he made a big mistake, but the important thing is that he came back to you and the kids. I have known who have done much worse things, like they were sort of serial cheaters, still they managed to get some help and then stop completely and their marriage was left intact. You have taken marriage vows, so two mistakes don't make a right. Try to forgive him and engage in positive thinking of ways to make you both happier and more immune to cheating in the future. Good luck.

Answer 9

Yes you can survive if you both want to. It sounds as though he still loves you. It sounds as though you are on the right track to healing. Togetherness helps, communication helps, and sex helps the process. You will never forget what has happened. You may never completely be able to forgive what has happened. But you can deal with it. Over time, it will be less painful to think about. You must push the thoughts out and move on. You will be shaky in your trust and have anxiety at times. Never use the past as a weapon in future disagreements, or you will both be hurt even more. It is something you both have to accept happened but can move past. Everyone makes mistakes. You can still love.

Answer 10

Noone can make that decision but you. I was cheated on and I left without even thinking about counciling. I think that if you and he can get through it by all means try. As far as the trust , it will be a long road but you can make it if it is what you both want. Just keep your guard up.. I dont know if you will ever completly get over it no matter what you both do.. You can forgive but I dont think you will ever be able to forget what has happened.. Good Luck

Answer 11

Trust is a major key in any relationship and without it it will not survive! It sounds like it has made him realise that what he did was wrong and everything that he has is what makes him whole and the person he is today!! He learnt from his mistake and for him to offer to go to counsilling is a huge step for anyone who has cheated!! If you feel that he has changed and you start to fully trust him again then I don't see why not you can get over this but if you have some doubt but don't fully trust him and this might take longer to get over then expected!! Good Luck!!