Whenever someone asks a question about their husband or boyfriend looking porn, it seems as though it's not a big deal to anyone. I'm not saying I have never looked at it or I will never look at it again, (it can be quite enjoyable) but at risk of sounding like a hypocrite- watching porn is not a good thing.
When a man can sit in front of his computer and fantasize about women whenever he wants, what happens to his ability to relate to his wife or girlfriend in real life? I'll tell you what happens: A man loses his imagination, creativity, discernment when it comes to treating his wife or gf. Instead, he becomes insatiable. His wife or gf becomes less attractive and she's never in the mood (because a woman does not come with a mouse and keyboard). But those of you who wish, keep thinking its "normal" sit back, relax, and watch your relationships detiorate. No way can anyone convince me that porn will evolve a person in a positive way. What is everyone else's take on the subject?
2006-12-12 09:29:32 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I want to thank you for this question. If only I could verbalize what you said here to my husband, maybe he would get it. Then again, probably not.
The biggest misconception I think is that women stop having sex with their husbands so their husbands turn to porn. Thsi is not true. I beg my husband to have sex with me, but he is simply not very interested. I cannot compete with what he sees online every day - different girls doing different things. I am only one woman.
Another thing is that we used to watch together. But his watching became more and more frequent, and now he would rather watch alone. It was a slow process but he basically kicked me out of our sex life without actually saying so.
I am a beautiful young woman so the other misconception about wives becoming unattractive over time is not always true either.
Porn will eventually ruin my marriage. It's just a matter of time.
It's very sad.
Again, thank you for a very clear and precise observation. You hit the nail on the head.
2006-12-12 11:32:30 · answer #1 · answered by nillachica 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
How do I put this... I think we all relate to each other better once certain pressures have been released. Women, much like men, can be hot and cold. Sometimes they are just not in the mood for a few weeks and I think untreated this would lead to more tension than almost anything. Was it something I did? Am I not attractive to her anymore? Is there someone else? Is this the beginning of that whole 'the sex drops off after marriage' thing? I know that she goes through phases and I find that porn can help me to not be pathetic and pestering untill she comes around again. If that doesn't make relating better I don't know what does.
I wouldn't say that it develops anyone in a positive way but it fills a need so that you can get on with everything else.
As for 'when did it become acceptable' it has always been around it's just available for free now. Don't get me started on the early Romans etc.
I don't know for sure but I would assume it helps to keep some perverts off the streets as well.
2006-12-12 17:46:48 · answer #2 · answered by nvr10pts 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Actually you have a really good point about this that it just made me realise that it is true!! A guy wants it more then a woman and I think that they see sitting in front of television or computer screen and turning it on is much easier becuase they don't need to ask or it won't say no. But on the other hand actually having the person right there and asking them or only having to do it when they are in the mood is just not right and they want it right there and then!! I guess they think it is easier and seeing other people doing things that they fantisise gets them off because maybe the partner isn't into those things!! Porn will continue to be watched and become such a more bigger industry when time goes on and no matter what every person will end up with porn in their home!!
2006-12-12 17:35:41 · answer #3 · answered by pqr 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I agree with you. In the real world women want affection and to be told they are gorgeous when they look terrible. In my book porn, strip clubs is just crazy. I know of some of my friends that allow their husbands and b/f go to these and do these things and their relationships are terrible. They have no passion in their relationship. I am not saying I have never watched it but, for me it does nothing and I am not a size 2 like some of those girls who probably don't have very many brain cells. I think it makes men fantasize about these women while they have a wife or g/f who really needs that attention!
2006-12-12 17:35:57 · answer #4 · answered by momdadand4kids 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Why would it hurt the relationship? You can't touch what you see on the screen. Pretty much you would just be touching yourself. If someone starts thinking that touching themselves would be a lot better than having sex with their partner, then that's more a problem of the individual, or perhaps there's a problem in the bedroom that needs to be fixed. In either case porn would help bring that problem to light.
Relationships aren't an easy subject that can be blamed by one cause or another. Watching porn by itself is not going to cause the deterioration of a relationship, a lot of other causes coupled with that will probably help the demise along. No one can convince you that porn can evolve a person in a positive way. I doubt you can convince anyone to stop watching porn as well.
2006-12-12 17:47:05 · answer #5 · answered by Die S 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You know what i have to agree with you on that. Its like the man gets desensitized with his wife or gf and suddenly they arent good enough for him. It does ruin a relationship. To fantasize is one thing but when you do it all the time the person you are with really loses out.
2006-12-12 17:46:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you 100% . It's become acceptable as societies morals & values go downhill.
This is what Dr. Phil has to say about it;
It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.
Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.
Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.
You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.
2006-12-12 17:48:16 · answer #7 · answered by me 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋
I don't need to look at porn. My wife is all I really am interested in so I really cannot relate to this stuff. However, I have read that
*the more insecure a person is in relating to a spouse, the more interest they will have in porn.
*porn gives a false impression as to what sexual relationships are as the models are often 'glamorous' How many of us can really say we are 'glamorous' or Mr. Hulk? Life is really not like that for most of us.
and finally,
*sad to say, some men and women "can't get it on with their partner unless they use a "fluffer".activity.
2006-12-12 17:41:06 · answer #8 · answered by M B 2 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Why exactly is it not a good thing? It's a perfectly healthy practice, performed by consenting adults, in an age when sex, finally, is not being seen as purely for reproductive means.
What happens to a mans ability to relate to his wife or girlfriend after watching porn? Well, the erection helps him relate quite well. What's wrong with a little fantasy? Do you think that just because porn isn't involved, the people involved aren't fantasizing? Our minds never stop working .. men fantasize about a fully clothed woman they passed on the street, a story they read, an interesting though that went through their heads. Porn just offers visual stimulation as well. Big deal.
And I do think it's normal, by the way ..... if the practice doesn't interfere with the relationship. My husband has watched porn .. so what, so have I. We've watched together many times, it's great foreplay. We've been married for 10 years in May, it hasn't hurt our relationship yet.
I think it takes a mature person to know where the priorities are. If someone like yourself would let porn become a priority over his relationship, then that's your problem .. and not the standard. Why stigmatize something just because you don't have the maturity to keep your priorities in order?
There's a term used in the computer world that technicians use when talking about computer problems .... PEBKAC. "Problem exists between keyboard and chair".
2006-12-12 17:36:59 · answer #9 · answered by Jaded 5 · 2⤊ 8⤋
I think our society has become so sick. Porn is alright every now and again, but i'm with you, you say porn is bad and there are ten people jumping on your back about it. I think that men watching it constantly set an unfair standard for their wives,and i know it has to make the women feel bad about themslves. who wants to see beat the crap out of it vagina anyway?
2006-12-12 17:37:10 · answer #10 · answered by adi23 1 · 6⤊ 1⤋