Please take it seriously... what are the pros and cons and rate it on a scale of 1-10. It's about a man who's wife left him for a woman and he was so hurt that he wanted to get back at his wife so he stole his wife's lover from her so know he had the last laugh.
2006-12-12 09:26:04 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I gave you my trust...
you buried it in dust
I gave you my heart...
you tore it apart
I gave you a home...
you abandoned it and went to Rome
I gave you a family...
you abandoned us to be with your lover, Amalie
Now you see what I must do
I must take a thing or two from you
So don't get mad at me, you see...
While you were out with Amalie
I was thinking about getting back at you…
And I know you were so hurt that Amalie left you for someone else, but did you even have a clue?
That I was the man that stole Amalie from you?
You thought you had the last laugh didn't you?
Well guess what? Your not the only one that can play this game...
2006-12-12 09:26:15 · update #1
The context of the poem is good, and the message is also satisfactory for the length. It's a tad bit repetitive, but that's okay if you want people to really understand what you're trying to say.
However, I am not a fan of the rhyming. Rhyming poetry is very hard, which is why I usually try to stay away from it. Some of your rhymes, like 'Rome' or 'Amalie' seem forced and confuse the reader or contradicts the actual intent of the rhyming poem - to make it flow.
The best advice I can give is to really focus on reading it through the reader's eyes and forget the idea of rhyme.
Good luck and don't give up!!
(P.S. I cannot rate a poem from 1-10. It's unethical. A poem is sacred to every individual, especially the author. It's like rating thoughts or emotions of a person...it isn't valid. It all comes down to how satisfied YOU are with it. It's your creation.)
2006-12-12 09:32:59 · answer #1 · answered by Rio 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like the concept and I like the fact that you are getting into a "character." I think it would be better if you weren't trying to force it into a rhyme scheme. Try using the words that come from the heart of your character and don't worry about whether they rhyme or not. Sorry, I can't give you a rating; I just can't think of poetry in that way. All the best,
2006-12-12 09:38:10 · answer #2 · answered by c'mon, cliffy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At first it sounded like a lyric. then it just lost something.
If this is not about a personal vendetta you are having then I would seriously rewrite this poem. I rate it as a 4 for a poem.
Why not make it a short story instead?
2006-12-12 09:32:06 · answer #3 · answered by That_ blue_ eyed_ Irish_ lass 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not very good. 2 out of 10.
2006-12-12 09:30:21 · answer #4 · answered by loon_mallet_wielder 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely no rhyme or canter to your poem. Its not the greatest.
with 1 being the worst, I'd give it a 3.
2006-12-12 09:28:02 · answer #5 · answered by wvucountryroads 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad I would give it a 5 It was a little off near the end
I think it is good but I think it was carried on to long trying to rhyme it all in but....
Good job
2006-12-12 09:43:05 · answer #6 · answered by Bullz_ eye 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MJ was fun @ first, but you have to peel him off the ceiling after every comment--even a constructive remark--and that got to be rather boorish very quickly.
2016-05-23 15:46:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cute its really beautiful poem
good luck 10 from 10
2006-12-12 09:32:42 · answer #8 · answered by micho 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thought that the poem was pretty good! i write poetry two so i think it is cool to see other people doing it.
2006-12-12 09:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by Teisha W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i liked your poem a lot it seemed like you put lots of work into it
2006-12-12 09:32:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋