My Child And I Need Help!!!!!!!!?

Question

Hi I Have 4 kids 2 sons and 2 daughters ,,, Every day my oldest daughter who is in 5th grade comes home crying and talkin about why she cant get a boyfriend I know this is silly but can yall help me ....... But the real reason is she is a little big and the other kids are sticks can you help me............. But I know she needes to be foused on heer school work but please help I Tried Everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Tell her that she shouldn't worry! first of all, she is too young to worry about boys right now. Second of all, she doesn't have to be picture perfect to get a boyfriend. One day a boy perfect for her will come along, and she will be happy. Tell her that she doesn't need to worry about what her weight is. Just as long as her soul is beautiful, then she doesn't need to worry about her body.

Answer 2

I've worked a lot with children and youth-so I thought I'd offer my suggestions. The issue for your daughter may not be that she is necessarily "big" but that she is at an awkward stage in her development. In another year, she'll probably "thin out." But regardless of whether the situation is temporary, you have to help build your daughter's self esteem. Teaching kids the value of inner beauty is an ever-growing challenge in our appearance-obsessed society. I suggest looking for some activities that involve just the 2 of you-this helps strengthen the bond between the two of you and can open the door for honest communication. Try being honest and explain to your daughter that everyone develops at different speeds-so while she may not be happy with her appearance now, she is changing everday. Also remind her of the many gifts, talents, and traits that make her a beautiful person from the inside out. Finally, you might consider taking your daughter for a special treat day-something like a spa day-getting hair, nails, done (maybe even a free makeover at the mall). You can arrange these days for as little or as much money as you have available. Taking time to help her look her best will boost her self esteem. Most importantly, reinforce again and again how beautiful your daughter is and what a wonderful little woman she is turning out to be!
By helping develop her self esteem, you'll also help her realize that she does not NEED a boyfriend to fit in or find acceptance. Of course you should have clear standards about dating-whatever those are for your family-it doesn't hurt to remind her of them from time to time.
If the problems continue, take immediate action by contacting her teachers, principal, and counselors at the school. Her problems may be rooted in an individual or group intent on making her miserable as a way of finding their own acceptance. If that is the case, it is bullying, and the school can AND should take action.
Be an advocate for your daughter, but involve her in remedying this as much as possible. It is important to help her understand that things won't always be exactly what she wants/hopes, but at this age, you should also be there to comfort and love her through such dissapointments.

Answer 3

My heart goes out to your daughter. I had the same problems when I was 10. (My flaws that people exploited were my acne and my studious nature.) I cried every day.

It's hard to see your child in pain, but the only thing you can do is be there for her. Hug her when she's sad, reassure her, let her know she's beautiful. Tell her that as nice as it would be to have a boyfriend, there's more to life than boys. Besides, she has plenty of time for that! And if none of the guys at school will be her boyfriend, then they don't deserve her. More importantly, she deserves better. Assure her that she'll find someone better when she's older. Now, she may keep insisting that you're wrong, as pre-teens often do (I didn't believe my mother when she said these things to me, either, but she was right) but just stay patient. These years are going to be the hardest times in her life. Trust me, though, things will get better.

If it's possible, look into homeschooling her for the rest of the year. And possibly next year, if it works out. She'll get a better education, have more free time and learn to love herself. Even better, she won't have these idiot kids around her being mean to her constantly. Best of luck to both of you.

Answer 4

My daughter (now 14) has been the same way. She feels as though she doesn't fit it. You need to focus your daughter on the things she is good at. Sign her up for some sort of class, girl scouts, social clubs. Does the school offer clubs in 5th grade? She should sign up for one if so. Your daughter desperately needs to feel special outside of mom & dad. If she can't do it on her own, you need to help her find her way. Whether she's chubby or not, I don't think that's the point. Most kids get teased regardless, but of course it's always the chubby ones that get teased more :(
My daughter is in special ed, but is floating between regular classes and special ed classes. So she always seems the "odd" one out. We had her do cooking and bought stuff in for her classmates, we had her singing karaoke at home and then out at dinners - basically anything that she could do to talk about and have good conversations at school always helped.

Encourage friendships. Let her have friends over and such. That is a BIG help. Let her do things with her friends as much as you can so she gets that sense of independence.

I don't think it has anything to do with "boyfriends" as much as fitting in. Also while making diet and exercise important, please don't put her on a "diet" just encourage healthy stuff as a family and not towards her.

Good luck. I can't say it gets better. Once the hormones kick in! But you'll make it thru, our moms did!!

Answer 5

wowww She's only in 5th grade...i dont knw why she thinks that at this YOUNG age she needs a boyfriend...you need to make her understand that she needs to focus on her education not on boys...when she gets older she will have more then enough time for to think about having a boyfriend. Also you need to make her understand that by crying things are going to get better this isnt some toy that you can just cry for and you will get..she needs to realize the world is a tough place...your not always going to get what you want. Theres so many girls out there as young as her that dont have boyfriends..you want to know why? Because its just plain inappropraite to have a BF at this age...and the ones that do have Bf's get pregnant well by 7th or 8th grade...I just dont get why is she making such a big deal out of this? And just to let you know im in college right now so its not like all this that im saying is coming from some old lady.

Answer 6

It would be helpful if she had a really good friend. Boy! Fifth grade is when children start really being verbally mean. Have you tried going to the school and talking to one of the advisers there? Does the school have a social worker there? If the school has a social worker there, I highly recommend you make contact with that person.
Also, let her know that it isn't all that important to have a boyfriend. Try finding methods to let her know ways to like herself -- build her confidence level. Teach her how to disregard comments made her way. Let her know that her intelligence will give her power. The school social worker maybe able to help guide you in helping your daughter.

Do they have soccer at her school? If she doesn't know how to play, maybe you can get her a personal coach to get her caught up to be able to join the soccer team.
Does her school have acting/theater/drama classes that she could in-roll in? This will allow her to make new friends and build her confidence.

Answer 7

Well, 10 is alittle young to start dating. She doesn't understand this though. If you would like her to understand this specific concept you could use something like this.
First of all, say she's good in science or math. She excells in it. Ask her if she was this good at it 3 years ago. She will say no. And you will explain thats because 3 years ago she wasn't ready. Now is the time for her to understand science or math, now is the time for her to excell in it. Same with dating or getting boyfriends. Some things you have to wait until you are older, just as you did with science or math. Wait until you can understand it.
That might not help at all. But if you support her trying to get a boyfriend I would say that if none of those boys want to date her then they aren't good enough for her. When she is meant to date, the right person will come along.

Or you could do your best to boost her self esteem. If she is over weight enroll her in sports atheletics or anything to get her moving around daily. Lessen her portions of food, things like that for weight loss. But really just try to boost her self esteem and make her more confident.

I doubt that helped any, I don't know if you can talk like that to a 10 year old, I also don't know your daughter and can't really go on anything. Those are just some quick idea's I had. Good luck!

Answer 8

Could it be that she doesn't realize that she's "a little big" or what causes it? Encourage her to eat smaller portions and send her outside to get some exercise when she just wants to veg. My son is in the 5th grade, and it's amazing how body conscious they are becoming at that age! He is an eater, but he always goes outside and runs around after supper and has no problem with weight. Help her to help herself to start a healthy lifestyle NOW - she'll thank you for the rest of her life!

Merry Christmas!

Answer 9

Why does she feel the need to have a boyfriend in fifth grade. What does "boyfriend" mean to her? And does she mean now or in the future?

If she's just a little big, she needs some body fat to grow on. She's not through growing yet, and she shouldn't starve it off. If she's really overweight, get a pediatrician's help.

Also, have you talked to the teacher and/or principal?

Answer 10

I have a 5th grader and they she and her friends don't even think about bfs= please- and I don't let her watch the garbage on tv w all the child tv drama bf crap- they shouldn't even think about bf stuuf until high school- or when they are 30= just kidding- you can not allow her to date until she is 16 or have a bf and that will save a lot of heartache- suggestion-D