What do you think about the wordplay I used in this piece?

Question

Weights & Measures

Dislodged from the bowels of Hades
I ascend to an uncertain prison of
retrospection & consciousness
A cerebrum already frenetic
in its infinite voracity to break out
of the wretched penchant for romance
---which---
The substance of my being seems to
yearn for perpetually
I must prepare my troubled heart
for its destiny of existence
devoid from that which it
secretly desires most
---your love---
Sweet as a mountain rain
---fresh as spring
---warm as a summer day
Dreams of yesterdays...
Fantasies for tomorrows (never to arrive)...
Longings torn asunder under the
light of true realities
That is my world today
Yet, the core of my being
resists said verity
© ember rose 3/19/02 All rights reserved

Author's Questions/Comments
I wrote this awhile back. After reading so much romantic poetry lately, well...I just felt like my sense of humor in that department won't be lost on some here on this site. In its original form it is all centered.

Answer 1

I love it! Takes a word person to understand it - hoi poloi will look at it and groan. Too many words to look up and quantify.

Well done, and keep it coming

Answer 2

It's very graphic. The first part is harrowing and gruesome. The rest is harrowing and sad. Many of us have that unfulfilled yearning for what might have been - and perhaps should have been.