Husband doesn't get it?

Question

I have severe feelings of loneliness. I'm a stay at home mom and feel like I don't get any interaction with adults. I have no friends. Everything is so overwhelming- Its like I scrub and clean and cook and fold and there's always more to be done. I love the kids so much, but having them right under me 24/7 is taking it's toll. My 1 year old won't let anyone else take care of her because she's attached to my hip all the time. If anyone offers me a break with them, it doesn't work because she won't let anyone else care for her. Sometimes after I get the kids to bed, I'll be watching TV alone (My husband usually plays his stupid video games in the other room) and if he comes through the living room and notices I'm crying he'll ask what's wrong and when I tell him how I feel he just rolls his eyes and shakes his head and says "you're depressed you need to talk to someone" What's wrong with that someone being HIM? Is he a jerk, or do I seriously need a lot of help?

Answer 1

Ill be your friend email me.....

Answer 2

First of all, you husband isn't a jerk, he doesn't understand what your life is about. This battle has been going on forever! Most men, yes, guys, I wrote MOST men, are clueless when it comes to stay at home moms. It is the most difficult job on the face of this earth...bar none. You may be depressed or just plain exhausted and you do need to talk to someone. The first someone you should talk to is your husband...the DAD, and he needs to grow up, put down the stupid, yes, guys, I wrote STUPID games. Fatherhood isn't a game, it's a responsibility and so is husbandhood. He's tired when he gets home, of course, so are you! There isn't anything wrong with you, so many of us have been there, done that, put up with the same rolling of the eye bit...don't let him off the hook so easily. Start by letting him read all the hits he's gonna take from the answers you're going to receive. Go off all day long on a Saturday and let him play Daddy without Mommy there to referee! Time for Daddy to pull his weight in the parenting. Take a break from the mundane routine, there's nothing wrong with you leaving Daddy home with the kids. Get a reputable sitter (the kids will be fine) and explain to your husband how you feel. Cheer up, it won't be this way forever and believe me, you are not alone, Sweetheart! I was in the same boat and sent my 2 off to college and it about broke my heart! Take care of yourself, too, you work hard and it isn't always easy, but God bless your heart for being such a good wife and mother.

Answer 3

Well from what it sounds like he is a jerk. It sounds like you need a serious talk with him. If he doesnt want to talk or leaves part of the way through youre either getting very very emotional to the point where he is getting disgusted with the convorsation OR he isnt happy with the relationship.

If the talk goes well, let him know that youre overly stressed and would apreciate for him to take care of the kid(s) every once in a while and let you have a night out.

Just try to keep the talk moreso emotionless. Dont act like a robot but usually showing too much emotion will turn the convorsation into a deluded whine-fest, which no one will enjoy.

Answer 4

Might not hurt you and your mate to seek out relationship or marriage counseling in order to get things on track. Sounds like your more of a nanny or a maid then a spouse and you need to explain your needs and wants to your man in a rational way. Breaking his game will only make things worse so would not suggest that. There are some good counselors around that are impartial and listen to both sides. In addition you and he may be better able to express your true feelings more easily in front of a third party. Important to remember that what is said there should be kept there and not thrown in each others face, rather both try and work on issues and rebuild the love that was once present in your relationship. Good luck and I hope Santa does bring you relief and happiness in the new year.

Answer 5

I went throught the same problem with my sons father. I felt so under appreciated. All I did from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed was do things for other people. I csouldn't even get out of bed and go to the bathroom before I had to make his coffee. He never said thank you or anything. I feel for you. I went through a bout of depression and was presecibed some anti-depressants and they helped for a while. But nothing will help you until you address the real problem. Maybe something as easy as having your husband hire someone to help you around the house would work. I don't think your husband knows he is being a jerk. They just don't understand what it is like to NEVER have any time for yourself. I hope you can get some help for your depression before it destroys your marriange like it did mine. You are in my prayers. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Some cities have clubs for stay at home moms where they can get together and do things together and go out.It might be nice to make some friends that I'm sure have the same feelings as you.As for your 1 year old,you need to just take her to someone you trust and drop her off and leave even if you hear her cry.Sounds mean,but I know with my daughter I was always told she stopped crying like 2 minutes after I left anyway and it was just for my attention.Maybe go to your local library and see if they have any brochures for womens clubs,sometimes they even offer child care.Men usually don't understand this very well,so it would probably be better to confide all this to a woman anyway.

Answer 7

You have some men that are very rude and than there is some don't care of another person feelings.And than you have the ones that's understanding. So if he don't care of your feelings don't sit around and cry about it, change somethings about it. Go out and meet some friends have a good time it's the holidays girl and get somebody to care for the little baby she'll stop crying when she gets tired as long as she's not wet or hungry or sick or cold.
Than girl you on your way of happy nest. Than you husband will put down that video control and left you up.

Answer 8

first of all with the kids. your daughter isnt the one who wont let anyone watch her you are. hang on a sec, i know your thinking yeah right, whatever. but its true. if she screams and crys when you leave ITS OK! :) kids do that. parents only see the crying when they leave, what they dont realize is that if you have a GOOD babysitter, they will have activites planned and your child(ren) will have a blast! you really need to get your daughter used to being watched every once and a while. Once she see you have come back, it wont be as bad the next time. and only get better from there. As far as you and your husband. Let him know, make him understand. put his games up and (when the kids are gone or asleep) make him want you. have a date again, talk to eachother. (GO PLAY GAMES WITH HIM) just because you are the one who shows your loneliness by crying doesnt mean he is lonely too. and you cant always do what you want. show him youre interested in him, his likes and dislikes too. :)

good luck. PS the worst thing you can do is call your husband names and treat him like crap. that will only teach your children fear of you and thier dad, or teach them that thats how they are supposed to act towards thier future husbands/wifes. so becareful what you say and do! :)

Answer 9

i have been there too as a single mother of three young kids i know just what you are feeling the best thing in my situation was to first get my now 6 year old to stay with others weather he liked it or not it is very important for you to get time with other adults even if it is just going to the supermarket by yourself you need that time and you know what tell your man to take you out for an adult night go to the movies dinner a bar or just take the kids somewhere and stay at home watch movies and make love. good luck

Answer 10

UH you need to tell him the same thing that you wrote here. He needs to understand where you are coming from. If he doesnt then he is either careless or heartless. Which I hope he is neither. He needs to help with the kids. and spend more time with you. With the kids you need to get out more often. Because if you let her get to attached you will never be able to leave the house. I was like that when I was younger I wouldnt let my mother go. But all my mother did was go out more often. Then I realized that I can live life without her being here ALL the time. hope it was some help

Answer 11

you need to have a role reversal so he can truly appreciate what you do adn respect that being a mom is already a full time job, but being the maid and sex slave and full time jobs too. Go to counsuling together because he will never get it until he is in your shoes. I pray that all goes well. You can always do what I do I force myself to take a quarterly vacation away from everyone. It's well worth it, but with no personal income he would have to finance that, and he would have to understand what's going on before he does that. I pray that all goes well. Just think of it this way, God made a man first, realized he made major mistakes and decided to start over and made a woman.