My situation is grim...My heart and soul are crushed.
Please read my post on the linked relationship forum....
And post a reply here... I'm most desparate for opoins... All people that read and post will get Thumbs up... and Maximuim Points.
http://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=11542
2006-12-12 07:32:15 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well, it sounds like she's had a lot of drama in her life, starting at a very early age. But, it seems she's continued to choose this lifestyle even into her adult life. What you need to ask YOURSELF is are you willing to take a chance that she continue this destructive behavior while in a relationship with you? If she had an affair with a married man WITH CHILDREN, in my opinion, she has no regard for the sanctity of marriage and therefor may not prove to be faithful to you. If she's OK with a man (with children) cheating on his wife, who's to say she won't hesitate to cheat on you? The fact that she had children at a young age is irrelevant...there are many who have done the same and it's not a terrible thing. The fact that she had a drug issue, 4 more children and married a man who had an ongoing drug issue is not good by any means but, it's still not the most important factor I don't think. In YOUR relationship with her the most important thing is that she doesn't seem to have any regard for honoring commitment or the concept of marriage as God intended it to be. This is just my opinion but, if I were you, I'd consider finding someone who will better respect a lifelong commitment and what it means! Good luck to you!!
2006-12-12 08:12:33 · answer #1 · answered by pillowtalk504 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, but you have to let this one go. This girl is trouble from the word "Go"! First she lied and continues to lie about her past, yes she may have things that occurred that she's ashamed of, but if she was willing to tell you only partial and half-truths, she'll never be completely honest with you.
Second, she has kids that don't live with her? Well I know there could be extenuating circumstances, but I'd want to know why!
So she had an affair, yet she tries to pin make it sound like she was right in doing so! The wife threatened her? Puh-lease, you mess with my man, I'm calling and threatening you sorry *** too! But the clue is that HE put out a protection order...sounds like she wouldn't back off when he tried to break it off.
I won't take the time to break down every point, but did want to show that I'd read your post.
As much as this may hurt, and it will and probably for a while, you need to run as fast as you can from this woman and don't look back! Change your number, take out protection order, just get away from her NOW!
P.S. The world owes her nothing, her life hasn't been a series of unfortunate events, it's been from her own poor choices.
2006-12-12 07:49:51 · answer #2 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a person who is always in need of a relationsjhip; furthermore, it seems to me that she has low self-esteem. She gives up sex because she thinks that will make men love her. That is why she got pregnant in high school, started doing drugs, kept finding these guys, because she is looking for someone to love her and she is so desperate for it that she will sacrifice her own values.
I don't think there is anything malicious about this woman, rather quite the contrary. Which is equally as bad. It seems that she is coming to you with a lot of personal baggage and on top of that she is goingto look to you to sort it all out. Be careful with this girl. If you really are interested then try to make her learn some independence and gain some confidence. Take a step back from her, but still occupy the area so she doesn't run off and find someone else to fill her void. She needs to fill it.
2006-12-12 07:38:53 · answer #3 · answered by jazzman1127 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay that was long...
Well, you need to talk with her about it and figure out what you need to do. She does have a very shady past, but people can change. Then again, there is the risk that she might not be able to change and you need to know that there is a higher risk that she hasn't. Don't turn everything over for her, especially not money because then she would only use you. Give yourself and her some space, talk about her past and communicate your feelings and fears with moving onto the next step with her. Honesty is key to a relationship and look into her eyes to see if she is lying or not being honest. If she isn't, then sorry to say, but you are going to have to forget about her, because it seems that you have a really good heart and there are better women out there that will treat you as you deserve to be treated. Good luck.
2006-12-12 07:39:56 · answer #4 · answered by jen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Interesting story. What seemed to miss is how long between the time was she in the married man relationship and the current one with yours?
If that time period is short then:
I think she really does want a fresh start. However, she shouldn't look for a start in another relationship. I think it better that she has time for herself. Having kids at a young age, and having these wrong relationships give her no time to really reflect on her life.
If that period of time was longer, and she was single then:
She does deserve a fresh start and the past is in the past. It may sound crazy but she wants to make the right moves this time.
As for you:
Its really up to you, and how you want to take it. You have nothing to do with her past and you shouldn't be pressured to live in it. Its a whole new relationship and make it that way. She is past those situations, and you shouldn't be concerned with those events in history. It did make her the person she is today, and whether its bad or good worry about what's happening now.
Hope I helped
2006-12-12 07:47:09 · answer #5 · answered by chase 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I read your whole forume, and even I am in shock!
Damn, you are a perfect example of when women complain about how the can't find a good man, but when they do, they mess it up!
Listen, to me, she is being so selfish! She has been selfish for years! What mother with kids puts up with a cocaine addict, and does drugs herself? My mom was one and she changed her life. She still can be selfish, like putting men she barely knows first before her kids. She's not perfect, but she is getting better. she 46, and we(me and my siblings) have been living with her for about 10 years now. She's been clean from drug abuse, and that whole street life. That woman should want to change, not just to benefit you, and which I strongly believe she won't.
And the whole affair she had, it could come back to haunt you. She could very well string you along until she find someone she believes is better. In her case, it seems like money! Please, let that insanity go! I hope and pray for that woman, that at age 43 or 44, she get her act together, for her and her kids!
You have anymore questions, here's my email...
krazy_libra_from_ac@yahoo.com
Krazy Libra
2006-12-12 07:45:11 · answer #6 · answered by krazy_libra_from_ac 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it.. but run like hell. People like that will use you for as long as you allow it and just toss you to the side when they're finished. If she was a willing participant in an affair she will not have a problem cheating on you. And you might want to let her know that life is unfair and it doesn't owe you anything. She sounds like a liar and a cheat and even worse a possible drug addict. There are too many women out there to settle for this crap. Good luck on finding someone MUCH better.
2006-12-12 07:42:23 · answer #7 · answered by omegalibra927 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although it is hard to trust people again after they have lied and done drugs and scheemed and cheated... etc.
But some people can change. But only some.
Give her a chance to tell you everything once and for all, no bullshirt, and when everything is on the table between you two ask her what she really wants in life and if that includes you or not.
Dont let her string you around to only get your heart broken again and again.
Everyone deserves a second chance to be happy.
But not a third.
Good luck
2006-12-12 07:37:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see that you are in a pretty tensed situation.
First of all relax...it is not the end of world.
you told us about her past...and I must admit it is a little bit to worry about. People can't change for that short period. But, they can be tired of that kind of life. And move on.and want to settle.Don't push things to know more about her past, CZ she will feel hurt. If you love her, end of discussion. She will tell you eventually when she will feel that her past can't ruin the current relationship.
There are some people who give love and others who accepts. I can see that you are the giver here. And she takes that. She might need that attention, I don't know. But all depends from you what you are going to do. How do you feel?? does this relationship takes you a lot of energy...do you feel happy...if you do don't push it...just live and see what is happening...CZ you can't get answers too soon...maybe you should be together to find out can you make it for the next level or not....
It is up to you...but whatever you do... don't push it...not with her...not with yourself.
Take care and good luck, in finding a solution.
2006-12-12 07:48:53 · answer #9 · answered by invisible1 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Man i feel so bad for you I say take no chance's tell her what you think. See what she Say's see if she reacts in away you have never seen. Now about trusting here .You need to be careful .Lots happen in that women's life time.Some people stay the same.Maybe not .But you definitely have too brain storm on this. Sit alone for a few ours that should help a little.I don't want to say any thing that can cause trouble.
2006-12-12 07:45:09 · answer #10 · answered by hayla b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋