How do I get over the death of my father?

Question

I was extremely close with my father and now he is gone. I have not been able to accept this and it has been just over three months now.

Answer 1

My dad passed away 12 years ago and I'm still not over it. People that never lost a loved one would never feel the pain those who did went through.

I tried to think about all the happy things me and my dad together when he was alive, but that made me even sadder, it will always be a wound for you because of the closness and love between you and your father. I know it's hard, but time does heal many things, although it will never heal you completely.

If you can talk to someone about your dad, talk to that person, then cry on his/her shoulder or write down all the happy moments and time you had with your dad in a notebook, then cry completely, you will feel much better after that, then put that notebook in a safe place, lock it in a drawer, and tell yourself that your dad is in a much better place right now watching over you like a Guardian (like he always does), he wouldn't want to see you sad and depressed every day, you have to go on without him now.

If you think about your dad or get depressed because of that again, find that notebook and write about your thoughts of him again, lock it away after you're done, cry some if you must. Go through the process everytime if you get sad and depressed because of the death or your father, but don't ever open the notebook at other time.

This is what I did, and it helped me a lot to go through the hard times. I still think about my dad sometimes, and my eyes get all wet when I talk about him with someone.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry for your loss. My Father passed away 6 weeks ago. He was my best friend. I don't know the circumstances to your Fathers passing. My father was 90 years old. I find comfort in knowing he is reunited with my Mother and his family. I have to believe I will see him again. I think of all the wonderful times we shared, what a wonderful Father he was, and how grateful I am that I had him for the time I did.Everyone thought when the day came that he would go that I would have to be sedated or locked up some where because he was my life. Instead, I look at it for what it is, and I just know that it was time. Even with Christmas approaching..I feel sad because I'll miss him so..he's been there every Christmas of my entire life. Things are just simply different now..and as he always said, "life goes on." Thank God for the times you had with your Father, he must have been a good man for you to miss him so much. He's not really gone...it's just different. God bless, I pray you find your peace.

Answer 3

For starters, I'm very sorry to hear about your father. I know it's tough to accept the idea that he's gone, and it may be a long time before you can think about all the good things you remember about your father, so the only piece of advice I can give you for right now is this: Think of your father and how much he loved you -- would he want you to do the best you can and get on with your life, or would he want you to let this drag you down and make the rest of your life miserable? That shouldn't be too difficult to answer. Accepting his passing and moving on doesn't mean you don't love him anymore. You'll always love your father, and the best way that you can honor his memory is to remember him while at the same time remembering that life goes on.

To answer your question: You'll never get over it. Over time, you can get THROUGH it but you'll never get over it. My first wife was killed in a car accident three months to the day before our 10th wedding anniversary and I still haven't gotten over it, but I get through every day. It does get easier. For now, I would encourage you to find a support group, or talk to someone at church, or even see a psychiatrist. Don't try to deal with what you're feeling on your own. There are people out there who are going through the same things you are going through and can relate to your feelings. There are also people who have been where you are right now and have made it through. Talk to them. You have no idea how much it will help you just to talk to someone who has been there and done that. Reach out to those people -- they'll be there for you.

I wish you the best.

Answer 4

First, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 6. What you need to do is understand that you are going to be grieving for awhile. This is a huge loss in your life and three months is not enough time to fully recover. You might want to join a support group for grieving families. You might find one through the funeral home or through a counseling center. You also need to understand that a time will come when the grief begins to subside in intensity and frequency. Your life will begin to regain some new normalcy. However, even years down the road, you will suddenly experience the sense of loss again and it will be painful. But remember, the grief will subside. Things will get better. The pain will become less frequent. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember wondering how everyone expected me to go on like nothing was wrong when my world had collapsed. It's going to be difficult. I hope you have some siblings and other family who understand. You may also want to seek grief counseling to help you through this difficult time. You might also want to read A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. He wrote a journal after the death of his wife. He did not intend that it should be published when he wrote it - but later decided to so that others who are grieving could know someone understood. It's a small book - very moving and well worth the read. Prayer also helps immensely.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss, but you have to remember that you spent years bonding and building a relationship with your father, and three months will hardly be enough for you to grieve. You may never get over the death of your father, but your pain will ease with time and God's help.

I know you will be okay. Dont ever try to forget, just always know you will see him again and he is always in your heart now.

Answer 6

One doesn't fully get "over" these things and there is really no need to. But if you allow yourself to be sad and grieve then with time, you'll notice that the sadness will start to lift. At first for 10 minutes, then half an hour and eventually one day, you will find that you are not sad anymore. Then the happy memories will come and bit by bit, replace the sad ones. Just know that it will get easier! All the very best to you.

Answer 7

I lost my dad in June of 1992. I still miss him deeply. As time goes by you will get better. He died 2 days after Fathers day. We had a great day with him & mom, and other family members. As we were leaving, he gave me a hug, it was the first time he had ever done that. I was 39 at the time. I am so thankful he did, because it left me with a great memory. Hang in there, the pain will never go away, but it will be easier to cope with. Good Luck

Answer 8

hi my name is paul.I would like to help,I know what your feeling.my dad and I were close,to.I could call him at any time ,of the day or night and he never complained.he was a strict,man but also a fair man.just because I,was his son if I was in the rong,lets say with one of my friends,he would tell me and the same if they were in the rong.its been almost,30 years,and you know,im still having a hard time.knowing hes gone.I lost my mom in 1969.she was barley in her 30 thirties.what im trying to say you dont get over looseing,them.I was just driving home from work,one day.jus out of the blue.while I was driving I started crying,so bad I, could barley see the rode.you do learn to live with your loss,beleave me.grieve,scream,cry.most of all ,dont hurry your healing.dont let anyone hurry you.best thing to do.find some you can talk to.this is the mistake I made,I kept it all inside.take my e-mail and ill answer you back.good luck.your friend [e-mail].

Answer 9

you will be in pain for a long time. the important thing is not to rush through the pain!! It will be with you for while and that is perfectly normal! Also consider that he would probably not want you to be as upset as you are!
also consider how we treat death here is a purely social phenomenon. I thought I heard there's a country in south america where if someone dies a WEEKLONG party is thrown to celebrate their life. And people are not upset! Focus on how much of this lack of accepting his death is cultural and how much is your own. You will accept his death when it is your time.

Answer 10

You will never get over it , You must get around it. I lost my dad 11/18/05 , I know your pain. This Below is one of my Fav. quotes. read it , an if you ever want someone to vent to , Please feel free to e-mail me .

"Grief is Like the wake behind a boat.It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp an drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward. But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate. And after a long enough time, the waters of your life get calm again, an that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the starts Above."