This is really weird...but what do y'all think? My fiance is an alcoholic. He's been trying to quit drinking for several months, and I've noticed something about our sex life. It seems like the only time he wants to have sex is when hes been drinking or the next day after a big binge. But when hes sober, he wants nothing to do with me. Both of us are very attractive in our early 20's, so you would think we'd be like a couple of rabbits. But he will push me away if he doesn't have any alcohol in his system! I know he hes not gay and hes not cheating on me, but I'm curious what there is about sobriety that kills his sex drive!? Before his drinking became a problem, we had sex sober all of the time!Should I feel bad that I have sex with him when he's drinking and gets in the mood?
2006-12-12 06:54:26 · 22 answers · asked by Autumn C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As a recovering alcholic(6 1/2 yrs sober) , the only time we want it is when we're drunk. He needs help. I did the same to my wife, exactly as you described it. My wife refused to have alcohol as a mistress. No you should not feel bad , it' when he's drunk that he want's it . REFUSE. WHEN HE PERSISTS , then it's borderline rape. You don't need this.
2006-12-12 07:17:57 · answer #1 · answered by dumbdago 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand that, now that he's drinking constantly, his drinking state is sobriety to him, and being sober is much like being drunk in that it is a foreign feeling. The roles are seriously reversed.
I know it sounds weird, but it's true. When he's sober, he feels a bit drunk. When he's drunk, he feels sober (normal). Therefore, no you shouldn't feel bad; it's not your fault. On the other hand, he probably has some problems with erections, mood, feelings when he is sober that he can easily correct when drunk.
I would honestly advise you to seek help for him; otherwise, your life will be long and miserable.
2006-12-12 06:59:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would say that if he is a hard core drinker with a problem hes more concerned with when his next drink is coming instead of when you are I would really make sure I was ready to take that all on if I were you most drunks in late stages become violent and very undependable and untrustworthy think about it before you make a mistake that will take you down a road you would rather not go.
2006-12-12 07:00:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be a security issue with him. If he's been an alcoholic for a long time and is only used to sex when he's drunk, then trying to have sex when he's sober is probably unsettling, unsatisfying, awkward, and anything but sexy. It'll be a learning process for him to be comfortable enough for sober sex - be patient with him. Alcoholism is a tough, tough thing to beat and good for you for being there to help him through it.
2006-12-12 07:10:11 · answer #4 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, first of all, he has a problem. That should be a major turn off unless there is something wrong with you. He needs to attend some AA meetings. Second, yes, there is something wrong if he only wants to have sex with you when he is drunk!!!!! If he is in his early twenties he should be a full time horn dog!!!!!!!
My husband is 24 and he could have sex 3 times a day EVERYDAY and still want more.
2006-12-12 07:02:37 · answer #5 · answered by ashleyod 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you love him right? then stand by him through this hardship. sex isn't everything, and quite honestly, its very possible that sobriety is gettin to be a challenge for him to even keep a normal attitude about him, and the least of all his worries when he's sober is keepin it up to keep you smiling. Buy some batteries and a girlie power tool ;) ...then consider talking to him about some 'you and me' counseling time or maybe just some renewal time. :)
2006-12-12 07:09:09 · answer #6 · answered by inkognito 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how can you stand to be around him at all when he drinks so much and only wants to have sex when hes been drinking, I'd live him and not look back, because i would want a man to have sex with me sober so he could enjoy it and no how we both felt during our sex drive.
2006-12-12 07:01:07 · answer #7 · answered by sexie1949 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar situation with my first husband. Marriage doesn't fix anything, it only magnifies the problems. Even if he goes through rehab, can you live with this for the rest of your life? If not, it's time to make a clean brake. Show yourself the respect that you deserve.
2006-12-12 07:27:18 · answer #8 · answered by Claire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not be with this guy unless he's in some serious counseling or rehab. Alcoholics can't just quit on their own. He needs medical or psychological treatment. Please, for your own sake, get out of this relationship now if he wont' get help. Things will only get worse. I can promise you that.
2006-12-12 06:57:36 · answer #9 · answered by two_kee_kees 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he's not very serious about quitting drinking if he is still doing it. as far as your sex life, he's probably too ashamed of himself sober to feel good enough for you. you need to decide if it's more important that you support him in his decision to not drink, or for you to get laid.
2006-12-12 06:58:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋