He got a huge promotion, and now, he has this one friend he hangs out with literally more than me, drinks to the point he can't keep both eyes open or talk right, spends all of our money at bars ($150-$350/wk) so we can't pay our bills. He has told me to get a real job, I watch our godson for $100/Wk, (he told me I needed to make $100/wk so I did, now it'snot enough). He says I"m unhappy, I'm not, only when he goes out and I never see him. He complains that none of our bills get paid, but he just pulls money from the atm and goes out, then blames me. I am looking for a part time 3rd shift job, but I've told him that I don't want to support his habits with my check. At one point he suggested marriage counselling and I said no, now, I'm starting to think that it may be my dream come true but his worst nightmare considering his drinking and occasional other bad habits. I don't know what to do. My mom has told me to talk to his mom (right) and to move out until he straightens out??????
2006-12-12 06:32:35 · 10 answers · asked by Jase 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like you will have tough decisions to make. Please realize that this is not your fault.
First of all, your husband has to realize that he has a problem. He has to want to be able to help himself. It may take some time, but he has to do this on his own. I am not saying that you are doing these things, but here are some suggestions. The best thing that you can do is to not enable him when he drinks. Ex: He goes out all night partying and you make breakfast for him, or you hold the puke bucket. Do not feed into his behavior, find things that make you happy. Do not allow yourself to be up all night worried about him. If you consume your time around his disease...it will bring you down as well. Contact AL-ANON, you will meet people that will be there for you.
He has to be willing to attend AA on his own, unless, he is mandated by the court. Ex: DUII. If he chooses to quit drinking, it is up to him to stay away from all triggers. If he attempts to fight this disease alone, he will remain in a dry drunk state. If he seeks recovery...(Remember, relapse is part of recovery)...take things one day at a time.
I know that you are going through the most difficult period in your life, and I feel your pain. It sounds like you will have painful decisions to make, and only you can make them.
2006-12-12 06:45:23 · answer #1 · answered by Nut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have gone to marriage counselling, yes.
You still can.
His drinking must stop. Period. No "cutting back" or "later".
Give a deadline for him to fix this and if he misses AT ALL leave. If he doesn't think you are serious he won't stop. Even if you are serious he might not stop. Some people cannot be saved.
This will hurt. Good luck but don't be afraid to do the right thing even when it's the hardest thing you've ever done.
2006-12-12 06:36:18 · answer #2 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate with you on this. First you need to set up the counseling asap! Hopefully he is still open for it. The next thing is for you to join a support group for yourself. Locate the AA group in your area and let them know your issues. They will get you in touch with a support group for you. Those are the easiest steps but the hard part is going to be putting your foot down. If your situation is anything like mine then he is going to be very resistant at admitting he has a problem. If this is the case then you're going to need to separate from him and let him know that you will not enable him to further his addiction to alcohol. Let him know that you still love him and want to be there for him but until he starts taking steps to get well you can not be a part of his life. This is hard but his life is going to need to start falling apart before he sees he needs help. I will tell you this was the hardest part for me. I had trust issues due to him lying to me over his drinking and over me feeling like he chose his alcohol over me, so i was worried that if I did this he would just find someone else who just put up with his drinking. And that me being gone would just make it easier for him to drink. I finally got to the point where the stress over his drinking just got to be too much and I had enough. I advise you to stay connected with a support system, be strong, and know that this could be a tough battle. My breakthrough came when I finally surrendered myself to the idea that I truely had no control over his drinking problem and that he was the only one who could fix things. Up until then I drove myself crazy trying to fix things and fighting with him. Hang in there and I wish you the very best.
2006-12-12 07:54:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOD! there is somebody else available contained in an analogous place as me!?? i did no longer think of it replaced into achieveable! My boyfriend beverages alot and turns advise and that i'm petrified of him. whilst he's sober he's a plenty nicer individual, yet as quickly as he starts off eating he's a widely used jekell and hyde. And god forbid he no longer drink and shop some money or if he's contained in the temper to get into the rest (drugs) and would't discover what he's calling for, than hells fury is unleashed. he's emotinally and verbally abusive and it has at present escalated to me getting dragged for the duration of our house by using my hair, reason he replaced into soo under the impact of alcohol he concept i replaced into cheating on him, which by using the way - he's the single that made the daughter along with his ex for the duration of our first 12 months mutually - i'm unlike that. He under no circumstances says i'm sorry and that i would be unable to pass paying for for easy issues like bread and milk with out having a panic attack contained in the gorcery shop, reason what if i purchase the incorrect element? if i'm getting the incorrect element than i'm in difficulty...... i'm sorry i've got not got and answer for you. yet attempt and dangle in there in case you think of there's a futre...all i will grant you is a sympathetic shoulder....maby you are going to be one for me.... thank you ang
2016-10-05 05:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i say that you just sit down and really talk to him about it, which i am pretty sure you have but just know that people change. and if you just get it through his head that it will not be the same if he doesnt stop then he will start to change. just restrain him from the alcohol and just have him drink just a little less on the days that he drinks and it will start to get better. and you never know, counceling just might help a little bit.
2006-12-12 06:46:54 · answer #5 · answered by Jay C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't; you can only take care of yourself so that you don't get the fallout from his drinking problem.
You don't have to tell his mother anything because there is nothing she can do either. He will only stop when his life becomes chaotic and unmanagable. You may have to separate from him in order to save yourself your sanity though. It tends to get worse before it gets better.
2006-12-12 06:38:02 · answer #6 · answered by snippers72 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cant help him until he is ready to help himself. You need to pack up and move out! He needs to decide its time on his own with outside pressures!!
2006-12-12 06:40:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help him, he has to want to help himself. You can encourage him to do so, but the only one he is really going to listen to is himself, when and if he ever wakes up to his situation.
2006-12-12 06:40:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to an AA meeting.
2006-12-12 06:35:58 · answer #9 · answered by Sim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take him to talk someone that will help him out
2006-12-12 06:37:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋