Is it wrong if I dislike my fiances family?

Question

My fiances family constantly gives her guilt trips saying she doesnt love the family anymore and that she is leaving the family. In turn she ignores me and does everything they say. We have been planning the wedding and we were planning on having it in my hometown because I have 5 times more family than her and when she told her parents that her dad said "You have to think about me too, I cant get the day off to drive all the way over there." Its only a 2 hour drive. Then on top of that before I even proposed to her her mom told me that they werent the type of family that pays for their daughters weddings, so Im paying for the whole thing. Then her sister is rude and when we first met she treated me like crap and took my fiances phone away and gave it to her husband and told me I had the wrong number. Now I dont feel comfortable around them and I dont know what to do and I dont want to be a bad person but I love my gullable fiance and I want to be with her forever. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

You don't have to like them, but be respectful to them for your fiance.

Answer 2

I'm a tell you now. If you she loves you, she'll have to let her family go. She is going to be your family from now on. But don't sweat the small stuff, you be the consumate christian young man. Be respectful, Respectfully let them know that because you paying ALL the bills that you have a LARGE say-so in the wedding planning. Let your fiance do it you with a little guidance from you of course.

The In-Laws are going to have to learn how to let go of their daughter. You are her immediately family now and as the house band (husband) of you household all decisions need to be agreed upon by you and her.

I suggest counseling by an ordained minister you respect before marriage. Knowing what the word means to a marriage is highly important.

Congrats bro and Good Luck!

Answer 3

there are people in this world no matter what their family will always come first, it seems this person is that way. just know if it comes to it she will choose her family over you even after you are married. you see, i already know what you are thinking , when we get married this **** will be over, she will have to put me First. you are so wrong when you try to make her choose, you are going to loose big time. if she is not standing up for you now she never will, it will always be family and then you.now if you really want this to work, you have to be a man about it. if you have to pay for the wedding, you need to call the shot. if you let her father decide where the wedding is going to be the whole family will never respect you. why don't you elope and be through with it. this way you can have a small reception. take control now, let her know if you are paying for everything you be dame if her dad will say when and where. if he can be there good if he can't too dame bad. you also need to let her know as your wife you come first and if she can't see that way you two need to date a little longer. be sweet when you tell her this, when she say "I do", that is real. talk with a minister, he will tell her who comes first and you need to know if she can't put you first, the marriage will never work. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 4

No, it is selfish of them to demand so much of her and to encourage her to disrespect you. They were dysfunctional before you came into her life and they'll make your marriage dysfunctional through her because she is too weak to tell them where their place is. My husband's mother is horrid but he made sure she understood he was my husband not hers and that his responsibility was to me and not her. My family is horrid in general. Everyone feels like I became too good when I got with him. That wasn't the case, he just helped me to achieve my goals and not just drain me for all my energy and effort. Family is supposed to help and improve life but when they drain it like her family does to her they are a problem. You need to realize before you marry her that if she isn't strong enough to challenge her family and respect you before the marriage it will be worse when you do marry her. Then when you are on here asking if you should divorce her we'll all be saying you should have realized she was too weak to put her family in their place before you married her. These types of things do not get better. You either marry this girl and move her far away from her family and make her life so damn good that she won't think to look back or you let this little filly go cause it will be more hassle than it is worth in the end. Marriage is about self love first and your girl has a hard time loving her self enough to prioritize her life. Your marrying her is not going to change that.

Answer 5

My suggestion is to postpone your wedding until your fiance grows up.

I'm completely serious. If your fiance is kowtowing to them to the point of ignoring you, then you must have an idea that you will always be last on her priority list. Is that acceptable to you? (And I can guarantee you that if it's acceptable now, in a few years it will become impossible and you'll end up divorced.)

Moreover, if you are paying for it, you get final say over her family. Period. Unless they are willing to cough up the bucks, they should go suck on a throat lozenge and keep their mouths shut.

You need to put your foot down with your fiance and ask her to make a choice about her priorities. If she is not willing to compromise, I would ask for my ring back and send her back to her family. After all, she seems more interested in them than in you.

Answer 6

Sign the prenup if you want to marry, then go get a job and work hard at your married life and your family life and your job. Prenups are a fact of life for any family that has money or a family business. Trust me you can love him and think he is the greatest and we will never divorce - but it can and does happen and unless you are bringing in a large amount of property of money into this marriage the prenup is for his protection. Get a good lawyer and get it going. Frankly this should have come up long before a few months before the wedding. Good luck and remember you love him NOT the money!

Answer 7

Take it from a women who has the in-laws from hell......... while you are marring her, and she is the main focus in your life, you can't avoid"them". I jokingly say (now that I can joke about it) that if had met my husbands family before excepting his proposal, I would have said hell no! I won't go into detail, as you are suffering enough on your own end right now. Love her, support her and try to turn a deaf ear to them. Eventually she will see them for what they are. And if her folks are being bitchy enough to not help with the expenses for the wedding, screw em when it comes to accommodating them as to the where the wedding is. Hold firm to your own ideas and plans.

Answer 8

You need to take a serious look at your relationship before getting married. The future in-laws actions are immature and unforgivable but your fiance's willingness to bend to their wishes and ignore you is an even bigger issue sure to cause problems down the line. It is a recipe for a short marriage unless she is willing to stand by your side in the face of their mental abuse. None of there actions or excuses should mean anything if the 2 of you are truly united. she might say it but she needs to demonstrate it. If they feel alienated and sever ties that's their problem but your fiance needs to take a stand in support of both you and the two of you as a couple. Continue dating, be there for her but save the wedding money for now.

Answer 9

First of all as you are paying for the wedding so you hold it where ever you want to. Second of all remember, you are marrying her, NOT her family. I suggest you move away. Remember, the difference between an in-law and an outlaw is one is wanted and the other is not. Try to be patient but also be firm.

Answer 10

They really are mean, but its your wife you have to live with forever which you love more than anything. But then her family will always exist in your lives so try in as much as possible to be in good terms with them. Live as far away as possible... or watch "meet the parents" to make you feel you're not alone in this world having the same problems.

Answer 11

Be polite, but limit your contact. If they come over, greet them, spend a few minutes and then excuse yourself. If its gets too bad, avoid them all together. Same if they invite you two over. If they aren't being subtle that they don't like you, the best you can do is be the bigger person for your fiance's sake and be polite. However, don't submit yourself to torture. If she loves you, she won't ask you too. She personally needs to speak to her family also and tell them she doesn't approve of the way they treat you and if it continues she should limit her contact too. When you marry "you forsake all others" that includes family.