I was with him long before he got married and we've supported each other through some truly horrible times in our lives (death, illnesses). I've tried to cut it off, but he fills a need in me. Lately I feel like I'm going to go to hell. No angry moral judgements, please. What do you honestly think?
2006-12-12 05:43:37 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some of you didn't get it... and thanks to those who did. I am not 16... we have been together for 16 years. he married his wife less than 3 years ago because she lied and said she was pregnant and threatened him with various things... She will not have sex with him. SHE is the gold-digger. He has never given me a cent and I don't want anything but his time. It works well for us. I don't need a man up my a*s*s 24/7.
2006-12-12 06:05:23 · update #1
Sixteen years? Bravo for you. Although I'm sure you'll take a beating here on this I have to commend you. Obviously there is considerably more to the relationship than just getting laid. A lot more.
So I hardly think you're going to hell...as hell doesn't exist anyway. I guess were i to enter into an affair I'd prefer to do so with someone like you.
Best of luck and don't sweat eternal damnation. its a state of mind.
2006-12-12 05:50:56 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Personally I would never have an affair with a married man, it's just wrong no matter what the situation. You must think it's wrong too if you are having feelings that you are going to go to hell. You're not a bad person, you just made a bad decision, so don't dwell on it.
It's understandable that you wouldn't want to end the relationship since it is something that you have been involved in for quite some time, and you feel he "fills a need in you". But don't you think that you deserve more than being the other woman? You are not going to be able to find a real man that loves you and treats you the way a woman should be treated as long as you are involved with this man.
To truly be happy you have to cut contact with Mr. Wrong and set your sights on a real man. It will take time to find the right one, so don't get discouraged when it doesn't happen over night. Good luck.
2006-12-12 05:51:51 · answer #2 · answered by MELISSA B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
w0w that is really bad im sure you know this. I understand that he was always there for you but if that were the case why had you not married him then i mean it has been going on a lo0ng time my opinion is this you NEED to find yourself a man you can call your own and marry and live your life with that will also be there for you not only to sleep with you and be there to comfort you when times are tough. I mean for some reason he did not want to marry you but instead married his wife What your doing is dead wrong and you are right for feeling that way I mean think of it like this what if you were the wife and ur hubby was sleepn with a women for that long and didnt tell you g0d that would hurt once again what if you were that woman?? Sometimes we know the right answer we just dont wanna hear it if i were you i would talk to him and tell him how you feel cuz the guilt will only tear you up more and more g00d luck
2006-12-12 05:53:22 · answer #3 · answered by bkgrl718 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are horrible. I think you should be careful though. You and him still have feelings for eachother for a long time despite the fact that he is married now.
But what are you going to do if his wife finds out and tries to cause you some problems or comes after you. You don't need that.
Think about it. Is he worth the consequences you may have to pay in the long run.
Some things you have to give thought too.
How long is he married? How would you feel if you were married and your husband was cheating on you?
Is it worth the heartache and problems that may follow?
I wish you the best of luck. I think you can find someone to make you happy without him being married. Someone that will love and cherish you. and make you happy.
You are Worth more than what this married man can give you So don't feel down on yourself, go out and find the right person for you. God Bless you
2006-12-12 06:54:02 · answer #4 · answered by angeldove458 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are probably feeling guilty.....you are probably coming to grips that what you're doing really isn't right....If you were his wife, and you found out that he had been having an affair with someone for 16 years how would you feel? Wouldn't you feel awfully betrayed and hurt for being lied to for so many years?
But lets talk about this....he doesn't love you or her...let's be clear about that. He has literally used two women for 16 years to satisfy his selfishness.
He does fill a void in you I'm sure. The problem is for 16 years he is the only thing you have "allowed" to fill that void...You DESERVE better for yourself than settling for some man who abuses you like this....Yes, this is abuse...he is abusing your mind, your spirit and your body....
I would encourage you to really get some counseling. If that is not an option....you need to get some good self help books. You need to work on your self image and develop some self worth and self respect....Understand you deserve better than what you are getting. Don't feel guilty anymore....If you believe in God, then you ask for His forgiveness, and pray that He will give you the strength that you need to stay away from this man. Ask Him to bring you a support system so that you can continue to resist the urge to go running back to this man.
I wish you all the best....you're going to be OK.
2006-12-12 05:51:59 · answer #5 · answered by favrd1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds more about the bs that the alleged "Christians" are likely to lay on you than reality.
Reality: Sounds as if you love this man. Maybe he loves you. If you can find love, any way you can, go for it.
I am guessing there is a good reason you never married?
Please do not judge yourself. I am sure that if there is a hell, doing what you have been doing will not put you in there.
The following is not directly related to you but, well, here goes:
I had a dear friend who saved my life by helping me in my recovery from addictiions. He also helped hundreds of people. I got to spend a week with him when he was preparing to die from a very aggressive form of lymphoma that only people with AIDS get. He was gay, you see, and in his quest for love he took too many chances.
So my friend is laying on his deathbed and tells me that he is afraid he will go to hell because he is gay (his father was a fundamentalist preacher who phycally abused my friend and his brothers and sisters as children). I told him that there was no way. That he had helped so many others that even if he had murdered a person he would go to Heaven or Nirvahna, or whatever. There were 400 people at his memorial. People he had helped save from addiction. I think he found LOVE by helping others.
Now, as for his father. . . I know that the brothers and sister are still suffering from the abuse as adults. His father may have to answer to his own Maker at some point.
Sometimes I wonder if the place we live IS hell. We are subjected to such anger, judgement and pain.
I am sending good thoughts out to you. You are deserving of love and happiness. I believe you are a good person.
Take care of yourself.
2006-12-12 06:16:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Plz understand the sanctity of marriage. It is an exclusive relationship betwen two persons. If he was with you before his marriage and married another woman then you should have understood his preferences. You are not needed.
You can remain a friend and there is nothing wrong if you comfort each other during stressful periods like death, illness etc. It is sometimes easy to communicate with a good friend than with your spouse. Sexual relationship should stop after his marriage. That is totally wrong.
It is time to outgrow your needs and find your own husband who can stand by you. I cannot understand how women can poach upon another woman's husband. How would you feel if your husband supported another woman and had sex with her? You should respect the wife's rights and spare her the trauma of a husband who cheats. Plz read the questions of so many women who ask questions about cheating. Their hearts are filled with anguish and they blame their man. You are equally responsible for another woman's anguish. Plz stop this sexual relationship immediately. I donno if you will go to hell but you have pushed that wife into hell already. Have a heart for another woman who is like your sister and spare her from further trauma.
2006-12-12 05:57:58 · answer #7 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't horrible, you're just stupid.
He married HER, not YOU, so that should tell you something. He doesn't want you as a permanent mate, not matter what you think, or how great it "feels" when you're together, etc.,
He has proven by his behavior that this is all you're going to get from each other.
If that's enough for you, then stay with him, but it sounds to me like you need more than this guy is willing to give.
You should have stopped wasting your time after a year or two.
Get COMPLETELY away from him 100%, get over it, and move on and find someone else, or you're going to be a very, very lonely old woman someday.
2006-12-12 06:25:34 · answer #8 · answered by dork 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
although i can't completely understand all of this and probably don't want to....i have a few words to say about it. You seem to be alright with all of this, and understandably so. You don't need the relationship to make you feel secure about any of these things, and the primal urge for sex is all that gets fulfilled between the two of you. You have a friendship, which for anyone and everyone, is most definately less complicated than the possesion of a RELATIONSHIP. too bad he got married to the lying c*nt that said she was pregnant. you could have continued this affair for the rest of your life without an ounce of the guilt you endure now. You, sweetheart, are not going to hell for this. You are human. I've been cheated on, and sure it sucks...but in all honesty, its human nature to rely on our hormones to make decisions for us. Luckily for you, you had a sidekick to help you through other times in your life, along with the extra curricular activities. Count yourself lucky for the experiance, and if you feel so guilty, consider putting it on ice for a while til you forgive yourself. In the end, you are the only person you have to blame for any guilty feelings you may have. I wish you the best in this one, as difficult as it may be.
2006-12-12 06:26:27 · answer #9 · answered by inkognito 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you're young and he's taking advantage.. How can he truly be there for you when he's married to another woman? And if you guys have been together long before his marriage, why aren't you the one he married? You deserve more than that sweetie, and he's just stringing you along. You aren't horrible, you probably just looking for some type of approval that you think you get from him. Cut it off with him before you really end up hurting yourself. He may say that he cares, but does he really since he's with someone else? Please be careful in your decisions.
2006-12-12 05:48:00 · answer #10 · answered by NestleGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋