My husband's kids live with us.. Their mom has refused to pay child support, dissapoints the kids repeatedly but now they are trying to resolve the issues. My first priority is and always has been my husband and the kids... However, now that they are trying to resolve everything I feel that we should try and all get along for the kids sake. The thing is one of the kids is not speaking to his mom because he is really angry with her for something she has done. I want to help him get over it and try and move forward but is it my place and how do i help? I am trying to keep an open mind about his ex and am even going to invite her to our home for her youngest sons birthday party, but i dont know that my husband and my older step son are as easy to get over everything that has happened in the last year. What should I do to help this family? Or should I just butt out?
2006-12-12 05:40:07 · 18 answers · asked by luckygirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm 30 years old, but gained a step parent when i was 8 years old.
its important that your step children feel excepted and well liked.
at the same time you should never interfere with the child's relationship with their real parent. step children will resent you for it because the relationship with ones real parents is so personal and emotional. you have to walk a fine line and i don't envy you for it but i do respect you for it. you seem concernd for them and i commend you on your efforts. however, please let this child sort out their own feelings and come to terms with their emotions. let them know you will be there to talk over anything that their feeling. be a sounding board for them. they will appreciate that and remember it when they get older. good luck
2006-12-12 05:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
RE: Why do ex-wife's try to turn children against ex-husband's and become bitter when ex-husband re-marries. I have been married to my husband for 4 years now. We are a mixed family. I have 3 children and he has 1 child with his ex-wife. I am 15 years younger than my husband and 8 years younger than his ex-wife, I would hate to think that has anything to do with her resentment twords me. In the begining...
2016-05-23 00:06:01 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women always want to make everything nice and sweet and have everyone get along but that just isn't realistic. Your stepson has a damn valid reason to be pissed at his joke of a mother. For you to act like that should all be forgotten to make everything all hunky dory is going to do nothing but push that poor boy away. Please don't do that to him. That is his mother and he has the right to decide if he wants to allow her in his life. Be proud that you are raising a young man who is brave enough to stand up for what he knows is right, and smart enough to realize that she hasn't been a good mother. I think you should look at some situations in your life where you have had VALID reason to disclude someone from your life and then think about how you would feel if someone close to you wanted you to "just get over it". Your loyalty should lie with your kids and your husband and really, not to sound harsh bu how dare you take her side in this issue, when YOU are the one raising HER kids, she doesn't deserve sympathy and she doesn't deserve to have the title MOM, you do. She deserted her children, remember that.
2006-12-12 05:50:22 · answer #3 · answered by Princess~C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to have a family meeting where everyone gets to express their feelings about this issue. You need to be more of a mediator and try and keep your opinions out of the conversation. You should attempt to steer the conversation a bit towards a happy and amicable solution. If the youngest is too young to express his feelings then yes do step in, but otherwise let them come up with a decision and whatever that is, you stick to it as a family.
2006-12-12 05:45:24 · answer #4 · answered by Gonzo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are trying to do. You are thinking about the relationship between the kids and their mother, which is an extremely sensitive but important relationship. I have to give it to you. Not many second wives would really care about this, which is very sad. Can you communicate with his ex? Does she talk to you? Maybe you can have a one on one, woman to woman talk with her. You don't say, but seems like the mother may have had a tough past and may be trying to get her act together. Everyone deserves a second chance, but she has to be completely serious because her children's emotions are involved here. That's why you need to talk to her and see what's going on with her. In the meantime, if you feel like no one is relating to you or is understanding what you are trying to do, just be there for them when they need you and step back. You have to know if you are over-stepping your boundaries. You don't want them to feel as if you are forcing them to do something they are not ready to do.
I wish you luck, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
2006-12-12 05:51:39 · answer #5 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I, too, have a stepson whose mother had nothing to do with him and I got the short end of the stick every day. He hated me for being there and not his mother. It didn't matter what I did for him. So I just kept on loving him and doing what a mother should do for her son. Just keep giving your all and when the child grows up, he will realize what a wonderful and special person he has in his life, YOU! It is already happening with my stepson, he will be 17 in a few months, and it is hard to keep holding the grudge against me, I can see the defenses coming down! Hang in there, you are an angel! God Bless!
2006-12-12 05:46:34 · answer #6 · answered by lee911 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That happened to my sister and her husband. Gotta tell you, the ex-wife in that case is a NPD and she manipulated the kids so much that two of them are now just as nutty as she is. I suggest that your husband get his attorney involved. My sister and b-i-law tried to be nice and just take care of the kids without her help but she finally brainwashed the youngest one into moving in with her and cutting off contact with his Dad. Its really sad cause he's the one that's always been there for the kids. The situation sounds so much like theirs that I suggest you head it off now. I wouldn't invite her over though. You are setting yourself up if you do.
Once my b-i-l went to court and made it so she couldn't contact him directly, things went much better. He made sure that the state handles the child support payments he makes so she can't manipulate that situation. She tried to contact him directly but he just pointed her to the State for or his attorney and she dropped that like a hot rock. OH, btw, I think shes on here and so I'd look out for her. She comes across likes she's the sane one but she's crazy.
2006-12-12 05:57:33 · answer #7 · answered by french_frnd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their lives affect you, so there is not "butting out" in this scenerio. You are the mediator and your husband and step kids are so lucky to have you. You just explain to them all that the kids need to continue a relationship with their mother and that she has made mistakes because humans make mistakes. Only God can judge. Good luck to you Angel!
2006-12-12 05:57:13 · answer #8 · answered by E! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is sounds like your heart is in the right place for sure. My suggestion would be that the best way for you to "help" is just to be there to emotionally support the kids as they go through this tough time. Tell them that their mom and dad both love them, tell dad you'll support whatever he decides is best for his kids, but other than that stay out of the picture as much as possible.
2006-12-12 05:42:37 · answer #9 · answered by ScubaGuy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These were not your problems at the onset,....so why make them yours now. The best thing a person can do is listen,...and facilitate healing. You really need insights,and strength to understand when and where you are needed.
Word to the wise never bash that woman,...their mother.
You stand and be the one who is there for them,....THIS TAKES A LOT OF TIME AND PATIENCE.
my heart goes with you and I hope good will out do the pain and suffering.
2006-12-12 05:48:56 · answer #10 · answered by iroc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋