blowing you off on your b-day? We've been married for only 3 months and he was a complete jerk to me on my birthday this passed Sunday. The passed two birthdays were a blast (he proposed on my birthday last year).
He worked in the morning, came home around 3:30 and then fell asleep on the couch. He asked me what I wanted to have for dinner but my answer of "Chinese. From anywhere is fine." was just not acceptable. So he got me nothing. I told him that he'd completely ruined my birthday and still he thinks that somehow he's in the right. I spent the whole rest of my birthday sobbing in my room because he'd hurt me so badly. He came in at one point (around 8:30 or so) and said he was going to McDonald's and did I want anything. Yeah, that's a great birthday dinner! Then we got into a shouting match Monday morning too. He said that it's not his fault that my birthday sucked. Yeah, it just happened on its own.
I'm tempted to call his mother and tell her what a jerk he's been.
2006-12-12 04:48:31 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He knew that it was my birthday. He said happy birthday in the morning before he left for work and then again when he came back. But that's all the effort he made. My only thought with telling his mom was to show him that I'm not going to take his bull****. And I know that she'd lay into him about treating me that way.
2006-12-12 04:53:35 · update #1
His only reason for acting that way was because I didn't tell him an exact location and exact menu. He's unwilling to make any decisions on his own. I gave him free-reign on picking something for me but instead he chose to ignore me and treat me badly when it wasn't necessary.
2006-12-12 04:56:26 · update #2
We're not young at all. I'm 29 and he's 28.
2006-12-12 05:16:30 · update #3
It sounds like you are both young and are going through typical newlywed stuff. He didn't have a plan (did he even remember it was your birthday?) and maybe you had some expectations built up based on the last couple of years being wonderful on your birthday.
Later when it's not a hot point, try talking to him about this, how you were excited it was your b-day and because he'd made it so much fun before you had some expectations that maybe you didn't voice....etc. Acknowledge that you contributed to the situation...and in the future try to voice your expectations so he is at least aware of them. Men and Women think very differently and this sounds like a manifestation of that.
My family (brothers, mom, etc) are very casual about birthdays. A couple years ago I had a really important milestone birthday and was expecting something special - plus my mom had had a big milestone birthday about three weeks before mine and I had thrown her a big surprise party. I didn't say anything to anyone in the family or at work, I figured everyone knew. No-one remembered my birthday. I was crushed. Even my mom forgot to call, no office lunch (which was the tradition) not one single card. The following weekend my family did have a small dinner party for me and the next week my office had a party...But the following year I made a really big deal about it. I told everyone two or three weeks in advance that my birthday was coming, reminded everyone how they had all missed this important milestone birthday, that I was expecting a really big party and lots of wonderful gifts. I made sure that no one would forget. And guess what, I got a huge party at the office, we shut down for the afternoon, and the biggest family bash with the best gifts I've ever gotten, including a painting I'd been trying to talk my mom out of for years and a compound miter saw from my brother that I'd been wanting for ages.
My point is, he loves you. He wants you to be happy (even tho day to day stuff gets in the way sometimes). Be sure you help him by making it known what you want and expect. And don't call his mom and tattle, it will come up eventually but doing that will just make things worse right now.
2006-12-12 05:08:11 · answer #1 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awwhh, although I've never been married, but have significant others- it seemed like your hubby was a bit insensative. It's no excuse, however he may not have been able to give you the type of birthday he truly wnated to give you. But then the flip side to that would have been the nice chinese food, a foot massage, gentle pecks on your neck , and then while he made a quick run to Mickey D's to get sundaes, you were waiting and relaxing in the candle lit tub after he made love to you.. He could have made this the most special bday ever with little or nothing.. Remember to tell him how special you b-day is from now on and remeber his birthday is coming up- what goes around comes around- But you be the bigger person and show him what a true b-day should be like.
And lastly, don't call his mom.. remember timing is everything. It's bound to come up in a conversation or a family gathering..
2006-12-12 13:01:04 · answer #2 · answered by Dana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm down. For whatever reason, this escalated into a conflict. I don't believe for a second that it was "all his fault" - in most cases, it takes two to "kick it up a notch" (something I learned from a long personal experience of arguing with husbands). Yes, perhaps he didn't shower you with rose petals upon his arrival from work. Not very thoughtful of him - but maybe he was tired, or had something on his mind. If he was too tired to go out that day - let it go, and suggest you make a date the following day. What's the big deal? Does it REALLY matter so much if the outing is on that particular day, even at the price of an argument? So, you'd go out a day or two AFTER your b-day. Believe me, it's not a big deal at all.
I don't know if there's been a pattern of him disregarding your wishes and being selfish. If this kind of stuff has been going on for some time, and this was just the last drop - then I can totally understand your anger and hurt. But if this episode was not characteristic of your overall relationship in general - by all means, let it go, and make up.
Happy b-day.
2006-12-12 13:10:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's acting like a child. regardless of the fact that he feels he is right, because he loves you, he needs to take your feelings into account. Men can be so nieve. He should've planned something or gotten you a gift. He should've taken the iniative but he didn't. Give him time. Men don't like to admit when they are wrong. I bet a week from now you'll have a dozen roses and an apology. If not, I'd get him a happy meal for his b-day next year.
2006-12-12 13:20:31 · answer #4 · answered by skybelle24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I was married to him once! No birthdays, no Christmas gifts...why because he was selfish and a jerk. He was not thinking about you that is for sure. He needs to grow up. It sounds like you are very young. I would never say to involve your in-laws in your confrontations, but in this case, it might be best coming from Mom. I am sure she taught him better than that. She could explain why this hurt you when you cannot. That boy needs a talkin' to!! Good luck Sweetie, but if this happens again, you may need to rethink your relationship. It seems like a small thing, but it was hurtful, and you don't need a lifetime of being hurt.
2006-12-12 12:59:29 · answer #5 · answered by Bev 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is a jerk but I am sorry, somehow complaining to his mom sounds pathetic and childish.
Sometimes you need to tell the other person what your expectations are. If you think the others somehow are going to figure it out, you set yourself up for a disappointment. Still doesn't change the fact that he could at least be nicer to you on your birthday.
2006-12-12 13:04:59 · answer #6 · answered by Tink 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Young love...maturity comes with age. Dosesn't excuse his behavior but...
Whatever you do, don't stoop to his level (immature) and do any eye for an eye bit. That's what tends to ruin marriages. Kill him with kindness and do something nice for yourself. Like a post birthday gift to yourself. Tell him you forgive him for not doing anything on your birthday and then let him know that his gift to you is a spa treatment that you are going on by yourself. Give him a kiss, say I love you and go have fun.
Good luck.
2006-12-12 12:55:19 · answer #7 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that sweetie. Happy Birthday by the way. He's laying down on the job. He can't blame that on you - he was just being lazy. I think you should call his mom.
2006-12-12 13:16:16 · answer #8 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband sort of did the same thing to me this year. He worked on my b-day and when he got home he expected dinner and all that wifey stuff, he didn't even realize it was my b-day. When I told him that he didn't even wish me happy b-day and that I was upset and didn't feel very special. He told me "b-days are for kids". I was so freaking mad I still repeat what he said of course I reminded him how I do things for him on his bday and he said to me not to bother anymore. Of course I know he would be upset if I didn't do anything. Boys are so immature and jerks sometimes.
2006-12-12 12:57:52 · answer #9 · answered by Selly 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well honey that man has no respect for his wife. If he would have just stopped and pick up you a card at the dollar store you would have been happy with that. But he didn't even do that. That tells me he has no respect at all for you. KICK HIS ASSSSSSSSSSS.
2006-12-12 13:23:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋