ok,my husband has 2 children from a previous relationship, and I have one from a previous relationship. I moved 100 miles south of my hometown and family so that my husband could live near his children. We need a babysitter for my 4yr old son and my mom offered to keep him but someone has to drive him 100 miles north. I work about 8 hours a day and my husband only works about 5 and I asked him if he would take my son up to my moms and he said no, only if she'd meet him half way. If she won't meet him half way then I have to be the one to take him all the way there. Is this fair? He gets off work 3 hours before me! He said he has to be back home in time to take HIS son to basketball practice but I even told him that I could do that for him! He says everytime he won't help me out that i'm feeling sorry for myself. Getting him to help out with my son is like pulling teeth. I thought in a marriage you were suppose to help one another?
2006-12-12 04:38:06 · 19 answers · asked by rideabanjopicker 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I drive farther to work, have to work longer hours, and have to go to a babysitter before and after work and he gets paid for his drive time and everything! He has such a gravy job! I'm glad he doesn't have to work long and hard but I just wish he'd help me out when he could since I don't have it as easy as he. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
2006-12-12 04:41:24 · update #1
I think some of my answerers are a little confused. His daycare provider is only 10 miles away but this particular day he needs someone to keep him for 2 days overnight. My mom and dad don't get to see him much since we live far away so this one particular time they want to keep him for us while we are out of town. I'll be the one picking him back up. I just needed my husband to take him there while I was still at work.
2006-12-12 05:56:52 · update #2
you need to sit him down and tell him that you moved away from your family so he can be close to his son you do everything for him why can't he do that for you ?
i'm sorry i thought a marriage was a 50/50 not 100/0.
he is in the worng not you.
your trying to make it work he isn't.
so if he don't do it just tell him that you want to move back 50 miles back home so you both can win...
if he don't that either then he just in it for himself and no one else.
2006-12-12 04:53:45 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. Rockstar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. However, you are wrong if you expect your husband to change. If he refuses to help with your son too then there really isn't a marriage there. When two families combine together, both parents take responsibility for all children involved. He seems to be skipping out on your son. You need to ask yourself if this is how you want to live because he isn't budging on this. Your husband will keep telling you that you are feeling sorry for yourself as long as you put up with what he is doing and complain about it. Either put your foot down, or kick him to the curb. Good luck.
2006-12-12 04:52:48 · answer #2 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right to feel this way. It seems he has a false idea that there is "his jobs & responsibilities" and "your jobs and responsibilities" and that is just not how it works in a marriage. In a marriage, all the responsibilities are laid out on the table and you decide who does what based on what will work out best for the marriage. Obviously you need help with this particular item. He is being selfish, but there may be more... is he comfortable with your son? Is he comfortable with your mother? I know it seems lame, but fear of being around someone you are not comfortable with, even for the short time to drop a child off, can make a person not want to do something at all. What are the consequences if you can't have your mom watch your son and is he willing to accept that? Women often times get stuck with more of the "domestic responsibilities" unfairly... is this a pattern with other items too?
2006-12-12 04:48:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He sounds like he is an anal orifice. Blended families are hard work. I guess he just thinks of his own and his son's needs. Maybe you should try marriage counseling. Maybe if a third party is involved he will be able to see his part in all of it.
Was he always like this? And if no, did he change after the papers were signed?
Good luck.
2006-12-12 05:20:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are suppose to help each other. It almost seems as if he is very selfish. You moved all that way for him to act like an a$$. I would have a heart to heart conversation with him and if things did not change than I would think about a different option, There are many more out there that will work with you and not against you... Good Luck!!
2006-12-12 04:43:21 · answer #5 · answered by Niecy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is definately being selfish. If you can't sit him down and talk sense into him, then you might need to seek counseling and explain to him that you can't understand his perspective and he can't understand yours, so you need a third party's assistance in order to continue on with the marriage. Explain your perspective of a marriage to him. You have tried, I can see it by what you typed, that you are compromising, and truly trying to resolve the issues. 100 miles to a baby sitter is a bit far, I wouldn't do this, but that is just me. You should be closer to your family if they are offering you this type of support.
2006-12-12 05:34:44 · answer #6 · answered by E! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of it incredibly is a super concept on condition that they do no longer see him plenty n confident in any relationship u would desire to artwork mutually and study to compromise and he's being unfair.i could be upset to boot.attempt as quickly as greater and tell him u opt for your son with your mom say precisely what u have stated at right here and if he does not then i believe he's the single with the project n it may actually be dealt with.If he does not like your mom or regardless of his situation is he needs to handle it and flow on or this would o.k. be the beginning up of the top.It is going the two way and u r very prepared to take his son yet incredibly i might pass on your mothers and perhaps stay there with your son n enable him pass on his very own.try this if he does not compromise with you.
2016-10-05 05:31:37 · answer #7 · answered by catherine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little of both. To expect anyone to drive that far for daycare is outrageous. Try to find one closer to home. I also get the feeling that his refusal of this is the tip of the iceberg! You don't say how long you have been married, so I don't know if he hasn't really developed a relationship with your son yet or not. Try to help them to develop one. By the way his kids will always come first with him and that's how it should be. Your son should always come first with you.
2006-12-12 04:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
take YOUR mom out of the equation. now...what are you going to do about your 4 year old son? get a local sitter if this is a one time deal. someone has a responsible teenager who can babysit. if you are talking a long term arrangement....get daycare. it would be the same as gas to be transporting the child back and forth. and the both of you really need to let go of this whole mine, yours, his/hers nonsense. that's not helping matters when joining two families together.
2006-12-12 04:54:51 · answer #9 · answered by Bella 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
a SAD FACT IS THAT WHEN PEOPLE MARRY AND STEP CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED SO MUCH MORE STRESS IS PUT ON THE MARRIAGE! There is no quick and easy solution. It would seem like you are doing more than your share, however , what exactly is his roadblock to helping you? These kinds of marriages need to be well thought out prior to marriage, again, try appealing to his softer side and asking and not telling him you need his help. Ask him for a compromise, and be prepared for the worst!
2006-12-12 04:47:27 · answer #10 · answered by dominicaquilino 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋