i have been divorced for 3 years now. i see my ex wife all the time, we have 3 children together, we have joint custody. i have had a girlfriend for about a year. she hates my ex. she goes in a tangent every time i talk to my ex. we mainly talk about the kids when we do talk. why can she not be understanding? she is a great woman and i love her dearly, she does everything for me(and i mean EVERYTHING). but i feel i need to be in contact with my ex concerning the kids. i do still have feelings for my ex and i do not want to hurt her.i am in a difficult situation with them both. what do i do? i feel i can not continue being in this situation. do i continue to live with this? do i cut my losses and let her go?
2006-12-12 04:12:54 · 9 answers · asked by jim s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she should understand that you and your wife will always talk because you have three children together, she should have already gotten over the fact that you guys talk, if one year isnt enough then she doesnt trust you. I would move on, and just worry about your children, never put anyone before your children!
2006-12-12 04:18:05 · answer #1 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your g/f needs to understand that you and your ex are still your children's FAMILY. She's jealous and being very possessive for no reason. She needs to understand that because you have children you need to be part of their lives and that includes talking to their mother. She didn't just join you, she became part of a bigger family. It's great for the kids when everybody gets along, but it can be hell in a hurry when they don't. She also needs to understand that you and your ex are still friends, but you LOVE her. This is getting way longer than I usually like to write, but I have a real sore spot with this. I am in the process of getting a divorce and I live with my current b/f. We are engaged to be engaged. Recently my ex was staying with us for a few days on his way home from a job. It's the only way he can see our son. The guys got along great. That's the way it should be. My b/f isn't trying to take my ex's place, he's making his own place in my son's family. Another story... my sister got divorced after 27 years and five kids. Her ex got married again. Whenever there is a gathering in our family her ex and his wife are always included because they are still FAMILY. It is essential that the two women grow up and get along because neither one of them is going to go away and it will be better for the kids.
2006-12-12 12:23:59 · answer #2 · answered by Joanne B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. Sticky situation. Well, as a 2nd wife and stepmother, I was in her shoes once. If you are the first divorced guy she's ever dated, she may be having trouble wrapping her head around the situation. It's pretty complicated, plus it's no fun to have to deal with your man's ex wife, or even to deal with the fact that she's still in your life (and will be until the kids grow up)
I think your first step is to take a deep breath and decide if you are really ready to date again. If you still have feelings for your ex, you should be taking it REALLY slow with any new love interests. It's not fair to your girlfriend, because she is making herself vulnerable to you, and you aren't ready to commit to a new relationship.
If you decide that you are ready, and that she is worth it, then you need to have some long talks about how she is feeling about the whole situation, where she fits into your life, where your ex and your kids fit in to your life and to her life, etc etc.
If she can't handle the fact that your kids are an important part of your life, then she's not right for you. And if she isn't willing to work with you on the ex-wife situation, then she also isn't right for you. You are at a difficult point in your life, and you can't afford to have someone draining more of your energy.
My husband told me, when we first started dating, that his daughter comes first. And so it was always clear to me that choosing him meant choosing his life and his baggage. This has forced me to relocate to another state, and has caused me a lot of heartache over the years, dealing with his ex, being a stepmom, etc. So she also needs to make a choice. Is she willing to put aside her needs to help you be there for your kids? Or is she always going to feel left out and passed over? You have to have a lot of confidence and strength to be in her shoes. Maybe she can't handle it, or maybe she doesn't want to.
Either way, you need to communicate with eachother, and talk this out as much as possible. Tell her your feelings, get her to talk about hers. Maybe it will work out, but if it doesn't, it's better to figure that out now, because it only gets harder!
2006-12-12 12:33:25 · answer #3 · answered by 12879 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you need to be in contact with your ex as far as the kids go. It sounds like your current girlfriend has some trust issues and its probably because of her getting hurt in the past. She needs to understand that you do need to be in contact with your ex for the kids and if she still gest mad/angry, then is that someone you really want to be with?
2006-12-12 12:20:06 · answer #4 · answered by PfcsBaby 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend has some security issues and you can't fix them.
You're going to be the dad and your ex is going to be the mom for a very long time.....unless you want this crazy jealous in your life forever I would dump this "great" woman and find someone who's not threatened by your previous life.
2006-12-12 12:18:28 · answer #5 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your girlfriend is imature and jealous, and she needs to grow up and get her priorities in line. If you stick with her, you have a lifetime of this kind of behavior ahead of you because kids are a forever commitment and your ex will be at every graduation, wedding, christening, et cetera. Find someone more understanding and adaptable and move on.
2006-12-12 12:23:32 · answer #6 · answered by Roberta 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell her she knew you had kids with another when you 2 got together and she is just going to have to grin and bear it.
2006-12-12 13:53:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep the ladies appart as much as you possibly can
2006-12-12 12:18:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
The newer versions are not always better...lol
2006-12-12 12:18:08 · answer #9 · answered by Nut 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋