I need help with a Mother in Law problem...?

Question

Has anyone else experienced the feeling that you have to split your spouse with with his/her mother and all you get are the leftovers? That's how I feel with my fiance. Her mother is not a bad person per se but she is very dependant and takes up a lot of my fiance's time and energy. I feel like she doesn't do enough in our relationship partly because of how much she has to do for her mum. After her mom has run her ragged she just doesn't seem to have the energy to do much for me. I'll spare you the details because it is a book unto itself but I'm worried that when we get married things won't change and it will be like having half of a wife. I've talked with my fiance about this numerous times - that I feel her mother treats her like a dog at times and has her trained to jump when she says jump. I don't think she has set healthy limits w/ her mom but my fiance doesn't seem willing to stand up for herself or make any changes. Anyone else experience this and what did you do?

I love her no matter how frustrated I get. I'm not going to run the other way b/c of her mother.

There is a language barrier w/ the mother in law which doesn't help. She is also a very stubborn person who is set in her ways. She acts as though she owns her children and has no problem making unreasonable towards them - in fact I think she enjoys having the control. She is a woman that is deathly afarid of being alone. There is no husband to speak of. She is pretty much on her own. I sincerely doubt any change would be initiated by her.

Snow on Cedar - re: lonely's question. That would sooo work right? Especially if he's a butt man like me. Frankly if that doesn't do it for a man he's gay - end of story.

Answer 1

had a similar issue with my husband and his mother... i have been married for 5 years. and everything had been great. he has taken a stand for himself. when we first got married..it was horrible. i felt like i was the outsider. just give her time to turn around... once you guys get married things will change .. trust me... good luck

Answer 2

Yes, this will continue after you marry. Perhaps consider some premarital counseling to aid the communication. Your fiance seems unable to confront her mother. Unless the mother is incapacitated in some way, the mother should be having a "life of her own."

Couples need a little time together to bond the new marriage and the mom shouldn't be whining for attention constantly.

Good luck and stick to your guns and let her know this counts and will affect the marriage. What you see is what you get ... if you don't like what you're seeing now, ask yourself if you can deal with it 24/7 after the marriage.

Answer 3

Its the mother in law that needs to know these feelings. Im going to assuming your fiance is an only child. It is not always easy to let our children grow up. It may take you sitting down with her and explaining your love and concern of the situation. It may be safer to have your fiance do it. If she allows her mother to do this now, it will only get worse as her mother will feel more dependant once you are married. She will make your fiance feel as though she is really all alone now. If your problem doesnt get fixed before the wedding, id seriously consider postponing until it does. Maybe with that info, your fiance will realize the importance of finalizing this attachment issue.
Good Luck

Answer 4

I totally sympathize with you - don't even get me started about my mother-in-law - I could write a book and a sequel with all she has put me through - she puts a whole new meaning to the term mother-in-law from hell! LOL

I would talk to your fiancee again and tell her that this has got to stop. When she marries you she needs to be 100% with you and not her mom. she needs to focus on you and her now and not always run when her mom says too. It is nice that she has such a close bond with her mother, howeve, she needs to live a life of her own too.

If she refuses to listen, try talking to the mother-in-law - if she is a reasonable woman - maybe she can ease up a little.

I hope this helps you and good luck! Merry Christmas! :)

Answer 5

Study and Job each in combination well have to be very tiring after which caring for the residence. Following thought would possibly support. one million. It is larger you rent any individual to care for your mom in regulation. two. You cant difference your mom in regulation so regulate to the hindrance. Move out most of the time for dates together with your hubby and revel in existence. Watch film do matters that make you glad. three Keep yourself busy at residence, Just forget about sour phrases and transfer on, each person has correct to speech. Mother in legislation are specific provide her a few care, purchase her a few attire, take her out too and spot the change. Best of success

Answer 6

You sound like a baby needing a bottle every 2 hours. The fact is, after you are married you will be just as busy catering to her mom. There are many families that the woman rule the roost. It is possible you are marrying into this kind of family. Don't worry though, they need you to do the mechanical stuff and bring home the bacon. Take a look at your future father in law. What is his life like? That is your life in 25 years.

Answer 7

I know what you mean! There isn't much you can do unless your fiance will force the change...I hope for the best for you.

BTW I loved your answer to "lonely"s question LOL

Answer 8

Clearly you really do not believe that this will change with a edding do you? It is sad but if this is intolerable to you then run the other way.

Answer 9

Been there with my husbands mom. And still there get use to it cause it ain't going away lol

Answer 10

past behavior, predicts future behavior.