do i still have the right to get upset with my cheating husband?

Question

my husband cheated on me last december with my best and only friend-she was the only one i knew in the area we moved to. before he cheated, he wasn't very sexual with me. i would go to bed crying wondering what is wrong with me and why my husband didn't want me. he said he wasn't very sexual, and he said seeing me have our daughter turned him off. the whole situation confuses me b/c in our relationship he has been the one to gain weight, even though i've had two children i am still 125 pounds. i am not ugly either. my friend he cheated with was pretty, but fat. we aren't friends anymore! he always said she was gross. i'm trying to work things out with him. since i found out he cheated, he has been sexual and loving and apologetic, but i still find myself angry and depressed some days. he says that i have to get over it. what is yalls opinions?

Answer 1

we women never get over a cheating we learn how to deal with it or just get a divorce.. but if you are going to stay in the relationship it is OK but you have to let go and deal with the emotions that we go through because it will never work out if you bring it up or get depressed... girl get up everyday and smile get all nice and look goof for your self not him... show him that his actions don't bring you down and he will never be able to hurt you... we women have to learn how to love ourselves before we love this men... because then we love them more and forget about us... so look good smile and when you feel that the depression is kicking in... grab hold of your self and fight it... in time you will love your self more than him and you will eventually work things out or walk away from him with out a thought.... good luck and smile no one can take that from you this men are not that powerful to take our happiness away...

Answer 2

It sounds like he may have been self-conscience about his own weight and cheated with someone that probably didn't make the same demands or expectations of him. Regardless, he was wrong for what he did and that women was never your friend. Friends and husbands should not behave that way.
Its been a year. Can you see and end to your anger? Do you think it will ripen and ferment into an unhealthy bitterness, or do you think you'll ever be able to forgive him and let it go? You need to forgive him, if only for your own health. You know better than us how long it will take you to get past this.
If you really love him; then you'll find a way to work this out. Get individual and couples counseling.

Answer 3

Of course you have the right to be upset. He broke the vows. However, he is right that you will have to find a way to get past it if your relationship is to work for the long haul. Many men aren't aware of this, but one of the biggest turn-ons for any man is a woman who is confident and very self aware. When you are crying and wondering what is wrong with you it implies that you assume you are the problem. That is not a turn-on for real men.

I have never met you. But I can tell you this. You do not deserve to be cheated on. You are worthy of having a marriage with a man who is trustworthy and keeps his word. You need never think that his wandering ways are your fault. While in any marriage both are responsible to maintain a good relationship it is the responsibility of each individual to be sure they are the best they can be and to be the kind of partner they would desire.

God bless. You are great!!!

Answer 4

Well, sweetie, your husband betrayed you and your marrieage, why wouldn't you be upset??????????.... Marriages are: admiration, respect, trust, passion and a whole lot of lovies, giving, committment to your household, and the environment in which you raise your children, and for sure sexual exclusiveness, and this just for beginners. Betrayal is THE deal-buster in a marriage. With betrayal, the trust is gone, the admiration and respect are for sure eroded, eroding, or just plain gone, and to have sex (passion) with someone who put it in another, and shared his body and soul, it a bit tuff to swallow. So your mariage is badly, badly dammaged......


How do you get over it?? My question is why would you what to? And your answer is undoubtedly that it is because you have two children together. So, just how do you get over it??? Any counselor worth a hill of beans will tell you that it will be two years before the betrayal will heal, and that is with no guarantees and with some counseling, and with both of you wishing to save it..... Two years, hon. Betrayal is difficult to overcome..... you can better unscramble an egg. Now that it IS scrambled, you can make something else of it, but it won't be the same. You may even get lucky, and your relationship may be better.

I admire you for trying, and best of luck---I hope you and he get it all back eventually.... life is too short to spend it in misery.

Answer 5

you both need to go to counseling. If your therapist is making it seem as if its your fault then you need to re-evaluate your situaiton. Most men want their women to do those freaky things that mistresses will do. I would get some girlfriends together and take a stripper pole dancing class. Learn some moves you can do in the bedroom and if you don't turn your husband on, then you may want to question his sexuality. Also, watch some pornos with him as well and see if that sparks anything in the bedroom, be willing to try something new. You will need counseling to get over your insecurity. Remember there is nothing for you to be ashamed of especially if you are 125lbs and had a baby. Start going out and when other men begin to look at you your hubby will get himself together, especially if he is the FATSO!

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel. My husband cheated on me a few this past summer and left me and our daughter for 2wks, then came to his senses and came back to us. I've told him ever since that I don't trust him and he has to earn my trust back. He totally agrees with me b/c we both agree he hasn't given me a reason to trust him. It takes time and patience and he has to try and earn your trust back so you can forgive him. He needs to understand that it's not going to happen overnight and the more things he does to earn your trust back, like calling when he's on his way home from work, telling you where he's going and when he's going to be home and answering his phone anytime you call him when he's not there, and do little things to make u feel special like buy you some flowers once in a while or take you out to dinner. Things like that will build that trust up again and make you feel special again, something he took from you when he cheated. He needs to understand that it will take some time and effort and you need to not feel so guilty b/c it's natural to feel how you feel. Some marriage counseling might not be a bad idea either if it's for you. Hope everything works out, take care and good luck.

Answer 7

If he asked for your forgiveness, promised not to do it again,
explained why it happened, asked to work on your own marriage,
gave you a plan for handling it if there is ever a recurrence and has acted like all this is true, then it is time for you to let it go.
Do not forget and keep your eyes and ears open for the danger signs. But over and above that, dwelling on it will only cause him to feel like he is paying for it forever. At some point you have to accept what happened and decide not to bring it up. Either that or accept that you cannot get over it and get the divorce.

Answer 8

If you chose to stay and work it out with your husband after he cheated, than you need to put the past behind you and move forward or your marriage is going to get you No where. I am sure it is hard, but you made the choices to give him another chance and your marriage deserves 100% and if you are angry and upset about it than your may not be giving 100% to it... Good Luck

Answer 9

they're both cheaters. It doesnt remember if she did it first or he did. they're both incorrect. you've heard the affirming 2 wrongs dont make a accurate. that is sweet they're placing apart in the journey that they could't make it artwork yet there's a toddler in contact. He might want to by no skill deliver pictures of the youngster to a mistress. Thats adverse parenting. She might want to fess as a lot as what she did stop the drama and understand he's that childs father and no remember what occurs between both of them desires to ensue with the childs perfect pastime in both one in each and every of their minds. only because she cheated too doesnt advise she cant be disillusioned he cheated and he does deserve the right to understand her transgressions. perhaps previously they separate they ought to attempt to bypass to a counselor and have a glance at to artwork it out. only a concept

Answer 10

What we think doesn't matter regarding his cheating. What that situation did to you is all that's important. As far as his saying that you need to get over it, let him know that just because you are willing to work on your marriage, don't give him the right to play down his indiscretions. You are in the right to get a divorce from what he did according to the Bible without a second thought.