I just cant leave him,hes a really good person but i think our age difference (13 years) has gotten in the way.I wanna go out and he doesnt like too,even though he will go out just to please me,but i dont think its fair for him.And now i see him as my friend.And Im doing worse by talking to a young guy whos so funny and likes to go out and likes to do almost everything i do.My husband already found about about him and just forgave me and just wants us to work it out.But i cant i think about the other person so much.But I know that if I leave my husband i will lose my family and his family and just everything.So my question is is it worth losing everything over the person you love.I need opions of people that have had a similiar situation.I can say that now i have it all materialistic,house sports car,money here and there,i dont work,and since i got maried so young I have never been independent,i have never payed bills or pumped gas or any thing like that,so is it worht ;losing it all?
2006-12-12 04:01:58 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow thanks so much for everyones opinions I truly respect them all.And seriously so many of you have just been saying like how i feel about my situation,i just needed some advice and I am glad i got it....Oh and no there are no children involved thank goodness.Thanks......Oh and already did counseling and that didnt work,and already did the whole church thing and nothings changed.But again I do appriciate all advice.
2006-12-12 04:26:56 · update #1
Im 21,been married for almost 4 years.I got married only because in my moms eyes I was gonna have it all.Money.It took my mom 4 months to get me to marry him,i didnt want to but it was just a way out since My mom was so strict and never let me have friends,I figured that if i got married i would atleast have him and be away from my mom.Sadly my mom thinks money is all,and so If i leave my husband I will have nothing and she said I will never see her again.I will no longer be her daughter beacause of me leaving a man of money.O my ,i know my life is crazy.
2006-12-12 04:35:21 · update #2
I think you should get a divorce you are not honest with your husband and you are taking advantage of his love for you........be realistic and stop causing pain...☺☻
2006-12-12 04:04:59 · answer #1 · answered by haki 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's cut to the chase here:
"deserves got nothing to do with it"
"Love is a decision"
"You cannot have your cake and eat it too"
Whether the object of your desire is a person, a drug or something else, consider this -
What will you do when you hate your SELF? That person who you can never escape.
What happens when that guy, this drug, that alcohol or whatever you decide to chase DUMPS YOU?
Right now you have youth, beauty, health and many material goods. All of this will eventually depart. Play it forward to when you turn 40 or 50. Where will you be then if you choose the course of life that looks so attractive right now?
Instead of chasing a flame like a moth (who gets incinerated in the flame), get out there and live your life to the fullest:
- learn how to pay bills
- volunteer your time to serve others less fortunate
- pump the gas and learn how things work
- become a person who is worth knowing, a person of character
I can tell you something about every fling that I ever considered:
Time showed me how destructive the pursuit of such a desire would have been. As I watched the person I felt an attraction for, they developed cancer, they got divorced, their lives fell apart.
The temptation for greener pastures with someone else is a life-long experience. The young guy of today will be less funny when you have heard all of his jokes. The need to go out gets expensive and there are only so many places in one area. You will have been there before. Your urge for the fresh and exciting will return.
Big question: Why does your marriage have to be on your terms and somehow it's your husband's problem that it cannot all be your way?
2006-12-12 04:38:11 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should stay in a marriage if you are truly unhappy. BUT, don't leave it based on the fact that you are having fun with another guy. It sounds like you need some time ALONE to do a lot of thinking. I believe you still have feelings for your husband, or you wouldn't be asking yourself and us this question. I am with someone who is 21 years older than me. ( I am 29, he is 50 ). I have been through the mill with men my own age, and he is everything I have ever wanted. Age doesn't matter as long as you are happy. Maybe you can set up 2 nights a month for the two of you to go out and have fun. I hope this helps.
2006-12-12 04:12:50 · answer #3 · answered by mommy! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are thinking about cheating, you need to leave. If you love your husband at all, you should try counseling and try to work it out. You shouldn't stay in something just to have things, that isn't fair to him. You should be honest with yourself and to your husband. The most important part in any relationship is honesty and communication. I would strongly urge you to stay away from the other guy until you work it out either way with your husband first. You either get a divorce first or you try to work it out. Do not cheat or go out with the other guy when you know you have feelings for the other guy when you are married, that is still committing adultery. You need to have a clear head first. Sit down with your husband. Re-evaluate your feelings. Do you like the other guy because he is funny? Would you be more interested in your husband if he did more things with you? Paid more attention to you? That sort of thing? Not necessarily buy you things. Be with you, go for walks while holding your hand. I would think long and hard, search your soul before making a final decision. In the meantime, stay away from any temptation until you decide. Please pray about it. He will help you make that decision that is right for you. I will be praying for you too.
2006-12-12 04:11:25 · answer #4 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not in love with this other guy, he's just different and exciting ... the old "grass is always greener on the other side" thing.
Do you remember the vows you took when you got married? Those were sacred promises. You don't just flush them down the toilet because you're bored. Go get a copy of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and learn how to be a real wife to the man you made vows with. You might be surprised how wonderful things can be when you change your own attitude.
2006-12-12 04:06:09 · answer #5 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WTF! You have everything right now that you'll wish you had when you leave a man that loves you a family that loves you
your home and financial security(?). You say you have it all. Well, all you can have materialistically. But you don't have the brains. Think ahead. The moron you were talking to was all fun and games.He knew you were married so that shows his character. Your husband showed his. Be grateful for what you have. Maybe you should remember why you married him in the first place. Then recall the vows you made to him when you married him. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you should dismiss the issues you have. Just take out the equation of leaving your husband and find a solution to the issues you have.
2006-12-12 04:19:16 · answer #6 · answered by areyoukidding 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truely you are the only person that can answer that. However life is sure gonna be tough without his money. You never mentioned if there were children involved. If the marriage resulted in kids then you need to step up and be the wife and Mother that you pledged to be. If there are not any children perhaps he would be much better off and happier without trying to please you constantly. Go on out there and pump some gas you might like it!
2006-12-12 04:06:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you remember your wedding vows. What part of till death do we part didn't you get. Sounds like your husband loves you, and takes good care of you. If you have issues with the age difference you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, but you did. Committing adultery is never the answer. So I would say to stay away from your new friend. Go and see a counselor and talk to your husband. He loves you, and you owe it to yourself to work out your marriage.
2006-12-12 04:10:18 · answer #8 · answered by Jinny E 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop using Yahoo as a crutch---seems like you are already looking for greener pastures to chew on---so leave, and don't try to rationalize it. You will find that your idea of "love" is childish and immature, and until you mentally grow up, you will always be looking for that other someone to "love".
So what if 5 of us tell you to leave, and other 5 tell you to work it out? What will you do, and then will you blame Yahoo if your decision does not bring you happiness?
You really need to counsel with a mature third person about your problem.
2006-12-12 04:07:31 · answer #9 · answered by paanbahar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is acting more like a daddy to you and providing for you.
It's not fair to him or you, since you are feeling conflicted. It seems as if you are not that committed to HIM - but you are committed to the arrangement and perks of the marriage.
Get counseling or get divorced - the way things are going it's not going to last.
Also, you have to do what's right for you - and not the "family." You are a grown woman and lying to yourself hurts you, him and the family.
Are you prepared to strike out on your own and earn your own living, bc most certainly you should be supporting yourself.
2006-12-12 04:13:14 · answer #10 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to a man 16 years younger than me. We ended up in a very similar situation. I took good care of him and overlooked alot of things he did because I loved him. But the truth was, neither one of us was happy. We were hurting each other by being nice. We have both moved on. He is now with a girl his own age and is very happy. She takes just as good care of him as I did and they enjoy the same things. You won't have to necessarily give up everything. You'll just have all new everythings. Change isn't always a bad thing.
2006-12-12 04:08:34 · answer #11 · answered by hllyrch 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋