My husband refuses to get rid of pictures of his ex. He has a whole photo album full of them, pictures of her in a towel, pictures of them kissing,etc. They really bother me and I want him to get rid of them. He says there a part of his past and even though she left him for a lesbian and ruined his credit, he still had 2 years of good times with her and wants to hold on the the memories. It bothers me because I feel that he doesn't respect me enough to get rid of them. We've gotten into a lot of arguments about them and I've done a lot of things for him that I really didn't want to do, but I did them because he wanted me to and I love and respect him. The pictures really bother me because I'm alot younger than the both of them and I feel like he compares me to her sometimes and I don't measure up. He brings her up alot and always says stuff like my ex had that nailpolish, or my ex had a car like that and it realy bothers me. Should I be worried that he won't get rid of the pictures?
2006-12-12 03:39:41 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I keep pictures, for the memories. I still have pictures of my first girlfriend in high-school, and there were a lot of good memories there. However, I know it was in the past. I didn't constantly talk about it.
The issue with this situation is that it sounds like your husband is keeping these memories in the present, and he needs to put it behind him.
The pictures aren't the issue, it's your husband's refusal to put her in the past. Tell him he can keep the pictures, but just forget about her, stop bringing her up in his current relationship.
If he can do that, you will be fine.
2006-12-12 03:41:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
If the pics are in an album and they're put away then you shouldn't be worrying about it. Obviously this woman and her child were a big part of his life at that time. It's natural for people to keep mementos from various parts of their lives especially happy parts. The thing you need to remember is that he has you now and you have him. Your need for him to get rid of the photos of his ex are coming from your insecurites. Have confidence in yourself, your husband and your marriage and you'll find that the past is all just memories and that there's nothing wrong with visiting a memory once in awhile. Another thing to think about is how would you feel if he tried to make you get rid of your memories?
2016-03-29 04:30:11 · answer #2 · answered by Diane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to understand that the past is exactly what it is "the past". Hes with you now and should not keep those pictures. Ask him if it were you holding onto pictures of your ex and always talking about them, how would he feel? I'm sure he wouldnt stand for it. Whether or not he has "good memories" with his ex, theres also a reason that is his ex and their not together right now. Remind him of that too. If hes having second thought of being with you, he needs to let you know. Just saying those are good past memories is no excuse. The pictures need to go.
2006-12-12 03:58:40 · answer #3 · answered by PfcsBaby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should be sensitive to your feelings. I think pictures of her in a towel or something scandalous is inappropriate to keep, but a picture of them with friends at the Christmas party, or a picture of them on a vacation... should be kept. It is part of his memories. She just happens to be a part of those memories.
How long ago was this relationship. It sounds like the pain is still fresh. Even when someone hurts you, it is hard to completely stop thinking about them. For your sake I would ask him to stop mentioning her so often and keep the pictures away from you.
2006-12-12 03:49:24 · answer #4 · answered by amigail 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like something worth worrying about. He needs to know that he's with you now, and that does demand a certain amount of respect. You should not be compared with his ex in any way, and being reminded of any similarities isn't a compliment. If he is that hung up on talking about his ex, maybe there is more there than fond memories. Remembering parts of your past are fine, and it's good when you learn from them, but he's crossed that line. All in all, he's with you, not her, and he needs to enjoy the marriage he has now.
2006-12-12 03:44:50 · answer #5 · answered by Brit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off this isn't a him issue it sounds like a you issue.
It isn't that he doesn't respect you but that you don't respect his space. It seems like you are trying to throw part of his life away. Of course he resists. He should also do the same and not force you to do things you don't want to. It sounds like you two are trying to exert control. Perhaps his issues stem from losing her and his lack of control on her ruining part of his life. It is about compromise in a good relationship.
He is older and he may have some baggage. So what. You cannot expect to change a person and have them disregard the past which you do not share. If he leaves them out on the table that is a problem. Would you be intimidated by his prom photo? What if he has some holiday shots with him and her with other family just doing holiday things?
You should feel you are strong enough in your relationship to allow him to keep them. If not maybe you should express how you feel bad and why you feel bad so he can express how he feels about YOU.
If you do not like how he feels about you then you have your answer. People have memories and keepsakes and it isn't fair to come in and toss them aside and demand that he throws his life away.
You will create memories together and your photos should be in frames around the house. Her pics are in albums? That is like throwing away an encyclopedia with E. You had a former BF who was named Eric. Well there is alot more than just that in an encyclopedia covering E. Same with his photos. There is probably alot more than just the girl in them for him. His good feelings about the event, how he looked, what he was doing. Not just her face.
Now if he has porno shots that is a different subject. You can fairly ask why he would want to keep those. But just regular photos should not intimidate you.
Try creating an album of you and him. Create photos of your events to replace them and he will tire of those and file them away.
As for his arguements you should both learn to comminicate better. When you argue set up rules for fair play like don't bring up older issues or don't compare you and her. That is fair play.
As for fights you need to learn to pick your fights. Don't fight small unimportant things like photos. Fight when it is really important and learn to disagree in an agreeable way.
PS you always get compared to the previous ones regardless. That is unfortunately how all people work. Like with school every grade builds on the earlier one. You need to build on a foundation not tear it down and start over.
Good luck.
2006-12-12 04:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by BrianBucks 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You don't have the right to throw away his stuff. However, he doesn't have to show you all of them at all. If it's just his memories, he can staff them up and keep them away like what he does in his brain/memories. However, if he brings up his ex all the time and compare them with you, ask him to go back to them and date them. What I am saying is it's okay to keep your physical memories like photos in the attic as a respect for his memories and you, but it's not okay to bring it back up verbally all the time and compare you with them. Why bother dating you if he wants them? Communicate with him and make it clear. You having less experience should not put you in any lower/less situation. You deserve to be respected equally. Good luck!
2006-12-12 04:13:08 · answer #7 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eeek! I had a boyfriend who had pictures of his ex and I made him get rid of them.. Looking back I think it was a pretty immature thing to do, but I was pretty young at the time. However, I was just jealous of the relationship he had with her. He didn't talk about her. The fact that he is always mentioning her would really bother me. I would feel like he is hanging onto what they had together. Since you are married it is also a different situation. I think that you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk. Tell him how you are feeling about it. You obviously love him so tell him that and tell him he makes you feel like you have to compete with a memory. Good Luck!
2006-12-12 03:46:06 · answer #8 · answered by Tracy G 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is a good question and one that will be difficult in convincing you to agree with my response. In my opinion, your husband has rights to his memories and should be allowed to keep these things. However, he should have them stored where you don't have to look at them, and he should not be referencing them frequently. As you should respect his memories, he should respect your feelings. I was in the same situation where I had pictures of my ex-wife. My new wife wanted me to dump the photos and I didn't want to for the same reason. Eventually I got rid of most of them on my own. Give him some space, but with restrictions, and perhaps he will do the same as I did.
2006-12-12 03:44:32 · answer #9 · answered by CPT Jack 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It seems the important question is not what to do with the pictures but what to do with him. Clearly the guy has not moved on and while you can destroy the pictures you can't destroy the memories in his head. In other words, you might be making a big deal about the photos while the bigger problem is that he is still in love with his ex.
Maybe it is time to say goodbye to him so that he can spend the rest of his life with those sweet memories of his lesbian ex.
2006-12-12 03:43:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋