Is it true about that parents splitting up cause more harm to the children?

Question

I heard recently that scientists now believe that children whose parents split up rather than stay together "for the sake of the children" are actually doing more emotional/relationship harm than those whose parents stay together for the sake of the children. What is your view on this? I personally come from a split family, even though i have alot of emotional "issues" as an adult i think in my case the results would've been much worse had they stayed together.
I also believe that with support and close communication between both parents a child can still emotionally grow.

Answer 1

My ex and I divorced a year ago. Since that time, I have seen dramatic changes in my children. Before I moved out, my daughter (12) was introverted, sullen, extremely quiet, moody - we teased her by calling her 'Violet' from the movie 'The Incredibles'. She fit the bill, hair hanging in her face and all. Once I moved out, she lit up like a star. She is now outgoing, chatty, funny, involved with more friends, and very close to her brother and me. I believe that she saw the life I was living with her dad and felt that she had THAT to look forward to. Once I left, she realized she was not doomed to a life of servitude and her entire outlook changed. I think that divorce can be the best thing to happen to a family sometimes, although it's incredibly difficult to go through at the beginning. All good things have a price.

Answer 2

I think you are opening a huge can of worms on this issue.There's no right or wrong answer, and it's certainly not an easy answer. I think that it's neither true or false. You cannot stay together for kids if you are unhappy, and making each other miserable. You will in turn take it out on the children. The children will suffer, because you are suffering. You may be putting more time and energy into what's going on around you, then with the children, as compared to if the divorce was done and over. I grew up with out a dad, I did just fine. I am successful, I don't have emotional problems, I can love, trust, and so on. I think you need to put the kids ahead, and really think about how it will affect the kids, if you stay together for the sake of them.

Answer 3

I believe that parents who stay together for the sake of the children do a lot more damage than if they had decided to split. I grew up in domestic hell, my parents fought throughout my childhood and it affected me badly. I believe that while it would have been hard seeing them divorce as a child, once things had settled down it would have been better to see both parents separated and happy than together and living in hell.
I also believe staying together does not teach the child about adult relationships but helps to form a negative view of adulthood.

Answer 4

First of all, most people here are giving personal opinions, or what they believe should be true.

Studies had originally shown that 'staying together for the kids' was not in the kids interest. But as the horizon of the studies has grown longer, the opposite seems to be true. _as children_ they can do as well in split households, but 25 years later, they aren't doing as well. The researchers had not expected to find this result.

So that's the most recent research, no matter what people here are saying. Its possible that more research will show something different. But that's what the weight of evidence says right now.

Answer 5

I agree with you, I come from a split family also. But my parents were not supportive of each other. They communicated when they were yelling and screaming at each other in the front yard. I have emotional issues as well as (self determined) abandonment issues, but overall, I think that if the parents stay together for the sake of the children it will just teach the children to not make themselves happy and to just do whatever "seems right" to scientists and society. I think its crap, the examples you set for your kids will stick with them forever and the constant fighting in front of them will make them think thats how life is supposed to be lived because thats all they know.

Answer 6

It all depends on the circumstances really. If a relationship if full of arguments, then it is NOT a good environment for kids. I reckon if you need to seperate, its better to do so on good terms. Means that you can be friendly towards each other and quite frankly I think the children then have the best of both worlds. You can come to agreeable decissions then regarding visitations etc. Also the kids will then feel comfortable enough with both of you to discuss their feelings. Obviously if they are very young, then it'sslightly different. My little one is 2 and see's her dad every Sunday, and when he is on leave he has her almost every day. She is quite content with this, and because her father and I do chat, she speaks with him often on the phone. I think a marriage that is held together just for the children is wrong. Kids pick up on the smallest vibe, argument, and it makes them feel insecure! My parents have been married to each other for 48 years and I hate being around them ... as their arguments have not ceased. I too have emotional issues and they stem from a married home!!

Answer 7

It depends on why they would split up. There are a number of families I know where if the mother had just had the strength to walk away from the husband, the children would have been better off. But most of the time, and any time there's not abuse of some kind in the picture, it's better to stay.

And here's one really clear reason why: a kid learns how to play his parents off each other. We all did it. But when they live appart, it becomes easier. If the father won't allow his daughter to dress like a hooker, but his mother will, then she goes to her mom's when she wants to dress like a hooker to get arround the dad's rules. If the mom insists she eat healthy, then she goes to her dad's for ice cream. She never learns to follow rules, just how to get arround them. When she shows up at her dad's dressed like a hooker, then dad is afraid of being the bad guy because mom lets her do it, and if she shows up at mom's with an ice cream cone, what can mom do about it? Dad lets her all the time. If you stay together, rather than not having to deal with either set of rules all the time, you have to deal with all the rules all the time, and you learn to work within the rules.

That's just one way that staying together is good for kids.

Answer 8

When parents argue and are bitter towards each other it is always better for everyone involved if the parents go their own way. Children grow up feeling like it is their fault that the parents are fighting. Even when they have absolutely nothing to do with it. My parents stayed together for us. We both grew up miserable. We don't know how to "love" because we never saw it between our parents. We cannot commit to a relationship.We both had to teach ourselves how to kiss and hug children.We also felt bad that our parents wasted so much of their lives being stuck in misery instead of finding their own happiness.In our case, everybody lost.I don't reccommend staying together unless you can work things out and be a happy family.And you can't fake happiness for the children's sake. They know!

Answer 9

A country is like a human body and a family is like a human sel. If the family broke out a lot in tha community than you can see that area would not have peace fullness. and the country will get sick.
So it is vary truth that the parents splitting up is not only effect to the children. It will kill the country. See USA some part of the state the criminal case is lower and if you check the divore rate it should be lower. Or you can check the country divorce rate than see their criminal rate. Try compare USA with Malaysia or CANADA. Than you would see the effect is big than you can think of.

Answer 10

It is better for the children to have 2 happy homes than one battlefield, although if a divorce means the children being used as emotional weapons between warring parents then this can be even more devastating for the child. Most exes can't resist the opportunity to have a 'dig' at their former partner without considering the impact upon their children.