I am tired of making a certain person the center of my life. Mostly because this person is not reliable to stick around all the time, especially when things get tough.
I want to learn to depend on myself to make me happy, and whole along with secure, financially, emotionally, etc.
I guess in a way, I am asking, how do you turn down the level of love you have for a person, so that when they arent there, it doesnt hurt as bad.
2006-12-12 02:31:15 · 20 answers · asked by chahta_ndn_girl01 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's a slow process... and the only way to "really" learn is to experience what your are experiencing right now... It's the combination of hurt, unreturned feeling and dedication that takes it's toll... When you finally feel good about yourself and are ready to move on, the person in question will wonder "What was wrong?", "I thought everything was fine" and "Why are you doing this to us?"...
Just concentrate on yourself more... reward yourself and feel good about the person you are... Good luck, just remember there is always someone out there that will totally appreciate you... and love you...
2006-12-12 02:39:49 · answer #1 · answered by deakjone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cannot express the importance of focusing on your own independence. I got wrapped up in a relationship fairly recently where I stopped worrying about my own ****, and was overly concerned with his. Now, yes, it is difficult when you have such a strong love for someone, as I did, but when the person you love is not there for you the way that you need them to be, you need to step back and weigh in your options. If they loved you, they'd be there, and that's that. Actions speak louder than words, and it sounds like this person's actions should be telling you something--I'm sorry if that's harsh. The most important thing in your life should be love and respect for yourself. If you don't have that, there is no way you will ever be able to stop being overly involved with your significant others. I learned this the hard way, and though it took some hurt and frustration, I'm finally exactly where I need to be. I love and respect myself again, and am doing awesome in all aspects of my life. I guess the bottom line is, from my experience, you have to step back, reevaluate the situation, and make yourself turn the focus from them to you. It's hard but after a while it becomes natural, and it feels awesome.
2006-12-12 02:40:32 · answer #2 · answered by cna_77381 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a very good question that most people should ask and learn before they even consider a relationship. Learning to stand on your own 2 feet and knowing that you can makes you more sure about yourself as a person and a happier person who no longer looks for love in all the wrong places but is a person who loves their self and is love sharing what you are and what have. Now when you meet the right person
you'll both be looking to share what you have with each other....
have
2006-12-12 02:45:09 · answer #3 · answered by Hiqutipie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you have a job or not. Married or not. Regardless, make sure you have a job and get more education....grab all you can get. I still do this even at my age. I was married 23 years.......yes, he was the center of my life and I lost myself. Now, 2 and half years later, I am myself. It certainly wasn't an easy thing to do. I was scared. I moved 3 hours away from any relation/family. I was determined to make it and I have. You just need to make the decision and maybe get away from influences that are negative.....that's why I moved so far. Good luck
2006-12-12 02:49:40 · answer #4 · answered by c_my_blueeyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the best questions, as opposed to ranting on about what this person has done, you've already realized to rid of the person instead of trying to change their ways. You've gotten off to a great start already. I suffer from this as well. If I were capable of putting myself up, as high and mighty, as the one I love, I would be a total success. Now I am a has been, hoping I will someday rise again. To have myself back, to love and nourish myself again, would be an accomplishment, for I would be regaining my own respect again. I would walk tall and smile again. Your question has helped me to think in a new direction. I am sorry I am unable to help the both of us with the exact way to handle the situation. I will read on, as it will be of certain dire necessity that I do this for myself, that I may live happy again. Thank you and God bless us all...
2006-12-12 02:46:43 · answer #5 · answered by lee f 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put some distance between you and this guy. Start indulging yourself. I would think of ways of spoiling yourself for a little bit just to get clarity of what you really want. Figure out what you need to do to be independent financially and emotionally. After you get some stability in your life, then you can decide if this guy is worth keeping in your life.
2006-12-12 02:36:01 · answer #6 · answered by bluechick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm no longer constructive i'm on the right music right here, yet many human beings have chemical imbalances (I, for one, do) which may reason some thing from melancholy, to suicidal innovations, to lack of motivation (lots of the things you defined - and numerous which I went by using as well). i'd propose seeing a wellbeing care specialist - and if you aren't to any extent further pleased with what you listen from that wellbeing care specialist, keep going till you're pleased with the end result. they'd placed you on an antidepressant. note, even with the truth that, at your age, some antidepressants may reason worsening suicidal innovations (in a minority of situations). this is a few thing to pay interest on. yet favourite, the prospect of having medical help would outweigh any negatives that ought to come from it. i understand maximum adult males don't have a tendency to imagine "wellbeing care specialist" first at the same time as they have a topic yet i'm actually announcing it because it helped me immensely when I stumbled on the right antidepressant (Celexa). you ought to locate that solves your issues - yet when no longer, i imagine you want to look deeper into why you sense this why. issues won't be able to be "fixed" till they are found out. lengthy demanding lesson I realized there. Get an entire blood workup because there are a kind of deficiencies which may reason each one of those issues too (which incorporates hypothyroidism). i'm hoping this suggestion helps; i understand many human beings both have an apprehension of the wellbeing care specialist, don't like going, or sense a lot less "able" in the journey that they do go; although the idea is to get help for your self and to renounce feeling like you do. yet another threat is - properly, you're literally 15 - and at age 15, i can keep in innovations feeling very like you. it really is a time at the same time as hormones run rampant and leave you feeling fatigued and irritable and all forms of ugly stuff. i'm sorry to take heed to about your father and mom - a schizophrenic mom and a dad who's lengthy previous each of the time does no longer sound like an excellent equipment. yet keep in innovations - if its hormones this is going to easily paintings itself out in the longer time period - its favourite and this is going to go away - so only buckle down once you could (take breaks! and then go back to the paintings) and also you'll see ultimately that you do have each thing to stay for. i'm hoping for the finest for you.
2016-10-18 04:05:54 · answer #7 · answered by dmitriev 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me share some quotes I thought were helpful...."Happiness depends on ourselves"--Aristotle. "The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding your personality into the person you want to be....Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others."--Wilfred Peterson. I like self-development and/or self help books and have found by reading them it gives me a different perspective and/or view on life. It's impt. to spend time focusing on yourself and placing value on yourself no matter who is part of your life. This guy may be what causes you to examine such issues, but you'll be a stronger partner with the right guy in the future if you strengthen yourself. Independence truly is the key--learn to love yourself (not sure whose quote that is). You're traveling in the right direction--you go girl!
2006-12-12 02:38:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set daily and weekly goals for yourself. Turn every problem into a goal. You can solve things that way.
If you see yourself accomplishing things that you set out to, you will feel more self-reliant and good about yourself. You will automatically start looking at this person less as the center of your world.
2006-12-12 02:33:20 · answer #9 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I did this once for a guy and realized at the end of the day where did I want to be? Quite frankly a quote that said "Never Mind Success-Go for Greatness" stuck in me. I purposely would do things to show myself he wouldn't give me the same back. i would ask him to do things I knew he wouldn't do to prove what I was thinking. Eventually you tell yourself I have to love me more then this especially when your a good women......
2006-12-12 02:51:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋