Why do you think my ex contacted me? Please see full question below:: Serious replies only please?

Question

Ok...hard to write everything in a title. Here is a bit of the background. I am in my thirties and married. I have an old friend (well, more like he used to be a friend with benefits kinda thing) from college that I've known for 15 years..but have lost contact with over the past 6 of those. I have a myspace profile and my old friend found me and wrote me a letter. He is also married now with children. The emails have been harmless. I even told my husband that he contacted me. He didn't seem to care that we spoke online too much. My question to all of you out there in cyber world...is why do you think an ex..out of the blue..who is married would try to contact you? I can't help but be curious, and I have to be honest that our letters back and forth have stirred up some old feelings. I know that I'll never act on it, and writing online is seemingly harmless...but I wish I knew what he's thinking about all this on the other end of the PC w/o directly asking & sending a wrong message.

Answer 1

well, this kind of thing CAN be very dangerous to marriages, but it doesn't sound as if yours is at risk...you told your husband, and the e-mails have been harmless, according to you. As to why he contacted you, it sounds relatively innocent...he was probably curious as to what you were up to...you used to be friends, and we all get curious about what our old friends are doing.
As to the old feelings this has stirred, I think that is pretty natural whenever our past comes back and interacts with us, and really shouldn't worry you unless they are very potent feelings, OR more powerful than what you feel for your husband.
Just be honest and aboveboard with these conversations, though, as I am sure you can imagine, they do have the potential to disrupt and make you feel discontent...If your heart is in your marraige, though, everythings good.
I also think you could probably ask your friend indirectly, WHY he contacted you...ask it as a joke, maybe. As long as you are not ACTING as if you want to run away with him, I don't see why he would think that ( assuming thats what you mean by the wrong message!)
~Good Luck!

Answer 2

I think everyone here has it pretty much right. An old SO is looking for a little nostalgia. It may be harmless, but it could be more. Nostalgia is a strong thing since we idealize how things were...

I think the better question is why do you have a myspace account? Just in case you haven't figured it out, it's pretty much a singles pickup type scene. I'd advise against having such an account if temptation is a problem.

In the end, your old friend intentions dont' really matter. What matters is how you react to those intentions. If he is really just wanting friendship then no problem. If he wants more or is looking for trouble, it's your responsibility to put an end to it.

Don't try to blame the technology, it's the same thing whether it's an e-mail, a physical letter, a phone call, or a "casual" lunch date.

Answer 3

I think I can answer this for you but from a womans point of view...I am 27 and also have a MYSPACE. I have found alot of old friends from High School along with an old boyfriend......I wrote him just to see how he was, nothing more. I am married with 2 children and he is newly married with 1 child. I pretty much wanted to know how he was and what had happened to him in the many years I lost contact with him........not to hook up with him or have an affair......if anything, if he lived closer I would probably be friends with his wife and have the kids have play dates cause my oldest and his child are the same age......not sure if that helps...but men have different agendas then women lol

Answer 4

First you need to figure out why YOU are having these feelings!
Maybe He just needs to know that the ones that have impacted his life along the way is Happy and Healthy.
This could all be very well innocent..
This year I have lost (passed) an uncle , a mother , a father-in-law and two friends. During this time my husband and I have been looking up a few people that we have adored or that impacted our lives in one way or another , just to make sure that they are alive , well , and healthy , and loved.
When you agree to love someone , even if they move on , does not mean they will just forget you. You will always be a part of them because of the history you had with that person.
Please if you have questions about him emailing you , just ask him , but alawys state "that you are happily married". Remember there are two families on the line here , don't mess it up. You have no right to wreck someone's marriage , even if it's you who is having these feelings.
Also why are you not being upfront with your husband? If you have not shown these emails to your husband your the one doing all the harm in your on marriage! Stop there your husband deserves better , he encourage you to be human not anything else.

Answer 5

This is exactly how affairs begin!!! How would you feel if your husband was doing the same thing? That is something to think about. That's how it starts out harmless and gradually it becomes more and more. Yes its stirring up old memories but like you said its been 6 years since you lost contact people change and your feelings are from way back when, its not worth sabatoging your marriage trust me.

Answer 6

Sometimes exes are just curious as to how things are going with someone that we once cared about. It might be harmless on his part. He might not been trying to find intentional but just ran up on your profile and just though he would contact you. It's probably harmless since he is married but I do understand that it's stirring up feelings when the feelings get to be too much pull back.

Answer 7

As a man who recently contacted an "old friend who was almost a friend with benifits," as I explained her to my wife, I did it because I was searching for something in a topic she used to be interested in, and stumbled on her website. I hadn't been searching for *her* but looking up information on the topic. I'd kind of forgotten about her. Her email was there, and I was sort of glad to see she was still alive, so I emailed her. She emailed back, she was equally glad to see I was still alive, but such was really the end of it.

I would be careful with the "stirring up old feelings" thing. If it really is, I would suggest you break the contact. It's not fair to you, him, or your husband. But if it's just harmless in the sense of it's nice to remember that you were once young and foolish, and now you're not, that's no problem, but if you start to feel young and foolish, then you will start to act young and foolish, and you don't want that.

Answer 8

You sound interested in the wrong thing, if he didn't see you as wifey material in the past then he won't now...he is just seeing what you are up to. You are worrying about the wrong thing you need to ask yourself why your husband now doesn't seem to mind you talking back and forth with this ex like this. It's okay not to be jealous but in my opinion that is a red flag. He should have a problem with that.

Answer 9

I think he contacted you just to catch up. Nothing more. And writing emails are NOT harmless...obviously since they have stirred up old feelings. If you are feeling this way you should stop emailing him. There are 2 families on the line here!

Answer 10

i wager it would rely on why or particularly how both of you separated. If she broke off the relationship, she ought to have ignored you. i comprehend that you received't like listening to this, yet you sound somewhat needy and which will be why she broke it off. do not hardship, i'm no longer judging you. I somewhat have lengthy gone by an same element before. there replaced right into a lady in my previous that would spoil it off and then come lower back, she somewhat did not comprehend what she needed. Everytime she would contact me, i wanted her so badly i'd settle for her lower back with out any questions. each and each and every time she would spoil it off, i'd go by inner turmoil and be depressed for a pair of weeks. She loved that administration over me, and that i freely gave it to her. in some unspecified time sooner or later, i realized what she replaced into doing and began ignoring her at the same time as she would attempt to the contact me. even with the undeniable fact that, she ought to have purely been busy... it truly is in problem-free words been 2 days!!!