I was going to go visit my daughter this Christmas who is 14 and lives in another state with her Dad. I decided not to at least for now because I can't get time off from work. I would have to quit my job if I wanted to go and spend time with her after Christmas during her break. My boss is going on vacation and asked me not to take vacation after Christmas. I found this out after I started this job.
My daughter really wanted me to come. She misses me and wanted to spend time with me. She is technically supposed to come to visit me at Christmas per the divorce decree. She does not want to because she is afraid that he Dad will tell her not to come back. He did this when she visited over the summer.
I feel bad because I am disappointing her. Yet, I know if I spend time in the other state, I will end up staying with my ex and her and give them hope that I am coming back to live with them.
2006-12-12 02:24:40 · 9 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I too have a 14-year-old daughter and I understand your dilemma. I think that you should explain the situation to your daughter and tell her that you will visit after the holidays. It seems like that's really your only option. I would hope that she understands and can accept that. I'm sure that she misses you (and you her), but it will be in just a few short weeks.
I'm starting to think that almost everyone experiences sadness during the holidays. They're just not always what we would hope and we all wish for the perfect Christmas. It's not perfect. Families fight and argue and sometimes there are hard feelings. Lots of families will be apart during this time of year and all of the "joy" feels lost and it makes us feel melancholy.
I will be separated from my oldest and youngest daughters during the holidays and will only have my middle daughter with me and my fiance. There's a lot of arguing about who will spend the vacation time where and I too feel sad for our broken family. I'm trying very hard to be positive and enjoy my first Christmas with my new fiance, but I know that I will miss those Christmases when my children were all young and life seemed easier.
God bless you and your family. It will be okay and your daughter will learn that Christmas doesn't have to be perfect to be fulfilling. You will see each other soon and the stress of making everything perfect for the holidays will be off and you will be able to enjoy each other. Call her Christmas day and say a prayer with her. Let her know that you miss her and can't wait to see her. She'll be all right - and so will you!
2006-12-12 03:13:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of thoughts.
1) No one is forcing you to keep that job, or stay in the state you are in. I know it would be hard, but you can always move closer to your ex and daughter (not in the same house, I'm talking like 2 hours away).
2) If you do decide to stay were you are then the best thing to do for lonely Christmas blues is to get out and spend time with, or help people, that are even worse off than you. Go to a convalescent hospital and just visit with the people there, they are so lonely and will be delighted to talk to anyone - and it will make you feel really good too - I promise.
2006-12-12 02:36:03 · answer #2 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
believe it or not i know exactly how you feel i went thru a divorce several yrs. ago and ex remarried and the kids wanted to be part of that family so i let them go. Christmas is especially hard time when families are no longer together. It sounds like your ex is trying to use your daughter as a weapon to get you back,or to force you to come back .. don't let this happen. if you are supposed to have your daughter send for her and have her a this time, if the divorce gave him the primary custody of her he needs to quit threatening her about having to stay there with you, and let her enjoy her Christmas w/you . he's not doing anything except causing bad feelings toward himself, from you and her, and will end up regretting it. tell him to grow up and stop being selfish. if you find it hard to talk to him show him these letters. bet it will make a difference. sometimes all it takes is an indifferent opinion. Good Luck , Merry Christmas, and have your daughter there with you like it is supposed to be. make sure what daughter is telling you about dad is the truth.,, in all reality it might be her wanting the 2 of you 2 back together.. kids can be very clever.
2006-12-12 02:58:08 · answer #3 · answered by hummybird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a little confused? If your X would say that his daughter could Not to come back if she visits you, Why would he have hope that you would stay with them if you went there?? The first comment he made says to me that he holds resentment towards you, not loving thoughts of wanting to be together. I do however. think that what ever you can do to make the visitation happen, you should do. Its important for your daughter to know that your love has no boundries and no conditions. It really should be all about her at this point. You and your X must remind each other of this fact and do what is best for your daughter. She needs to see and be with her mom. The biggest influence in a childs life is the same sex parent. Guess what?? Thats You. Make it happen........
2006-12-12 02:35:07 · answer #4 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps that is the root of your saddness? You miss your child? If you havent been depressed in the past then this is probably temporary. It's normal to feel alittle sad, especially around the holidays, I know, I've been feeling down myself. You wish you were around the people you love but they are no where to be found, right? Maybe go to a therapist who can help you find where these feelings are really coming from, and then help you make choices to better yourself. Definetly go if this has been a reoccuring problem for you. There's no shame in helping yourself feel good. If you want another alternative, I beat the blues with getting involved at my gym. Exercise increases your endorphines (happy chemicals) plus it keeps you busy, and on top of that you'll feel good about doing something positive for yourself. Also you can make new friends through exercise classes. I hope my suggestions helped you, good luck and I hope you feel better soon! :)
2016-05-22 21:36:04 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very difficult situation, I wish I had a clear cut answer for you. I guess being around and talking to others is your best hope of getting out of this slump for a while. It will come back because the heart wants what it wants. I for one would start checking for employment closer to my child. I do not know that may be harder for you then it sounds. I haven't walked in your shoes and I do not know why you are separated from your ex. Go out and volunteer or visit others and keep in touch with your child as much as possible. Wishing you all well this Holiday Season and in the new year. May God be with all of you too.
2006-12-12 02:36:50 · answer #6 · answered by JAN 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that really must be hard, but. you should of told your boss you wish he would of been honest and told me that before you got the job, because you could of told him that you are sorry but you do have plans, but since its too late for that try to explain to your daughter that you cannot see her at this time due to work, and that you are really sorry and don't mean to let her down, and for your ex he is using your daughter for a his purposes. does she really need to be in that enviroment. shes a human being, she shouldn't be used. or be treated like that by her father. let her stay with you then, her dad will eventually miss her and want her back . good luck.
2006-12-12 02:32:46 · answer #7 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THERE IS NO JOB NO AMOUNT OF CASH WEATHER MY CHILD BEING DISAPOINTED OR TO KEEP ME FROM MY CHILDERN THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS SADNESS AT CHRISTMAS IS TO GIVE YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER A GREAT GIFT "TIME WITH EACH OTHER " I CANT IMAGIN CHRISTMAS WITH MY KIDS THEY MAKE CHRISTMAS GOOD! I REALIZE YOU DONT WANT TO GIVE OUT FALSE HOPE SO BE HONEST WHEN YOU GET THERE
2006-12-12 02:46:14 · answer #8 · answered by Msdeb gee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i see two choices u can quit your job.or take his *** back to court and tell them what he is doing to her u as a mother should do something about him your daughter is a child she should never have to choice between her mother and father
2006-12-12 02:31:48 · answer #9 · answered by KISS 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋