After 25 years of marraige I left my husband due to his sick porn addiction and cruelty. I want to start over but, I cant get away from the rage and pain.
2006-12-12 01:58:30 · 14 answers · asked by sandra b 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am divorced for similar reasons after 18 years of marriage. I can tell you from experience that rage is a good thing. It's far better than self-pity and can actually motivate you to move on. As soon as you become involved in your own life by developing new hobbies and friends and pasttimes, you will start to heal. Someone told me that it takes a couple months for every year you were together to "get over" divorce. It took me about a year, but there are still security and trust issues that I will probably always struggle with. I started dating again after about a year because I was lonely and needed to have a man around to do things for and to love. I found a wonderful man who I can trust and who understands. We are looking forward to getting married, but we want to wait a bit to make sure that we will always be together. He has been divorced twice and neither of us wants to EVER do that again.
I did counselling too because I needed to vent all of the anger and pain caused by my ex, who chose porn, cheating, vice and money over me and his three daughters. I didn't want to lean too hard on my friends and I found that I could shout at the therapist and get all of the pain out that way. You might try that too. Other than that, the only advice I can give you is that it takes time and tears. I did it and thousands of other women have done it - and you will too! Believe that you deserve better.
I found out two amazing things once I left. The first was that you will not believe how many women have been divorced and share your pain. They will help you if you let them. They are great support - just ask for it and be humble.
The other thing I found out is that there are wonderful and lovely men out there who want and need the love that you can offer. There ARE good guys out there who will cherish you and want to build a solid relationship. When you're ready, you'll see.
God bless you and know that it does get better, just don't isolate yourself. Let it go and pick up the pieces. You are not finished living yet and you're going to love your new peace and freedom.
2006-12-12 03:27:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Twenty five years is a long time to put up with a bad marriage.
So how do you expect to get over it in a hurry? You can't.
The pain and rage will end when you finally understand that you did the best thing you could for yourself. You got out. It will take time to get to the point of forgiveness. That is a must in order to put it behind you. When I say forgiveness I am not talking about forgetting what he did to you and what kind of person he was. It is the kind of forgiveness that says within yourself that what was in the past stays there. You no longer are troubled by what the past was but begin to look to the future.
Sometimes other people will help you do this. But be aware that when looking for other men that you may be attracted to this kind of man. You must be very careful what you look for. If you find a caring person he will help you get over the past. But it is never ever easy.
2006-12-12 10:16:07 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After dealing with this mans addiction and mistreatment for however long you did, I would tell yourself I have spent enough time allowing this situation to make me miserable and now it in time to let it go. You may never fully come to peace about the situation but you still have alot of living left to do and I wouldn't waist one more day of your life stewing over this. You could defiantly see a really good therapist to help you move forward if you just can't do it yourself. You don't want to spend your life be angry and full of pain. This year is almost over and time is going by so fast. So get busy enjoying your life and don't let a man's sick addiction ruin your life anymore.
2006-12-12 10:18:49 · answer #3 · answered by Maizy * 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sandra, that what does not kill you only makes you stronger. I've gone through the same thing. But i was lucky enough to have stopped loving him long before i left. You'll be just fine. Look at it as a new birth. Freshen up and live. But whatever you do, don't take him back. Pray, meditate, and move forward. Everyday, you'll be distancing yourself from the "PAIN & RAGE!" God bless you sweetie.
2006-12-12 10:09:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom left my dad after 28 years. He is, by far, the most horrible person I've ever known in my like. My mom has since met and married a really great guy. It's gotten better over the last 5 years but she is STILL haunted by my father. It just takes time.
2006-12-12 10:12:30 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The rage and pain will end in about 20 months following separation.
2006-12-12 10:05:23 · answer #6 · answered by neutral 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will end when you realise that hes a past now & there are lots of men out there. give yourself a little time to grow. I have been single over a year and I am just now ready to move on past my sons dad who left me 2 months preggo for his ex 2000 miles away. (who he got pregnant as soon as he got there) For every jerk there are 10 nice guys. You'll get yours!
2006-12-12 10:03:32 · answer #7 · answered by Bonnie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry but i have to say this it took 25 years for you to leave him over it you will never be able to start over count your losses and move on with your life every man that has a heartbeat likes pornwhether it be softcore or hardcore thats just life hey i buy my bf porn for his borthday and christmas its ok to look but never touch :)
2006-12-12 10:05:24 · answer #8 · answered by lita 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take time for yourself and enjoy your life 25 years is a long time
2006-12-12 10:03:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somethings you need to let go for your own good.How can you care for someone else when you still got him in your head? Y ou are going to make them unhappy just being around them.THINK about it.
2006-12-12 10:05:19 · answer #10 · answered by Step 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋