Recently - someone who I have known well for many years announced that he was Gay. I have not spoken to him since - I am feeling a bit awkward about meeting him again.. Has this happened to you ? How did you cope. ? I dont want to offend him ..by not meeting him.
2006-12-12 01:32:52 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
** Thank You - to everyone who has Answered .. it certainly has got me thinking about how I "should" feel about Gays/Lesbians...No differently ..than what I did before ... Best Wishes Lord G..
2006-12-12 10:41:49 · update #1
Mr G. Would you have done the same if he had told you he had converted to christianity or whatever. He's still your mate and just because he does things differently it shouldn't mean you have to abandon him. It probably was the hardest thing he's ever had to do and he's found the courage to tell you and you've deserted him. I understand, it happens. One of my friends emerged from the closet much to everyones surprise and after some thought some of us ran a mile and some of us hung on to our friend. What does it matter where he seeks his pleasure. If you can't tolerate homosexuality ask him not to talk about it. Have a think about why he was your mate in the first place. Work it out and buy him a beer and say you're sorry.
2006-12-12 03:07:23 · answer #1 · answered by Missing Link 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have probably already offended him by not speaking to him since he told you. What is the problem? He is the same person you always knew - or has he sprouted horns now that you know he is gay! Why feel awkward? Has he ever shown he is awkward knowing you are straight? Just because someone is gay does not mean they are going to want to jump into bed with you. He was probably hoping for some support from a friend he thought he knew well - he's no doubt got the message that is not going to happen now.
madi040404 - as you seem to hate gays and lesbians why are you looking at this category? Perhaps you are the closet gay.
2006-12-12 03:30:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to relax and realise that he's still the same person he always was. Unlike what some people here have said he has *not* told you this as a way of coming on to you. This has obviously been bothering him. He's been hiding an important fact about himself from you and can't bear to do it anymore. He trusts you a lot and wants you to understand him more.
Just meet him and try to feign interest in his life. Ask him about it and if he's seeing anyone... he'll really appreciate that though he might be a little awkward. Crack a joke about it and try to be as comfortable as possible.
He thinks highly of you. Remember that this does not change your relationship as friends and does not make him any different a person. It's sexual orientation and nothing more!
2006-12-12 01:51:39 · answer #3 · answered by Johnny! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course I would feel differently. I would question every conversation of a personal nature I had had with that person over the years and I would be hurt that he/she had not trusted me enough to mention it before.
But not meeting him/her again? I enjoyed the company before, so what is different other than I have to be less inclusive in remarks regarding any problems I might have with the opposite sex.
I am sure that you do need a little time to re-evaluate the friendship, but your friend's sexual preferences do not mean you can no longer be friends. I doubt that you will be competing for the same person from now on!
2006-12-12 03:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by Christine H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ignoring many years of history between you two--which was NOT sexual in nature--does that make sense? Was he a close friend? If the previous relationship had any value, feel free to continue a relationship as friends with him. Yeah, a bit awkward, but it is something you can deal with. You can say, "wow, that's a bit of a shock," and smile, then move on. Has anything really changed? I'd gather if you really think about it, nothing has. Good luck! Good people are hard to find. I would not let that bug me.
2006-12-12 01:40:42 · answer #5 · answered by DellXPSBuyer 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would not think differently of a person who announced to me that they were gay. I don't judge people or feel different around people when they let me know their sexual preference. You should be a bit more supportive since this person must have felt ok by telling you this. You shouldnt let that stop you from meeting with this person. But if it does get to you then you should just tell him. Maybe you need to hang out with that person more than you think (not in a sexual way) .... a friend is a friend regardless of their sexual preference...
2006-12-12 01:38:37 · answer #6 · answered by BuNNY 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've had a couple family members come out being gay, and a good friend as well! I didn't think any differently at all about these people. I liked them for who they are and their personality... not because of what sex they choose to sleep with. I think that's their own business.
It is understandable that you are feeling a bit awkward meeting up with your friend again. I would definitely say you not meeting him would definitely offend him and hurt his feelings.
Good Luck
2006-12-12 03:01:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see any reason to think differently of him. if he was a friend for so many years, then it shouldn't matter what his preference is, he is still the same person.
now I'm sure you hear this hippie talk all the time, so let's put it this way. if you and your friend were die hard Yankees fans, and after so many years, your friend admits he was a Red Sox fan all along, there would of course be an initial moment of resistance. it takes time to recover from such a shock. but after a while, wouldn't you make peace with your friend, since he has been with you through thick and thin? you may not agree with his views, but he is still your friend. don't feel awkward.
2006-12-12 01:43:35 · answer #8 · answered by Alex P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My best friend befriended a gay guy but he never knew this (my friend having been straight, i say "having been" because my best friend passed away last July).
Gerhardt, my b/mate, was straight and was terribly homophobic, even though I'm not, because I take a certain stance regarding homosexuality, people will make you feel bad because of your beliefs around it. This is wrong because everyone has their viewpoint on being gay, and no person should allow themselves to be dictated to what they should or shouldnt think about gay people.
As for myself, I don't judge gays, thats not my place, but I believe its wrong. However, people are individuals, we all have something about us that we can contribute to society. In short, we are all valuable, straight or gay.
If you feel it is too much for you to deal with, having to explain to your kids, when perhaps you've told your kids you dont approve of such lifestyles etc... then exercise your right to keep your distance, but if you are simply angry, perhaps just have a heart to heart with your friend.
The choice is yours, and choices are powerful and empowering. Its hard to say what you ought to do, I told my high school friend who "came out of the closet" i don't approve, but he's still my friend, and that i would appreciate it if he didnt fill me in on graphics. We drifted apart eventually. Your approach is your own, all the best.
2006-12-12 01:43:11 · answer #9 · answered by Wisdom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is very aware that you have not bothered to see him since he announced to you that he is gay.
He has offered you a great inner truth about himself. He trusted you enough to open to you with information that he probably does not share easily, and your response was to avoid him.
How do you suppose you would feel if something like diabetes was looked on with disgust by the world, and you finally admitted your diabetes to a friend who then hid from you... Diabetes is not a choice. Gay is not a choice (in spite of what religious right wingers wish to believe) You have just distanced yourself from someone you "have known well for many years" because he has confided in you something that is beyond his control to change.
Nice goin.
2006-12-12 01:38:54 · answer #10 · answered by Clarkie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋