This for a change is true...
My mate has been dating my next door neighbour for the last 18 months.
Her husband died 3 years ago but she has pictures of him still all over the house (which is understandable) but the worst is she has a tombstone in her back garden with his ashes.
He isn't comfortable with the shrine because he can understand if it was at a cemetary and she visited it but to see it everyday is weird.
What do you think he should do or say???
2006-12-12 01:11:00 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Look, it's not that I don't trust you, but I've been caught by your "innocence" once too often !
2006-12-12 01:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can tell from the context that you are not from the USA so i don't know if there is any diffrences in the way we practice ceremonial burial, with that said I can offer this.
Your friend, it may be better for him to walk away, or he risks living in another mans shadow who is no more. It sounds like he may be the "transitional relationship" in between long term relationships, in which case it will be twice as hard for him
She has a hard time letting go. This could be understandable, but people must move forward, It sounds like she is unwilling or unable to do this. He died 3 years ago and she still isn't over it. I think she needs help, maybe some grief councilling.
2006-12-12 01:26:45 · answer #2 · answered by steak n' eggs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a tad odd but at the time of choosing his burial site it sounds like she was deeply in love with this man and had the option to have him close,,we all do strange things in grief and this is probably something she needed only a second to decide,,she wont have thought further than that day never mind how she would feel in three years,as long as the relationship she has with your friend is real and she isnt down the garden everyday tending the site i shouldnt worry,,without digging him up,(which lets face it,,who would do?) there is little that can be done,,,she has moved on or she hasnt and that is for your friend to decide,,,,,,at least one good thing has come out of it,,,it shows she is capable of real feelings and is open to love,,he needs to see deeper than the grave in the yard and see her for the person who cared so much she did something like this to preserve what she once had,but at the same time she also has to make any other person feel special in their own right and not like they are fighting a ghost all the time.
2006-12-12 01:23:58 · answer #3 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is her way of dealing with her husbands death, she may find comfort in knowing he is close to her. I could never imagine what it would be like to lose my husband, the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. She has moved on in dating your friend but if it is always going to be an issue he needs to say something, does she see your friend as a friend or as a partner, maybe thats what he really needs to find out. She will take some pictures away eventually when she finds someone she truly feels deeply for, but it will take alot of time as she obviously cared very deeply for her husband. I hope they find a solution but he needs to talk to her. I wish them well
2006-12-12 01:19:50 · answer #4 · answered by shellhiggs07 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OOOPS . He should mention to her that it makes him feel strange, uncomfortable seeing the shrine there. As for the photo's he has to make sure that she really fancy's him and then ask her if possible could she remove them. He must tell her that he is not asking her to forget about her ex totally but that it would make him happy . Hard one this to answer. But i like being honest and i would expect my friends and partners to be honest to me as well. Therefore, he has to talk to her and clear the air, don't let it really get to him because then things might turn sour between them.
2006-12-12 01:17:35 · answer #5 · answered by Duisend-poot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't said anything respect her wish's and do the best you could to help. She know he is dead and she once was really in love with him. Now she in love with you. Forget about the shrine and
just go on living. Because Life is short. and what is dead is dead.
Now lets the relationship grow.
2006-12-12 01:50:23 · answer #6 · answered by Linda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nothing! I mean seriously - the guy is dead! its not like hes a threat or anything!!!
Just tell him to stop stressing over ashes in the garden and start enjoying the relationship! Ok it might be a bit weird - but thats just her individual choice! tell him get over it and move on with things! xx
2006-12-12 01:18:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think all he can do is explain how uncomfortable it makes him feel and volunteer to help pay to move the body to a cemetery close to the house. If she refuses to at least move the head stone and plant a tree there instead so it doesn't look to creepy, I just image them having kids and the kids in the backyard playing ring around the rosey with it.
2006-12-12 01:17:30 · answer #8 · answered by Tab 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's best not to say or do anything, it might offend her. she was obviously very in love with this man and was married so it's almost like asking her to give up thinking about him...which is wrong. admittedly it is a little wierd, my boyfriends got a tomb stone in the garden of his dog, it's odd but nothing major!
if he cares about her then he should just let it lie - no pun intended! :D
2006-12-12 01:16:26 · answer #9 · answered by Miss Tickle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she's not over the husband yet...
Does she plan on staying at the same house for the rest of her life??
Not sure this problem has a right answer.
Sounds like a serious chat needs to be had...
2006-12-12 01:16:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nothing. It's his problem, he has to either get over it (metaphorically, not leapfrogging!) or find another beau. As long as she feels she can move on 'up here' ::points to head:: the shrine will become less and less significant as time moves on.
Good luck to both of them!
2006-12-12 01:18:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋