I'm 25, living with my partner of 5 years, we have 1 son (age 2) and another baby on the way. My partner and I are not married, simply cos we can't afford the big white wedding and also cos we're happy the way we are. What do you guys think about this??
2006-12-12 00:09:06 · 29 answers · asked by Andie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My children have/will take his surname simply cos it sounds nicer. You guys are alot nicer than my family and friends! I tend to get looked down upon.
2006-12-12 00:21:11 · update #1
I think it shows again that marriage is not THE answer for couples.
Commitment doesn't have to go through marriage.
There are a lot of ways to show that you care for the other one.
You prove it, you have a child and you've been living together for a while.
As far as sex itself before marriage, I always though it's a good thing to do before hand, because it's an important part of a relationship.
Live your life the way you feel comfortable with, what matters is the relationship and the love you have, not the fact that you are married or not.
2006-12-12 03:23:20 · answer #1 · answered by Pyrene 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure "sex before marriage" is your real question.
It seems like your real question is "should we get married?"
Getting married because you think you are supposed to probably isn't a great idea. Getting married because you want to is a great idea. And aside from the argument that "a legal document won't change your love, etc, etc" there is a lot to be said about marriage from purely a legal standpoint.
As marrieds, it will be easier to keep your children's health insurance continued should one of you lose or change jobs. While you certainly seem to agree and share some common ideas, your boyfriend may not have legal standing with your children. It's also a sign that you are committed - not to society, but to your children.
A lot of churches and social services do pre-marital counseling. They don't tell you whether or not to get married, they help point out the strengths and weaknesses you both bring to the table and how to best use them.
Best of luck!
2006-12-12 09:17:50 · answer #2 · answered by Daniel D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you don't need to proove anything to anybody. If you are happy this way and love one another, why do you need a huge ceremony to announce your love to people?!
Society has changed and it is considered as a bad thing to be in a relationship and even have kids without being officially married, you can always do that in the future, whenever you guys have the finances to pay for a nice celebration and the expensive white dress and all that...
Just be happy and dont worry, you are not a sinner either, God knows your heart is good if you love that man and takes good care of your kids together !
2006-12-12 08:13:58 · answer #3 · answered by Flofy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I waited until we were married, and we are VERY glad that we made that decision. It was a great experience and brought us closer as a married couple.
In your situation, since you already have two children I think that it would be appropriate for you to stop "going through the motions" of BEING married, and just stop by the J.O.P. to legalize it. You can always have a big, fancy party when you can afford it. And look at it this way, if you had waited to have kids, you probably WOULD have been able to afford it.
2006-12-12 08:20:34 · answer #4 · answered by wnk 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Marriage isn't a piece of paper. It's a commitment. Most marriages end because that commitment was never there. And there's nothing in a marriage ceremony that can create that. That is a matter of charactor, integrity and maturity.
The one thing, though, about a wedding is the public pronouncement of your intentions toward your mate. There is something to be said for making your intentions known publically., and inviting family, friends and community to support and encourage your union.
2006-12-12 08:17:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sex before marriage to me is a given!
The old folks, and I mean old, use to say, if we all saved ourselves for marriage, then we wouldn't know any different. We'd think all men were the same.
But it's real life we're talking about here!! MEN sure knew better, because it has always been a given that a man can have a wife at home, and lay on the side.
My own grandmother never knew what a damn orgasam was! Can you imagin? NOT ME!
Why not seek until ye can find?
2006-12-12 08:33:41 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand how you feel whole heartedly!!! I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 6 years the 27 of this month, and we have a daughter. Getting married would be OK, but that only seems to mess things up. I know more people who are divorced than are married. Why would I put my daughter through that she and we are just fine the way things are.
If if ain't broke don't fix it!!!
2006-12-12 08:33:10 · answer #7 · answered by Just Me!!! 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sex before marriage can be good and can be innappropriate, but so can marital sex, so what of it eh?
As for children, personally I think children suck and won't be having any even though I'm physically capable (take that unfertile myrtles! haha). Sersiously though, I don't think it matters whether or not you're legally married. If you've got the commitment, your children are better off than legally married folks who are likely to divorce sometime down the road anyways.
2006-12-12 08:42:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i hope you don't feel like you need the big white wedding. if you guys want to get married why don't you just do it at the courthouse. my hubby and i did that because we couldn't afford a wedding either. but if you are happy with your life like it is, there is no reason to get married. good luck with the upcoming baby
2006-12-12 11:02:52 · answer #9 · answered by mj_jll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question shouldn't be about sex before marriage...I think that is very important....the question should be is it right to stay single when you have children.....that's up to you...but I would think that the
"big white wedding" is no longer appropriate and it should be about commitment and love and not about the party.....get married....good luck
2006-12-12 08:15:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋