Don't think he's a cheater, but am I right to question........?

Question

As it is christmas season my husband has had quite a few christmas parties for his work, which spouse's are not invited to.

He works for a large bank, about 3,000 people in his office. He told me today that the one he's going to tonight is not even his party, some girl who is in a completely different department/floor has asked to come to along to hers who he met at a course a few months back.

We have only been married 3 weeks, and I have to admit my husband is lovely and crazy about me so I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he is cheating. However this invite would have been before we were married, I wonder about her intentions. He has said that he's bringing a few guys from his team aswell.

My quesiton is that is this behaviour of his like a single man rather than a married/attached man??

Am I being unreasonable or am I right to quesiton this?

Don't know how to feel, but I don't like it! Hmm, maybe I'm just being jealous????

The people he's taking work in the company also

The company expense everything, and they are quite elaborate. Apparently costs would be too high if everyone brought their spouse.

Hmm, its an investment bank in London. They've had a good year so the management are having team parties, floor parties, department parties and a main one.

Hmm, I don't know how to find out if its crap that I can't come though???

This is the woman's own team party i.e payroll but in the same company

Answer 1

So strange... I was wondering the exact same thing, so I was researching and I found your question. I am in the same boat. My husband is a lawyer in one of the biggest firms in the U.S. We live in New York City. This firm spares no expense on the amount that they spend wining and dining everyone all year round (not just during the holidays). But, alas, no spouses at the Christmas parties! I have been married for less than 6 months, and feel the same way that you do about our committment to one another.
While I do not want to ruin his fun nor be a drag... I cannot help but feel that it is inappropriate for him to attend these functions. (And yes, like you, there are multiple parties for each department, etc., that he attends). I guess that I wish that he had more consideration for me. He is generally considerate, and never tries to hurt my feelings, so it makes me wonder if I am being overbearing. Sound familiar?
And these are not parties that one would love to get out of... these like galas with beautiful food and drinks in the most posh places that the city offers.
So, in response to your questions, yes, this is the behavior of married men (though it probably should be confined to single men) and you are right to question his choices. At least you know that you are not alone.

Answer 2

I think you have every right to question it and I don't think it has anything to do with jealousy. While married people don't have to do EVERYTHING together, I think he is being a bit selfish going to EVERY party. I think that if he is being honest about you not being allowed to go (which as everyone has said sounds EXTREMELY strange) that attending ONE party would have been enough. I don't think it's right or fair that he continues to attend ALL these parties without any regard to your feelings. He should WANT to have his wife by his side ! I have never heard of a company throwing multiple Christmas parties before. These are just MY opinions and I hope it works out for you. It sounds ridiculous that you can invite people from "other teams" into the party and yet there is no party which would involve spouses. I'm curious do they have ANY type of party for the employees and spouses along with the "team parties" ?

Answer 3

You are being jealous but more importantly I think you are feeling left out. If you trust him then it won't matter what this other woman's intentions are does it? It is the Christmas party season and of course there are going to be parties especially when he works for such a big company. There must be some parties that you can go to surely? If not then tell him it's only fair that he makes it up to you by taking you out on the town so you can get in to the party spirit also.

Answer 4

That's strange, every work due i've been to as always allowed the employees to atleast bring one person along. I find it really strange that this some girl actually is having her OWN party (so why is it anything to do with the company). Why isn't she inviting you also? Sorry but I would also be asking this question if I we're in your shoes and so would a lot of people. Ask your husband not to go, i'm sure he would understand.

Answer 5

I agree that most companies allow and even encourage spouses and dates. I've never seen one that didn't.

But even if that is true, there's absolutely no reason to question motives for what you've described. None.

A work Christmas party? That's nothing! A girl invited him? Who cares? He probably works with more women than men anyways and you can't get jealous about him going to work every day, can you?

Now, if he doesn't show up until the next morning, that's different. If he comes home with lipstick on him, or smells like sex, kick him to the curb. Don't ignore genuine signs!

But from what you've described... Forget it! Let him go! Go to a movie with a girlfriend or something!

Answer 6

well ok you have two ways to look at this situation:
1.0 he told you the truth about the party and the females invite - he could have just as easily lied about it and said it was part of his teams party - realistically you'd never have been any the wiser.
OR
2.0 you can look at this as any normal female would and be hopping bloody mad!!!! This woman you say met him on a course? Well lets face it how many woman would ask a guy they barely know to a party? Id want to slap her silly!!!! I think maybe you should just explain your concerns about the fact that whilst you trust him - you are worried about what her intentions are.
If you can organise a night out for yourself do - you'll only torture yourself sitting at home wondering about how he's getting on and if this woman is making shapes at him.
Good luck hun! xx

Answer 7

Please, you don't go to a party when you spouse is not invited, especially if it is someone from a different department. We have a holiday party here at work and our spouses are not invited but it is also during the day. Why is he taking other guys from his section to this party, I would tell him something and say to him that you would appreciate it if he would not go to that particular party, I guarantee you that he will get upset and the first four words out of his mouth will be DON'T YOU TRUST ME!!!!!

Answer 8

I don't think that is right. If it is a party outside of work hours then you should be able to go. And why does he feel the need to go even when you can't come as well? I think he should stay home with you and you guys have your own party.

Answer 9

Going to his own party is one thing, but going to some other woman's. NO! I would have a serious problem with that. Sounds like a date to me. He should have more respect for you and your marriage. You've been married 3 weeks and he's already "dating" not a good sign

Answer 10

Yes, you have every right to feel this way. Especially since you've only been married 3 weeks. Heck you guys should be honeymooning. (Even at home!)

I would not flat out ask him if he is cheating on you. That'd really tick him off. But, I would address your concerns to him in a nice way. Don't pick a fight. Consider your words first before talking to him.

Your reasoning is justified!