How do we approach a messed up friend?

Question

Me & 2 friends have a 'crisis' meeting with another of our friends tonight. We're of a group of about 30, & everyone else has had enough of her. She lies, she stirs, she b.tches behind peoples backs, & does nothing but whinge and moan. You might think we're crazy, but she suffers from depression which is why we want to try and tell her she's aliennating herself. None of our friends want her to come to their NYE party, and we have to tell her and tell her why. She is nearly 40 years old and we've only known her for 6 months, and she has no other friends. I don't want to be too harsh to her, but she needs to be told that her behaviour is going to end up in her losing this group of friends too. How do we be supportive to her without coming across mean? It's very tough being friends with someone who is so down all the time about everything, and others will no longer tolerate her. How do we approach this? Thanks in advance...

Answer 1

The fact that you want to help makes you and your friends good people. And that's exactly the kind of people she preys on, because she is not a good person.

You may be her friend but she is not your friend.

If your description is accurate your best solution is: "Go away and never talk to me or my friends ever again."

You really have no other choice, she will continue to screw you and your friends up. That's all she will ever do, you cannot save her because she does not want to be saved. She wants you to be as miserable as she is.

Sorry. I know it's easy for me to say this, I don't have to do it, but how much life do you want sucked out of you before you realise she's a hopeless case.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Please try not to be so harsh with her when you tell her about the problems you are facing with her.

You say she is depressed, if this is actually real depression and not just a misuse of words, then you need to be more considerate and tolerable of her behaviour. If you tell her what it is you are about to tell her, and she is actually suffering from depression, then it could just make her depression worse. It could lead to things of an unpleasant nature...

Try to get your friend to seek professional help. I would also suggest you all talk to your friend, maybe you could find out the reason/s why she is depressed, it could be more serious than you think. When you are more informed of her situation/s you can all then try to give her some advice and support. Just remember that we all need a good friend to talk to in times of trouble, and nobody would want to be betrayed in a time of crisis.

It is always much better to help than to harm, I know it can't be easy to deal with someone who is constanlty down, but if you are her true friends then stick by her. In life sometimes we need to take people as they are. I'm not saying she will be that way forever, but just try to be there for her. Maybe you could all help her to change her way of thinking, help her to be more open and help her to think more positively. Then you can all have a great friendship with each other and nobody has to be excluded.

I hope you find a solution to your problem. Take care and all the best hun.

Answer 3

Tricky, tricky... you want to be as sensitive as you can if she is your friend, but be direct.

A lot of times people don't realize that they are in jeopardy of losing friends even those who consistently do things to push people away. You'll want to be kind and tell her that it's because you would like your friendship to grow that need to tell her how the group of you feel.
She most likely will feel hurt..but a dose of honesty with her will hopefully help her to see that she needs your friendship and that she should look at life more positively.

Answer 4

Move on - your 'friendship' is doomed. You sound misguided. Your 'friend' clearly has issues that run deeper a than a chat. I can almost guarantee that she will see the problem being with almost everyone else but herself and anything you do will be seen as ganging up on her. There is a good reason she has no other friends. Miserable people ultimately attract miserable people, happy - happy, dull - dull, blah blah blah

Answer 5

absolutely do no longer do it. you could't threat your protection and wellbeing only to keep a probable delusional chum satisfied. Prioritize: Her happiness, or your wellbeing and correctly-being. i'm constructive you've heard it 1000's of circumstances, yet there extremely are distinct issues that ought to get it incorrect, from STD's on the acute aspect, or only a situation you're only no longer tender with. you ought to not knowingly walk right into a situation like this, inspite of if it potential dropping a chum. as well, a chum who's throwing you into this manner of ludicrous situation won't be able to have your best activity in innovations, actually her own. perchance she desires to be informed that she is putting herself in a situation it truly is not any longer reliable for her. counting on your courting with her, perchance a conflict of words about it must be healthful. this is demanding to inform a chum some thing like that, yet inspite of in case you do not confront her about it, do not go by using with her plan, it ought to't probable end properly. i do not understand how typically you drink or smoke, yet in case you do not do it already, this would easily no longer be the region to p.c.. up those habit. And an additional desirable ingredient, in case you assert you'll go and keep her company, yet promise your self no longer to partake of any alcohol, and so on., i imagine that can be a mistake as well. Even the better human beings supply in to pressures from friends, and also you ought to finally end up doing an excellent type of things you'd be apologetic about, and in my journey, i have not felt many worse emotions that be apologetic about for issues i won't be able to go back and adjust. desire you'll locate some help in any of this.

Answer 6

Thats really harsh........ How about just not inviting her.... And if she is 40 years old ...... Why are you acting like such children about this..... Sounds like you lot have been doing a lot of bitching as well.....
My god you should grow up.... If we dont like people we dont associate with them.... But it is an individuals choice not a group event.....
Others might actually like her..... Each person has to make their own decisions..... Just dont invite her.....
She will get the message..... Or top herself.....!

Answer 7

I would say you should definitely have a one on one talk with her, otherwise she may feel she is being ganged up on and will immediately go on the defensive. Tell her you care about her and want to help her, but that there is only so much people can do to help someone who does not want to help themselves.

Answer 8

Have a word one to one, nothing worse having a group of people round you when someone is going to tell u something you don't want to hear. Be honest with her.

Answer 9

she stirs, bitches and lies,at forty yeaars old, sorry, no can do. in the past i have given a great deal to s few people i was so sorry for, even taking one person into my home. then i managed to find him accomodation. when i told him, he was rude, threatening, scared me, it suddenly dawned on me why he was alone, it really wiped me away, never again, that does not mean that i am not still kind , perhaps, i am no longer niave.

Answer 10

bring humour to the situation.... dont see it as a 'crisis' you all seem big enough to take all her bitching and whining with a pinch of salt and the fact that you want to help her means you still want her as part of your group.....so make light of it she'll probably respond more if you generally have a laugh and crack on with her rather than ganging up on her