My 12 year old daughter is asked me if she can date?!?! (please read details)?

Question

Hi,My 12 year old daughter came home and said that a boy asked her out and asked me if she could go.I said yes and was really excited for her.I drove her to the cinema and met his parents.turns out they live down the road.A few weeks later I went to pick her up from his place one afternoon because he was having a end of year party and i walked around the big water tank and saw my daughter and him kissing and his hand was up her shirt and his pants where down.I was shocked and I had the "talk" with her and she said she was in the "moment" so I grounded her.Her grades are dropping and she is becoming more rebbelious.What should I do?

Answer 1

Oh my...have I got this to look forward to??

I don't really have any suggestions for you...my daughter is only 3! I do think you need to have a serious conversation with her...I assume she's already begun menstruation by now as most have by 12 nowadays. If you really want to keep her from having sex so early, perhaps you should only let her see this boy while he is in your home (and at school obviously)...You're her mom and you're the boss! She needs to know you are worried about her, and she needs to get her grades up as they are much more important right now than having boyfriends...I hope she complies to your demands, whatever they may be. Good luck honey!!

Answer 2

With no disrespect intended, why was this "party" without adult supervision? Because I think her actions were more to do with peer pressure, I would say she is no longer allowed to date without adult supervision or there will be NO DATE. This way you will know for fact she will not be pressured into doing things. The grounding was a good idea, she got the message that being sexual at her age is unacceptable. Now if she were 16-17 I would kinda expect this and adult supervision would be too much, but I would still have rules about where she would be. Like she would not be allowed to be in HIS room, she must stay in a public area and HE would not be allowed in her room.

Just my opinion though.

For the Mom with the three year old, maybe some of the suggestions here will help you decide a good course of action to have when the time comes.

Answer 3

good morning mother, I have a 13 year old and she ask me if she can talk to a boy from school on the phone and I said yes and now I'm sorry I did that because now she"s on the phone all the time with a boy so now I listen every thing she talk about so I"M cool for now but I wish that I never said yes to that so now I have to put a stop to this boy talk [ not talking about sex yet ] but I'm not really yet for all of this because I was 16 when I started talk to boys so put a stop to it now before she has a baby at 13 it will but hard but you will have your little girl for a few more years let me what what you think o.k I have to going to work will be home at 9:00 p.m talk to you later.

Answer 4

How long have her grades at school being dropping? before the whole episode with the boy with his pants down? If so why did you let her go on a date without you being there? you said you were excited for her- she is twelve- ie nowhere near adult! She is 12- not even a teenager and you are letting her go out on dates?????????!!!!!!!!! Do you really honestly think that this is an ok thing to do?. her grades at school are dropping because she is too busy thinking about boys and dates. let her worry about that when she hits 14/15 at the earliest

Answer 5

Hand up her skirt and his pants down. Looks like you got there in time.

That was not petting.

Plenty of boys out there that will bed your daughter and forget her immediatly. Charming words are cheap. Any young man worth his salt wouldnt look twice at a 16 year old, let alone a 12 year old.

Please please wise her up. Spend time with her. Get peer pressure working for you by getting some older but wiser girls to take an interest in her.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

Help her now and I am a mom of two teens trust me when I say NOW because if you don't it could only get worse from here. Spend time with her as much as possible and let her know those boys don't care about her. Dating is not for 12 year olds. They may find a way to be with each other even in school but you can let her know your there to help her and you care about what happens to her. Set limits and don't let up, go visit the school too. Let her know you will be around when she least expects it.

Answer 7

First of all, I have a 16 and 7 year old daughters and I have a hard time allowing my 16 year old to date. Even after I have already had the "talk" with her, Its still makes me nervouse. But as for my 7 year old, there is no way in the world that I would allow her to date when she is 12. There is to much to worry about now adays, teen pregnancy, rape, violence, STDs just too much it makes my head hurt.

Answer 8

I should have said that you could not have allowed her in the first place but now that she in the game what I will tell you to do is that call her sited and told her all she needs to know about sex and dating. The implication and danger that is in early sex. I am a teen also, I have a date and my mom advised me always and I followed her word, so let her also follow your words, advice her in the right path. Tell her more about sex, dating and AIDS, let her knew the dander that is involve because she is still small and needs to learn. I will also like if you can introduce her to a book, Undressed: The Naked Truth about Love, Sex, and Dating by Jason Illian. You can get a copy from Amazon.

Answer 9

I would never let my 12 year old daughter date at all, that is just asking for trouble. I will not allow my daugters to date until they are 16. 12 year olds are not mature enough to date. You did the right thing by grounding her, but, it was wrong to let her date in the first place.

Answer 10

Try to help her. Talk to her about sex and why people have sex. If you were having premarital relationships, it might help you understand. You don't need to tell her about yours of course, but you know. If she thinks she's in love, I'm very sorry. If she's just doing it for fun, then you'll be okay as long as she can learn that it's best to wait a few more years because of all the responsibilies that come with sex. As for getting caught up in the moment, tell her until she's ready for sex, stick to kissing! Help her learn that lesson using her past experience.

I also second the idea that you should get her on contraceptives quick before she ends up pregnant. Give them to her every morning or evening at meals. Every single day! Don't count on her to take them properly just yet. Also, go buy her some condoms or at least tell her about them and where she can get them and teach her about sexually transmitted infections and how they are treated. Pictures of herpes sores and other infections are often good for scaring kids away from sex. Do it truthfully though, let her know that clamydia and other infections are easily treated, but can have major complications if not. Don't say things like, "if you have sex you will DIE!" because any child who's the least bit intelligent knows that's bull ****. If she does become sexually active, make sure she's seeing a doctor for regular STI testing, birth control and PAPs.

I would get her the HPV vaccine too! But that's a good idea even if this wasn't the situation on hand.

You may also want to warn her about what stupid boys and really stupid girls say about girls who enjoy sex. While it's certainly not a standard I agree with since responsible sex is healthy and normal behavour for both sexes, it is a reality that is still there and may end up doing her harm.

I don't condone 12 year olds having sex, but maybe you can keep her away from it for 4 or 5 years, but if you can't well, you've got to make sure she's educated about it!

Oh, and let her see her boyfriend still, but in very supervised situations and don't let them be alone together for more than a few minutes! They can kissa little bit right? If you tell her she can't see him at all, you'll risk invoking more of that rebellious side of hers.

Treating sex like it's something disgusting dirty or necessarily emotionally harmful isn't going to make the situation any better. Trust me, I did the abstinence only training. All it did was make me want to have sex even more because I knew it was bull shite and I just had to prove them wrong! (Hey, I was a teenager! That's how teenagers think.) You've got to be honest with your daughter about sex otherwise she's going to learn the truth from another source and lose trust in you.