Me and my husband has been together for about 11yrs dating for about 8yrs and married for 3yrs. Before I met my husband I had been dating this guy which I've known for 13yrs. This guy I still have strong feeling for and I can't seem to shake him off. He's a great guy but he has some faults about himself like he has a girlfriend of about 6yrs that he's living with. He's a really good friend and I just don't know what to do. I love my husband so very much and I have strong feeling for Mr.X..............Please HELP Mrs.Confused
2006-12-11 20:23:27 · 19 answers · asked by TAE M. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand your predicament.human relationships are complicated.the feeling you have inside is not wrong at all. Society works differently when it comes to relationships, exclusivity is demanded in a relationship between a man and a woman.Although your feelings might not be wrong, you should stick to you husband as you have made a commitment to be with him. You can love the other guy, but don't do anything stupid to jeopardize the relationship you have with your husband.
Relationships can manifest themselves in a lot of ways.your love for two people can be akin to a relationship that a mother has with two male children,in this case, the mother cares about the well being of both the children, she truly does love both of them and she cannot choose, it is this very characteristic that is manifesting in your relationship and thoughts,cos there is a mother inside every woman. Unfortunately, you cannot have the same kinda relationship with two adults.Caring about two people is OK, do not make the mistake of getting into a relationship with two people.the relationship between siblings is different from the relationship between two men competing for the same woman.
2006-12-11 21:02:21 · answer #1 · answered by Ifonlyiknew 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You speak about your husband mental and physical abuse, but than the rest of the letter is more about your ex. There are two sides to every story, I wonder if he knows that you still care for your ex that's why he is treating you that way. I think you already care for this guy, if you want your marriage, I would move out, and not run to the ex, tell your husband he has to get counseling and prove himself before you go back with him. IN the mean time don't sleep with your ex and complicate things. You have kids that needs to know marriages can be worked out. Sex isn't everything, it's just one of the things that makes a good marriage. You married better or worse, now you see the worse. Get counseling also, before making any decision so you can see the part you played in the ruin of your marriage. It takes two to make a marriage. Most people only look at what the other done and not at what part they play. Therefore, when they go into another relationship, that one doesn't work either.
2016-05-23 08:09:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just got married a couple of years back. After a few months of marriage, I still had feeling for someone I liked for a long time before marriage, but he wasn't ready. so it dint work. anyways
Marriage is not a joke. It works only if you are completely dedicated, honest and clear. Therefore, it is high time now (and I say high time because its been 11 years since you and your hub have known each other) that you clear your mind and be free and fresh and not confused and unhappy.
Well here's what to do. Keep a pic of your husband close to you. desktop / frame on your desk / in your wallet . and everytime you think of your ex, look at his picture. Think about how much he loves you and how dedicatedly he's working to make a home with you. I'm sure there are many distractions for him too. But he's by your side completely without any mixed feelings.
So if you make this a practice you'll start realising what a HUUUGE mistake it was to even think about another man.
Hope this helps !
2006-12-11 20:52:41 · answer #3 · answered by Dhanashree B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey there,
I know exactly what you mean, because I've dealt with something similar. Here's what I came up with. You can have both men in your heart, that is totally acceptable. But respect your husband because he is the one you took vows with and don't cross the line with the old boyfriend. You can always love that ex in some capacity, because he used to be an important part of your life. And maybe you don't love the ex, you just loved that time in your life and he happened to be a big part of it. Maybe you're missing something in your marriage; maybe your husband has been busy or you two havent had alone time to relax and be romantic. I think you know that you are meant to be with your husband, but it is perfectly o.k. to cherish and remember a kind ex boyfriend. Good luck to you, hun. :)
2006-12-11 20:29:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you're married I think you should keep the commitment you made and do everything in your power to make your marriage work. Try to forget about Mr. X since you're unable to have a "just friends" type relationship with him. I know it's difficult, since you're feeling such a strong pull towards him, but it will pass. Think of how you'd feel if you were in your husband's position and it will make it a bit easier. Good luck.
2006-12-11 20:27:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have gotten over this guy a long time ago. You are with you're husband for a reason if you didn't think so you would have married your ex. There is really nothing to be confused about its been to long for the feelings to still bother or you're husband just don't cut it.
2006-12-11 20:33:18 · answer #6 · answered by CRUNKMAN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you STUPID ? because this question certainly is !! you have a husband you love and loves as well as TRUSTS you and you will give that up for a guy you broke up with because he probably cheated on you ( go ahead tell me I am guessing wrong lie to me like you will your husband ) and he already has another girlfriend he is living with for the past 6 years yet !! so you cheat on your husband and he cheats on her and when his girlfriend finds out is she going to stay quiet ? nope or are you just planning to leave your husband for this guy ? are you going to move in with them both or run off together ? anyway you look at it you will eventually end up alone ! the one I feel sorry for here is your husband if I were in your place that loser would be long gone and my husband would be having his butt KISSED thank goodness I am not female we men have to love you but sometimes can barely stand you the only alternatives we have are masturbation , hookers , and the gay lifestyle !!!!!
2006-12-11 20:38:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide what you want, marriage, or possible losing both. Does your ex have the same feelings, have you discussed this with your husband? Do you have children?
In my personal opinion, you made your choice when you said "I do". It isn't fair to your husband to continue with this. You need to forget your ex boyfriend or your marriage, you can't have it both ways. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?
2006-12-11 20:29:22 · answer #8 · answered by bigbro3006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i think its very possible to love 2 people and i know how much the pain hurts iv got a boy Friend of 9 yrs and iv been in love with someone else for a few years now i hope it all goes well
2006-12-11 21:59:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is not just an emotion. It is a choice. Every day I choose to love my husband. I choose not to love other men this way.
Don't play the victim. You can be in control of all your desires.
2006-12-11 22:07:38 · answer #10 · answered by pwone mwahu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋