My friend has such low self asteem. She thinks she is huge but everyone else tells her she's not that big. I think when she looks in the mirror she see's herself as being this huge whale which she really is not. How can i convince her. She's about 5"10 and she's a size 22. I guess cause of her height all the weight is spread out so she dosnt look that big. what do u think, if a girl is almost 6' tall and a size 22 do u think thats: thick, fat, obese or big? To me she looks like queen latifa's size. Her face is so pretty thu and she always has her head down. Even her boyfriend trys to convice her but she just dosnt see it, how can we make her see what we see! I know she wishes she had better self esteem cause we'll see ppl bigger then her wearing tight clothes with everything hanging out and she'll even say "i wish i had there esteem to wear something like that"
2006-12-11 19:23:53 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
tell her to wear vertical strips clothes which will let her feel thinner.
2006-12-11 19:27:29 · answer #1 · answered by Priyanka N 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No matter how evenly the weight is distributed and no matter how pretty her face is and no matter how bright and energetic her personality is and no matter how true and good her character is - anything over 30 pounds overweight is considered obese. Anything over 50 pounds is morbidly obese. (Really, think about it, FIFTY POUNDS of fat...)
Although our bodies need fat to survive, and fat makes our hair shiny and our skin soft and supple, and is necessary for most functions of the body, EXCESS fat is a great burden. Excessive fat is deadly.
Size 22 on a 5'10" girl is obese. I would guess she weighs somewhere between 240-260 pounds.
The fact is, she doesn't need to work on her weight to feel better about herself, she needs to work on whatever causes her to overeat to feel better about herself and she knows it, that is why your compliments and encouragements are not making her feel better. Her self-esteem has nothing to do with her looks, it's to do with her own sense of self-worth.
You should talk to her and help her express the reasons why she overeats, when she overeats, what feelings cause overeating and give her any and all support you can to help her become the girl she wants to be.
You are right to say that she is a beautiful person despite her weight because what counts IS the inside. But that's my point. No matter how many times you say she's beautiful she won't see it because the root of her insecurities is not her weight, inside she feels something is wrong and whatever that something is it's resulting in an image she doesn't relate to when she looks in the mirror.
She knows something is wrong. Help her figure out what it is and support her to rebuild and renew her self-image.
2006-12-11 19:53:54 · answer #2 · answered by Brynn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In today's society any one who wears bigger than a size 10 can be considered fat, and that is despite the fact that the AVERAGE thin woman wears a 12! She feels she is fat because she sees things that are hidden in her clothes. She needs to understand that beautiful is not a size or a weight...and as someone that has been and felt fat her whole life, even when modeling, I can relate to what she is telling you.
She needs to know that her BMI will tell her how much 'fat' she is carrying, and not her weight. She is almost 6' tall, she will never weigh 120 pounds. She also needs to be brought to understand that all women are beautiful simply by being. You are not going to be able to do this, none of her other friends are going to be able to do this and her b/f is not going to be able to do this
SHE has to do this and it will be easier if she has the help of a good therapist. Body dysmorphism (seeing something or feeling other than what is really there) is not easy to overcome, but it can be done.
****after reading another post I thought I would put another 2 cents in****
One thing you, she and anyone else around her needs to be aware of is that she may not be fat because she over eats. Infact, when I read your post the first thing I thought because of how you describe her is PCOS. She may be insulin resistant. So, telling her she is beautiful but needs to find out why she over eats, when in fact she doesn't, her body just doesn't burn fat is NOT going to help her self esteem! Follow the link below to a topic overview of PCOS and see if you think any of it applies to her. If it does, the solution for her 'problem' is very simple and very manageable. If it is PCOS, better to find out now while she can preserve her fertility than later. BTW, PCOS affects up to 25% of women of reproductive age so it is more likely to be this than thyroid or other common issues.
*getting off of soap box, thanks for letting me vent!*
Good luck, HTH
2006-12-11 19:30:37 · answer #3 · answered by Star 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I see that no matter what you may tell her she is not buying it. I would recommend somethings that boost self-esteem , Fitness can do allot for someones self esteem not only physically but mentally as well. If she does not already participate at a local gym that would be a good idea and a partner to go along . I can almost guarantee you that this will bring her up and its an awesome pass time. Good Luck !
2006-12-11 22:12:48 · answer #4 · answered by escape4utopia 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be sincere, the girl is fat. And there is nothing you can do to convice her that she looks good while her self is not happy with her size. To help her, try to find some body weigh programs for her.
2006-12-11 20:42:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mama A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to convince her that beauty does not equal tight whorish clothing. If she has boyfriends that should tell her right there that she is pretty. and she has great friends like you there to help her realize that she's beautiful just the way she is. Every time she says she's not pretty, simply say, "Yes you are, and you're absolutely perfect." Make sure her boyfriends tell her that too.
2006-12-11 19:27:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-05 05:13:22 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Self esteem is a reflection of herself. She has to see that she is beautiful. Buy her the book that Monique wrote "Skinny Bit*ches are Evil" she will get a kick out of it.
2006-12-11 19:50:59 · answer #8 · answered by Miss. Tee98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same prob
and it is hard to walk between people staring at you but they don't
take her for a nice hair cut and a new outfit she will feel beater for a day or two
when see lose wait she will chance you will see
and you are very nice worrying about your Friend, keep up the good work
2006-12-11 19:32:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋