My boyfriend used to live in Japan, and just moved here a little over a year ago. He had a crush on a girl there before, and turns out she is now living here. They're planning on hanging out this weekend, and I'm not really comfortable with it. He knows this, but he keeps reassuring me that he doesn't like her anymore and only loves me. He just wants to hang out with her because he hasn't seen anyone from Japan in a year. I'm still jealous, though. Should I be? He's really good to me, but he has a past. Before me, he was just dating around a lot. He's had many girlfriends, most of which lasted only a week or so. I'm his longest relationship so far (little over 3 months). But yeah...I really don't like the idea of them hanging out=/ am I just being overly paranoid and jealous?
2006-12-11 18:00:06 · 15 answers · asked by Jenniferrr 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He is 18, and I'm about to be 17 in a couple weeks. I'm pretty sure he'd be okay with me going with him, I'm just afraid of seeing her and thinking she's "better" than me, or maybe feeling third wheel to a bunch of inside jokes that I don't understand.
Also, I do have a past. but I've only dated 3 other guys, because I'm not really into casual dating. I enjoy longer relationships. His past consists of at least 20 ex-girlfriends. Also, they never dated, he just liked her. Which also scares me because I'm not sure if that means he has true closure on that crush.
2006-12-11 18:16:31 · update #1
Why can't you all hang out together?
2006-12-11 18:01:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes and No. Yes because you say he is good to you and if you can't trust the person you're with maybe you have some things you need to clear up within yourself. You say he does have a past, well... so do you and what does that mean? And No because if this makes you feel uncomfortable then he should at least take that into consideration and have at least invited you out with them, I mean they are just friends right? Then there should be no problem with you accompanying the two of them, maybe you all can become friends. Maybe you should suggest that instead of complaining. Try the understanding, cool girlfriend roll instead of the complaining insecure girlfriend roll, you'd be surprised how far it can get you.
2006-12-11 18:09:59 · answer #2 · answered by msshelene 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know, from experience, that YOUR boyfriend should not go out with this girl. Why does he have to hang out with her anyway... he said he doesn't like her anymore that right there don't make any sense...maybe he should invite you and some other friends along that way nothing can happen... that way you meet her she meets you and she knows he's off limits otherwise, you never know he might "all of a sudden" feel like he needs time a part and winds up dating her... afterall he did have a crush on her. Besides 3 months is not long enough in my opinion to be talking about "he only loves you" Be careful. You're not being paranoid or jealous , youre just tryin to keep what's yours.
2006-12-11 18:07:31 · answer #3 · answered by cookiecrys 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok, so you should go with him, but do not act jealous. He will take this negatively, and you will lose this relationship. This guy seems to have committment trouble, and since he has been with you this long, it says a lot. Let him see her, but as to go with, and although you may not get the inside jokes and other such conversation stuff, act like you enjoy being there because being with him is fun. Do not be fake about it though. Also, being close to him never hurt, but dont be excessively affectionate, he should not be able to read that you are uneasy. You only are looking to win the day with him still loving you, no loss, no gain, AND NO LOSS.
2006-12-11 18:06:41 · answer #4 · answered by Jet Three 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would help if I knew your appoximate ages. If you are teens, I'd say he's not really interested in a serious relationship, which is norma for that age. If you are older, I'd say he's finding something in the other girl that attracts him that he doesn't find in you and he should tell you how serious this is. If he says it's not serious tell him to drop her. If it is serious, better let him go.
Regardless, you have a right to know what's going on in his mind so you can decide what you want to do.
2006-12-11 18:07:29 · answer #5 · answered by Everyman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is he allowing you to go hang with them? might be fun to learn something new - ? is this a one shot deal - or will he relight the fire he had with her?
secondly, how would he feel if you were to visit an old flame - before he moves off to college in January
you may have just cause for concern - best of luck
2006-12-11 18:04:26 · answer #6 · answered by tom4bucs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way should he be hanging out with her, at least not without you! NO NO NO way!! That's a recipe for disaster. You may know him, and belive his claims, however, you don't know her. You know as well as I that women can be vindictive. She may be attracted to him, and now that he is in a steady relationship, may try to push herself on him, either cuz she may like him, or for games. Either way, my opinion is that old relationships can be renewed, and you wouldn't be wise to trust the situation. Your gut is already telling you otherwise! Trust it!! and if he insists, YOU insist on accompanying him, to "hang out" with her. If they are just old pals, it shouldn't be a big deal for you to tag along, plus he should be proud to show you off to his former flame! Good luck hon! :)
2006-12-11 18:05:12 · answer #7 · answered by spamneggzzz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not okay. You should suggest going with him...if he loves you so much he would have no problem with this. If he had a crush on this girl, those feeling could resurface once he sees her. This situation is just a setup for him to mess up.
2006-12-11 18:07:36 · answer #8 · answered by Lil MsPerdie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think your reaction is just normal. if i were you, i wouldn't permit my guy to hang out with the girl. if he insists, why don't you suggest that you go out with them? if what he has on mind is just a friendly date, he will be glad to let you join them. if he keeps on giving you reasons why it should be a her-and-him hangout, i suggest you start looking at your relationship objectively and ask yourself if he really values you the way you should be valued.
2006-12-11 18:11:40 · answer #9 · answered by happyness=) 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes i was in the same situation unless hes a creap, when he says hes over her hes over her. i know from my own gf and my old friends
2006-12-11 18:02:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋