any experience with cheating men?

Question

I had been dating someone for months before learning he was married. I ended it right away but it still haunts me and he still trys to contact me. He travelled a fair amout for work and I suppose that's what made it so easy to keep it secret and I did suspect but when I questioned him, he looked me straight in the eye and lied to me. Some of the lies he told me where so amazing I sitll don't know how I bought them. I feel like such a fool and wonder if anyone has any similar experiences to share or ideas to help me get past this. I've had trust issues in the past.....he knew of them. They've resurfaced and with the holidays coming I am feeling so miserable. Any words of wisdoms would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :)

Answer 1

My experience is from the other end, and I cannot believe I bought his lies either! I did get the satisfaction of knowing he had to scrub something I wrote, in permanent marker, on his "parts' off before seeing his girlfriend. Oh was he sore! She din't figure out he was with someone either. He wasn't a good liar, we were just both deluded into thinking he had to be the person we thought he was instead of the person he really was.
It happens, it improves your BS meter. Now, don't answer his attempts at contact and move on. Fool me once, shame on your, fool me twice shame on me. He can only hurt you again if you let him.
Good luck, HTH

Answer 2

i have a cheating experience from a women who is working with me. we both are married and have been very close friends - and this closeness is only known to us. There never used to be a day without we be in touch either by email, internal calls or by mobile phone. We even get annoyed each other for silly reasons and then get along quickly. As she never likes me to be mingling with any other female colleague or even with some male colleagues. In short she does not like me to be close to anyone other than her. Even this was my feelings too. Once i happened to touch her hand and kissed her on our way back home (we used to travel together in my car quite frequently). And i have repeated this action number of times and she used to continue travelling with me. Sometime back, her excolleague joined our office. And ever since i noticed that she is interacting with him a lot - and whenever i questioned on this, she gets excited and heat upon me saying that i am trying to control her blah blah things... which never used to happen earlier. then as an excuse she said that since i touched her she is trying to keep little distance and she never seen me with such feelings. i had a tough time forgetting her and i am trying to keep away from her, thinking that if she is happy with her new friend, let her be. but again she comes beind saying that you got rid of me? what do i do.

Answer 3

I am sorry that this happened to you. I have never had a problem with a guy hiding that he was married (I only dated one guy that was married, but he was in the end of a divorce). I have had experience with guys cheating, tho. Man, have I ever!! It seems like almost all the guys I have ever been with have cheated on me, besides my current fiance. My ex husband was the worst, tho. We were together for 20 years; married for 17. As far as I can now tell, he had been cheating for at least half of the 20 years, if not longer. Man, the lies he would tell! What made it worse was that the first one I know about was someone I had known since I wsa 9 years old--and she is the mother of my cousins (she and my uncle divorced many, many years ago, when the girls were small; she remarried to my ex's brother whom she met years later). Then I found out that he had an emotional affair with a woman he worked with. When I was thinking of leaving him for good, I suspect that he was paying hookers for sex. He was a trucker and would go through pretty much his whole check (about $2000 or more every 2 weeks), so I would only have my check of $1500 to pay the rent ($800) and the utility bills. I barely made it!! And I also had to pay for the food, dog food and vet bills for two dogs, etc!! Then, once I told others I was leaving him for good, I found out that he made the moves on my boss' sis in law!!!!! No wonder she wouldn't come around anymore!! I don't blame her!

Yes, I felt like a total fool when I found out about the first affair I know of. We all do. They trick us, con us, lie and cheat to get what they want, then wonder why we don't love them anymore or want them, why we are extremely mad at them, etc. Once I got over feeling like a fool, tho, I got angry, really angry. It took time, but I did work through it. Then he did it to me again! I never trusted him again!

Since I left him, a friend of mine introduced me to someone else, we dated for about a month, and then fell head over heals in love. It has been 18 months, we are living together, engaged to be married next year, and I finally found someone that treats me with the love, kindness, and respect that every woman deserves. He treats me like a Queen!! I have never had a relationship like this and believe with my heart and soul that he is my one true love, my soul mate.

As for getting over him and dealing with the holidays, what I would do is stay close with family and friends, keep yourself very busy, etc. Maybe writing down your feelings towards him in a letter that you may or may not ever send to him would help. It will take time, believe me. I, too, had major trust issues before I met my ex husband, and he knew this--and he took full advantage of it! These type of guys know what they are doing, preying on the vulnerable and lonely. They know just what to say and do to lure us in hook, line, and sinker. I learned what to look for and what not to fall for. It took years of working at it, reading self-help books and doing what they said to do in them, and going to years of counseling to realize all of this, tho. I looked and listened for any of it with my fiance, and none of it is there! I still, to this day, look and listen for it. I do trust him (man, does it ever take time to trust again), but I have never been able to fully trust any man. I had too much abuse as a child from men to trust men completely. I know in my head that I can trust my fiance completely, but my heart is very hesitant about it. Even just a bit of trust took about a year for me, even tho the love was there almost the whole time. It scared me to death to fall in love again, but this time I found the real thing, not someone that is wanting to take advantage of me and use me. Yours is out there too. You just need to take the time to heal from what you were just put through, to be by yourself, etc. In time, you will be ready to love and trust again.