Do I stay in a 10 yr relationship with no intimacy...we have a toddler daughter?

Question

I love him we have been together for 10 yrs. We have a 4 yr old daughter that we both love. But it is not same anymore, he has not french kissed me in 5 yrs. we have relations once every 4-5 months and only if i fuss enough about it. he comes home from work and eats and sleeps. I am always there for him. i dont run the streets. i am a good mom and take care of our daughter. i cry almost everyday wishing he would change back into the man i fell in love with. I am not a model type and do not consider myself a beauty by no means but i looked like me when we got together. we had been friends ever since high school but did not date till 15 yrs later. i get fed up and say i am leaving but i never do. i am afraid i cannot take care of daughter and self financially on my own. what should i do? we go places and do things but no romance or intimacy whatsoever? please help with advice.

Answer 1

It sounds like you have cabin fever more than anything else. Take a class in a hobby you enjoy, put your daughter in daycare while you take your classes. Become intrested in life and in yourself again. No Man likes a passive -agressive whinner. Quit trying to control his behavior by "fussing" and making threats. Learn who you are and have faith in your own inate abilites to make yourself happy for thats the only way to find happiness in life. You'll draw to you the kind of life and people and attitudes that you put out. It's up to you how you live your life and what kind of joy you will or won't experiance. Be responsible for your feeling and actions! Stop blaming others / life for the chit you let happen. Only you can decide how to respond to other's actions. Make the choice to be happy and you'll find happiness, make the choice to see chit and your life will be chit. I'm making plans NOW to leave my hubby of 13 yrs because he has the same passive -aggressive controling whinning behavior as you exbit here

Answer 2

Wonderful question. I consider myself a very sexual and spiritual person at the same time and have a thought out answer for you. If this same carbon copy situation happened to me, the results are as follows.

I would ask how long this has been going on, first off. Second, if I myself was getting intimate once every 4-5 months, I'd hit the road. I don't care if you're black, white, Jewish or Christian, if the marriage is a sham or a joke, I'm out the door. He seems to have lost the marital spark and for that, I offer my condolences.

I'm of the opinion that this CANNOT be regained. I am not pushing any negativity with this, but from the looks of what you have told me, it (the intimacy of the marriage) seems to have ground to a halt with no sound of fixing. In other words, a downward spiral, not just someone working overtime a few weeks out of a month. I REFUSE to beg for sex. I will leave before then. I'm just that way. I didn't get married to be mistreated. You shouldn't either.

Just because you don't consider yourself "The next top model" doesn't excuse that he has married you and has now seemingly cast you aside. You are STILL a human being, for goodness' sake.

You are incapable of casting a spell be it sexually or otherwise, so my advice to you is this: either get some counseling (He MUST go, or else kind of thing) or find someone who would love to be a father to your daughter who would support you emotionally as well as financially.

God bless, and good luck on life's journey.

Answer 3

First of all, five years no french kiss? How did you make your daughter? Anyway the thing is that if you have to beg for sex that is interesting. Is he old? I think you guys have grown apart. if you love your child you need to leave that relationship because kids know when there is no love between their parents. And if you are constantly crying your daughter sees that or gets the vibe that her mom is not happy which eventually will hurt her. So go on your way and take care of your child. You say he loves his daughter, then he will continue to do so even when you're not together. And don't say you're not that pretty, you can't put yourself down like that. We all come in different shapes and looks and colors. Your looks have nothing to do with his actions otherwise he wouldn't have gotten with you to start with. so give yourself a break and start a new life. If you feel you have to improve anything about yourself do so but not to please anyone else but to please you!

Answer 4

I believe what you are doing is proper, you must reduce ties together with her. Sadly that is what occurs typically whilst you you have to be satisfactory and allow matters slide within the starting, it might finish with harm emotions on all sides. However, from what you may have defined, it sounds as despite the fact that you might have adopted via to your side and I would not fear approximately any authorized problems or threats coming from her. I could nonetheless watch out with the truth that she is aware of wherein you reside and in addition the truth that she turns out a bit mentally volatile (and if no longer mentally volatile it is particularly seen she's no longer handling the results of you are agreements). That would be a abilities nightmare. If something maintains when you extreme touch together with her comparable to visits, force-by way of's, or undesirable items, I could so much absolutely get an order of safeguard or restraining order towards her no longer just for your self and your husband however for the youngster as good. I sincerly wish that the whole thing works out for you and your new loved ones and congratulations to your child. :-) Best of success.

Answer 5

If you have not talked with him yet, you need to start there.

If you've talked to him and this is an ongoing thing and you've tried to work on it and it's not getting better then, yes, I think it's pretty reasonable to think about leaving. And I would think about it a lot before actually leaving or making plans to leave.

Sex is important. Period. It's a basic human need that I think most of us have. You say you're not a model type but I can tell you that most men really don't care. If a man likes you and has some history with you, he's going to find your physically attractive unless you're really, really overweight. There does come a point where a person is so unhealthy that they are not attractive. I think we instinctively shy away from that which is unhealthy.

If you're just a bit overweight, that's not the issue. Women who are a bit soft and curvey can be a wonderful turn on for most men. So be honest with yourself. If you're healthy that's great. But if you don't feel like you're healthy, that's a good place to start.

Having said all that... you need to take care of yourself. You need to figure out what you need and what's best for you and begin to work on that. Based on what you say, you sound like a good wife and mother. That's worth a lot. Be the best you can be and if he still doesn't want you then trust me, there are plenty of men out there who would find you attractive and who want just what you want.

Some guys just don't like sex. I think that's weird but I have heard of it. Or as others have said, he might be getting his needs met elsewhere. Without more information, it's really hard to say...

Good luck you.

Answer 6

A man who is not having sex regularly with his woman ... at least a couple of times a week ... is a sign of something being very, very wrong. Common reasons include: he's getting sex elsewhere, he's too into drugs to care, or he's just shut down because he's not getting what he needs from you.

If it isn't one of the first two, ask yourself a few questions, and be brutally honest. How do you treat him? Do you greet him with love and affection when he comes home every day, or do you hit him with a litany of how your day went? Do you nag him about things, or do you simply tell him how much you appreciate what he does to keep the family going? Do you take the time to snuggle up to him, kiss him, and seduce him?

A man who feels loved, respected, appreciated, and wanted is going to show his contentment and happiness physically with the woman who makes him feel so great.

Answer 7

First of all look first to yourself make a list sometime this helps write down the thing you know that need improvement. If its a little makeup new hair color perfume. Loosening some weight.
We all can improve, remember this is good for you as well as him. Don't be concerned with him noticing the changes right away.And don`t ask him about sex, just be positive work on your self esteem.

Answer 8

Your child is 4 years old. She will be very upset if daddy doesn't live with you anymore, but probably young enough to adjust to it.

Let her get another year or two older, and she will be more aware, and more likely to be traumatised by the split. So if you don't go now, you're stuck until she's old enough to understand what's going on.

Trouble is, by that time (i.e. in her teens), it will be a bad time to split up because it would disrupt her schooling. So, you'll be stuck until your daughter finishes her education.

So basically, if you don't leave now, you are going to have to stick it out for another 12 to 14 years. Because if you decide to stay and then split up before she's grown up, you're likely to do your daughter more harm.

That doesn't mean you should walk out right now. What it means is, you must start taking action NOW, to work out what needs to be done - stop dithering!

A marriage can't survive without communication. Have you asked him why he's lost interest in sex? If you can't talk to him, go to a marriage counsellor - by yourself, if necessary. He/she can help give you the words to talk to your man.

It's possible he is exhausting himself being the breadwinner for you and his child. That may be his way of expressing his love for you. Wouldn't it be awful if you walked out on him, then found out that was his reason?

Answer 9

you had intimacy at one time to have a 4 yr old daughter, do you love this person? if so, take the bull by the horns, and spice it up if that's is what you want, it sounds like you want to be romanced and treated as you should be, is your significant other brain dead or looking over the fence to see greener grass? at any rate, try some new ideas on intimacy, be creative, you sound in your early thirties, or late twenty's. I'm in my sixty's and I still have fun. that's what life is all about, be productive and have fun doing it. good luck

Answer 10

Well if you love hime, don't quit the marriage.
Stress can keep people from having intimate moments. Talk about his stress. Go for a get away together to re kindle things. Maybe get a job, help with things( if you don't already) your daughter can go to preschool, it will be benificial to her to be with youngsters her age. That will help with the stress he has. Therefore kindle your romance. You try out of no where , let your daughter stay with a sitter, when he comes home be in a sexy gown and have candles, be spontanious.