How to think postive over the holidays when dealing with divorce. My wife left me for my best friend.?

Question

My wife left me for my best friend. Now ex best friend. She is making things hard on me. There is a 6 month old baby involved. I had to run a dna test on her make sure mine. Thank god she is. She now is all about the $. I make sure baby has things daycare etc but seems like the state takes you to the cleaners on support. I have to live also. I own a house and dont plan to sell it cause of my ex and her crap. Its hard for me to get custody cause im a police officer and work bad hrs. My attorney has not been the best. Gets mad when I call with a question or anything. Always says be done by first of year. I still dont see no progress. He sucks but hate to start with new attorney. He has my house title and im going to get upset if he dont give it back. He said he wanted the lot number and would photo copy it. Wont give it back. This whole thing is pissing me off.

Answer 1

Fire you lawyer now! Have you new lawyer extend court dates until everything is up to speed. Let your new lawyer know everything!

Answer 2

Well first of all I would look into getting a second opinion with a different lawyer. You have your rights too and you have enough on your plate already to be putting up with a bad or unproductive lawyer. I am so sorry you are going through all this. I am not an expert in the area of finding lawyers, but I have used to the local.yahoo.com to find just about everything else because I value the rating system. I am betting there has to be something like that out there for lawyers. If you really have to you can always contact the BAR and file a complaint against him. Believe me there is nothing a lawyer wants less then trouble with the Law Bar.

As far as staying positive over the holidays I would try to focus on small victories. A job will done at the office, a lucky penny found on the street, a really good cup of coffee made to perfection. Try to redo some of the old family traditions that really bring xmas and the holidays home to you. For me it's my mom's cookies, the smell of xmas trees and watching Babes in Toyland while wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket.

Only you know those things that just make you happy. We all have them. If that doesn't work try doing something physical.. I like the boxing game at the local arcade, but the gym or digging a ditch or screaming for as long and as loud as you can into a pillow all work. There is a nitch out there for you.

In the end if you just can't be happy for the holidays.. Don't be. No one ever said you HAD to be positive or jolly.. sometimes life sucks and thats okay. Just remember not to dwell on it. Give yourself a few days to sulk and then make sure you spend the same amount if not double forcing yourself to be happy. Pollyanna is nice.. but constantly happy people aren't real. Allow yourself to be you.. its the best thing you can be and I am sure you're great!

Answer 3

I know it's hard to think straight right now, but you've got to tackle it before it takes you over.

Consider your emotional health verses the type of work that you do. You MIGHT want to consult an MD and consider taking some time off work for FMLA, or the Family Medical Leave Act. Even if it's two weeks, that could make a big difference and give you time to organize and plan. And being a cop ain't easy in itself, much less dealing with this crap. An FMLA also allows you to "call in sick" without it being a detriment to your job, thereby saving your job if your sick days mount up.

Arrange daycare and stick to it. You don't need to worry about the baby and if you follow a consistent childcare arrangement, things look better in favour as far as the courts see it.

If you're at odds with your attorney, you've got to start with a new attorney. In your profession, take some time, less than a week, to ask around. Everyone you know and work with has known of or has used a good divorce attorney.

Keep all correspondence with your wife in writing. Keep a notebook with dates and times of communication. You're a PO so you have been trained to document, and use it to your advantage.

A good judge won't hurt you too much as far as your finances and property go. Show that you continued to go to work and pay the bills, as you always have, even in the face of this considerable hardship.

Equal custody of the child means equal child support. If she's able to work, she should work and she shouldn't live off of you.

She can get half the value of your house so you'll probably have to refinance it and hand over some cash. (This just kills me. A wife sits at home and ends up with a nest egg. While the husband may get the house, he's got the higher mortgage , still has to work every day, and she gets a wad of money.)

Don't get too mad and keep your emotions under control. Exercise and go for walks. Don't wear out your friends with constant yakkiing about the divorce. Don't bad mouth her.

Answer 4

Hang in there man!! What comes around goes around. I am a firm believer in that, although sometimes it seems like we may not live to see it. Like the previous states, time heals all wounds. You probably should try to find an attorney that you can trust, being in law enforcement, seems like you should know one. I have a 14 month old and a 11 year old, I don't receive child support for either one, so I get aggravated when a guy is trying to do the right thing and the ex makes it so hard. Take care of yourself and that baby and if you are a believer, pray a lot. I will say a prayer for you. Good Luck. Keep your head up and keep on smilin'.

Answer 5

Tough situation, Kyle. First the divorce. You are no longer living with or in a legally-recognized relationship with her. But the two of you have a child together. That child and your fatherhood and her motherhood will last as long as the three of you are alive. Don't forget that. Means you have to make nice-nice with her for the child's sake. If either of you use the child as a weapon to attack the other, the child suffers. Always remember that. So keep your cool. As to your attorney, tell him you want ironclad visitation rights with the Court giving specific dates (such as when the child is 1, 2, 4, 6, 7 and so forth) for appearing to ask for amendments. Then keep your eye on your ex and her boyfriends. If you ever believe the child is endangered because of drugs or alcohol or prostitution or anything else, be ready to jump in and ask the Court to give you custody. Re support for the child, give what you can. Re support for her, your payments should be modified by what she can earn and what her boyfriend earns (if she is living with him, or him with her). One of these days you will find another love and probably get married. Begin thinking about regaining custody...but be sure your new girlfriend/soon-to-be-spouse understands your love for your first child. Then begin thinking about regaining custody. May be big problem with new girlfriend who may want her own family. Choose carefully. Lots of info here but you have a long-lasting problem. Good luck.

Answer 6

Wow, your best friend, that really bites.

As for your attorney, well I fired my first one. It wasn't easy finding another one after that (they have a good ole boys club), but I did find one. It cost more paying off the first one, then hiring a 2nd but it was so very worth it.

As for the title of your house, that is recorded. So if you don't have the actual document, it is still on record at the court house.

I truly think you need a new attorney, but that move will invariably drag the proceedings on longer. So that will have to be a decision you make. But keep in mind, the decision that is made on the day of the divorce--with a crappy attorney-- will adversely affect you the rest of your life.

Answer 7

Wow, sounds like your in a doosy. Look at the positives though, sure you dont have custody but you do have visitations right? Your relationship with your wife and "best friend" are obviously over so go on to new ones. Spend more time with others (friends, family, hey even strangers) as well as yourself. Do no let this situation get the best of you especially during the holidays, although it may be hard to do so at times.

Answer 8

Tell your attorney that you are going to look for new counsel. Nine times out of ten, lawyers don't focus on one case, they focus on 20. Your attorney works for you, make sure that your money is being spent on one that is concerned with you! A little wake up call should work, let him know your time frame and when you want a resolution. You may not meet the deadline, but I bet you see more results...

Answer 9

I know its hard to think of the bright side of things...but there is a bright side...that beautful baby. And I assume healthy. That right there is a lot to be thankful for. And there are so many people that feel locked into an unhappy, unfaithful marriage. It is terrible what your wife did to you...but maybe it is a blessing in disguise. Maybe a wonderful woman will someday come into your life and the babys life and be the best wife and mother anyone could ever wish for. Good luck to you, I hope things work out for the best.

Answer 10

It's hard when the holidays come around to think and be positive when going through a divorce. But when you have those angry thoughts think of your little girl. It might ease some of the anger. I've been going through the anger stage myself and the holidays make me bitter. But I try to make the best of it and move on. This divorce stuff is not easy. Good luck and hope things get better for you.

Answer 11

On the Atorney, send him a reg -return recipt requested letter demanding the return of yout house titleor you will file a report with the bar and in same letter fire him. If he tries to sue for $$, I'd counter sue on grounds of mis-representation

Sad to say, in my state anything bought for a child , even with documenation cannot be applied towards court - or state ordered support.

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