6 months pregnant and so not prepared?

Question

i just turned 22 and my birthday present was finding out I am 6 months pregnant. At this point I am worried about the baby's health. I have not had prenatal care, I'm a smoker, I am broke, and I have am in the middle of a bipolar episode. Although I am keeping the option of adoption open, I am not going to make that decision until I am sure I want to give my baby up. The father (my boyfriend) knows and is stressed about finances. Wee're both in school him with a 1.5 years left, me with 3. He works on campus but I am unemployed due to my episode. I am going to a shelter because I can't tell my mother who already thinks I am a failure. His mom who always liked me will now too. I am almost 80% sure I want to keep my baby but I want to pursue my goals, and make sure I can provide for this child. I am so confused, And just looking for some guidance. Any young mothers have solid advice for a very confused young woman? I have no idea what to do and don't know what is right.

Ok for the three people who have responded thus far. I don't need your ignorance I need advice. I was on birth control and obviously I was in the 1% who it fails for. I also didn't know up until this point because my pregnancy tests can back negative twice, then i was misdiagnosed as having a thyroid problem, and then my doctor told me my blood work and urine were negative for pregnancy . I went back today for stomach pain thinking my appendix was swollen and another urine test said I was positive. I got an ultra sound and found out it was for 5 or 6 months now. I am not a drug addict, I am not a bad person. I am a good person who made a mistake and now has to own up to the consequences so before you judge me get the facts straight or just shut up if you aren[t going to answer my question. What are you doing in a pregnacy section if you dont know or have anything helpful to say about it.

I am going to a maternity home after chrsitmas they provided support, assistance, and medical care. I already have great insurance but through my mother and since I am keeping it from her I can't use it. I am also in therapy for my condition. For anyone who doesn't know 6 months is too late to abort and I don't think i would if I could (although I am pro-choice) it's not for me. If I go into this home they will set me up with an adoption family and if I decided to keep the baby they will help me get on my feet.

Answer 1

I don't know how much this will help -- but, if you read this section of Yahoo! Answers much, you'll notice the _incredible_ number of barely literate teen-agers (and some adults) who seem all too happy to have a baby on the way.

That they're barely able to string a sentence together and yet so frequently pleased by their situation with no worry as to parenting skills worries me. I am not inclined to be so worried about somebody with such a clear grasp of her situation.

Don't bank on that "...thinks I am a failure. His mom who always liked me will now too." She may surprise you; even if the reception to the news is a bit cold, a grandmother is unlikely to be too unpleasant.

Small children, in my experience, don't really notice or care if their parents are broke students. 20% of American women smoke. Bipolar disorder is treatable.

I hate to harp on "well, you're not doing too badly because other people are so much worse," but, really, I cringe at some of the future parents here. You're not sixteen, the father hasn't taken off (and sounds decent), you're in school. Etc. Yeah, a mistake/accident, but who hasn't had those? Focus and build on what you do have going for you.

My parents are well-off now, but weren't when I was very small; I only realise that in retrospect. Not a big deal at your age, or for a baby, given a visible and viable prosperous future. That you can write as well as you do is actually something to bank on. If you decide to keep your baby, and "almost 80% sure" suggests a lot of regret if you don't, the kid will, I assure you, appreciate having a bright mother -- even if her moods are a little weird. Even if she smokes, which, despite all the opprobrium here, was not at all weird or even particularly bad not that many years ago.

Sorry about the number of crappy answers you've received.

Answer 2

Sweetie I have been where you are You have to do whats best for the baby ! Is it really right to raise a child in a shelter is it for sure your boyfriend will marry you. Do you think it will last.! If not do you really want to put that darling baby though a divorce. Then no father figure.
You being bipolar doesn't help my DIL is bipoler and just your age has 2 children and was not able to pursue school hardly works and is depressed all the time very difficult on my son too. You should get your life together first before trying take care of another.
Its really a teddy bear complex . Tell your Mom.she will help you .
I am a Mom and I also told my mom of course they yell get mad but you are there kid They love you too.

Its hard to do to give up a child but I was just like you except no bipolar and I want to tell you I was glad I did give my son up because I could give him nothing but love and a baby needs so much more. I still think of him and hope someday we will meet. I will tell him why I choose adoption I had nothing to give but love.
Now adoption is more open you can meet parents interview them the agency's help with the birth of the baby.
Hugs honey its a hard decision.
Heres who I went too. Diane

Answer 3

I had just turned 23 when I got pregnant with my first. I thought I finally had my life together as I just started back to college then I found out I was pregnant. My fiance (hubby now) and I had just gotten engaged and we each lived at home with our own parents still. I don't have Bipolar disorder but I know it can't be easy. Have you taken any meds that may affect the baby? You should get that checked. I was not going to keep my son (I found out early enough and was going to have an abortion) but decided I could make it happen if I wanted to. He is now 8 1/2 and I also have a 4yr old and another on the way. All with the same father who I am happily married to.
It won't be easy but it parenthood never is. You have to take your baby's best interest in to consideration. Will you be able to handle this child as it gets older when you are in the middle of an episode? Can you control your episodes by meds or do you prefer to be med-free?
It is a tough call. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 4

Listen, most of us were scared to death! Don't worry so much about it. Having this child could turn you in the right direction toward a better life. And don't be so worried about your mom. She's your mom and that will never ever change no matter how much you mess up. Step up to the concequences you put upon yourself and prove to every one that might think you are failing in life, that you are capeable of being a good person and more importantly a wonderful mother. You are already proving that you love this child by concidering what is best for it. And for that simply you are a wonderful mother already. Be strong! Keep your head up. You are 22. I had my daughter when I was 23, and I was single and living out of my car for christ sake. Her father and I decided to get back together and we are happier than we have ever been with our 3 year old. Try not to dwell on the past. And look to the future. You are the only one that can make the decisions to take you down the path you were ment to take. Think about it. Are you strong enough to handle it? Is the father? We're all worried about money, but believe me girl! Once that baby is in your arms for the first time it all goes away. Completely! It's the most amazing feeling in the world, and all the sudden all the little things you used to worry about are just silly. Because compared to what you have to be responsable for when a child is in your life, all this stuff is nothing.
Good luck!

Answer 5

I am sorry about your situationn. You are in a very tough situatio and since I don't know well enough o give advice, it is very difficult to do so. How bad is your bi-polar condition? Are you sure that is what it is and not depression stemming from your mothers lack of confidence in you as an adult. The pursuit of Happiness is a curvy road indeed. I would pray about this as God would not give you what you cannot handle, even if you think otherwise. There is state help when it come to your situation. Go to your local health department and as about getting on WIC (Women infants and Children program) They will help you with the health issues and provide nutrious food vouchers for you and your baby when it is born. You will at least have milk and cereal and juice. You should qualify since you are unemployed right now. If you think that you could be a danger to your baby and harm it, i would consider adoption and there and many people out there looking for a baby to adopt. I think I know a couple in Oregon. I f you think you can handle it, Call DHS and get on medicaid....it will help you with the medical bills and doctor visits. Everyone has hard times and I hope you can get through yours. God bless.

Answer 6

You can keep your baby AND pursue your goals! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty! All over the world people are having children at young ages (HELLO that's why women get their PERIODS so they can start having kids). People can say all they want that you should have been careful, or you were naive, blah blah blah well guess what surprises in life come whether you are ready for them or not.

I became pregnant when I was 24 and had JUST been accepted to college! I waddled around that campus pregnant and sick, and occassionally I stopped to vomit in the restroom (once I vomitted on the sidewalk). I missed only 4 days of school after I gave birth.

There were many, many nights I had to stay up studying and I was so tired I would just start crying sometimes. I worked 16 hours a week also... I had my husband to help me, but he worked 12 hours a day and there was no family to help me... not anyone.

Don't worry about providing for your child. It is easy here in America. All over the world people raise kids without the luxuries we have here, and they turn out just fine. Go to DSHS and get help with your medications, healthcare, and money. Get foodstamps. Apply for financial aid... you may get enough to cover some rent! You will qualify for help with daycare. Don't buy unnecessary crap like baby baths (use the bathtub), baby swings, special baby towels, diaper changing tables... no baby needs these things really.

My cousin is a young single mother who works full time and goes to school at night. She commutes 4-5 hours a day total to work and school (she had to take a job in another city and the traffic here sucks). She gets help from the state, but it is hard.

My point is, you can get through school if you want to, but it will be hard... but will it be any harder than giving up your child? It won't be forever, you can do it!!!!

Oh and about the grandparents not liking your pregnancy... once they meet your child they will change their minds so fast you won't believe it! You should ask my sister about that one LOL....

Answer 7

Go to a women's shelter for counseling. It sounds like you have more going on in your life than anyone can handle. Quit smoking asap, let your doctor know you are pregnant as some bipolar medicine is dangerous for the baby. Decide what is best for you & the baby. Do not let others guilt you into the wrong decision - it is hard being a mother & a student made even harder by being bipolar. Think about talking to your Mom as sometimes Moms surprise us when we need them & your bipolar could make you think she considers you a failure when she doesn't. Good luck & try to take care of yourself.

Answer 8

Hi-when it comes to breastfeeding, knowledge is power. Take a class (the one offered at my OB's sucked but a different one I took with the next baby was given by a midwife and was awesome). I am going to give you a piece of advice that is crucial-once your baby is born, get him or her on your breast as soon as possible. People may tell you that the first night, you should sleep and let the hospital nurses care for your baby-don't buy it. Keep your baby at your breast and do not allow them to give him or her a bottle. Another key thing is to have your partner take your breastfeeding class with you. Even though you will be the star of the show, you will need his support and need him to know that this is a huge committment that has many wonderful payoffs. Make sure that those people closest to you are supporting you. i.e. maybe your own mother didn't breastfeed and won't tell you to stick with it when it becomes hard-get her on board ahead of time to offer encouragement in the (possiby) difficult early-going. Finally, although the Boppy works very well as a nursing pillow, I found the My Breast Friend (yes, that is really the name of it) pillow is even better. Check it out-it lived up to it's name. Good luck!

Answer 9

I am a mom and a birthmom. I'm also bipolar. I'd say the thing to do is to go to counseling right away. There are lots of agencies that can help you decide what is best for you and the baby. They can direct you to support groups for birthmothers, they can help you apply for medicaid and make budgeting plans. You also need to get to the doctor right away. If you can't afford one right now, there are places that can check you for free or cheap. But the thing to do is get hooked up with a caseworker who can help you examine your situation and make an informed decision. and of course, I'm always here if you want to ask quesitons

also, what meds are you on? many antidepressants are "safe" but I still don't trust them. I went off all of mine. nature has a way of regulating pregnant women.

Answer 10

First of all, please try to quit smoking. 2nd of all there are free clinics for prenatal care...seek one out. 3rd call Birthright. They helped me out. They offer help either decision you make. 800-550-4900. I decided to keep my baby. I was totally unprepared. I am glad I did not abort. That is so wrong. But, I never realized the problems I would face and how I had no idea how to handle them. I love my daughter..who is now almost 25 years old....but the most unselfish decision I could have made would have been to offer her to a family that could give her the things she needed that I could not give her. Yes, love is the most important thing...but money and stability are necessary for a babys care. There are so many needs for a baby, an infant, a toddler, a preschooler, a teenager, .....
Whatever you decide, please stay in school, and best to you. I hope you make the right decisions