Ok so my fiance and I both have full time jobs. However, he gets better bonuses than me and brings home almost 2x my paycheck. During a recent argument he told me that keeping the house clean, cooking dinner, and doing the dishes is my job because he makes more money than me. I honestly think he thinks this more because I'm a woman than anything. But anyways Is he in the wrong? Or is it really my job?
2006-12-11 16:46:29 · 24 answers · asked by angie b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Supposedly, it is our job but whose idea was that? Probably men. They love to say that. My husband tried that one and we make almost exactly the same. If I am not working, I do "my job" but if we both are working its "our job". If he keeps telling you that its YOUR job, tell him that you are going on strike. LOL! Watch the expression on his face.
P.S. If he doesn't pick up after himself (including laundry), clean everything but what he leaves lying around. If he complains, tell him that you are not his mother and that you also have a job that you go to everyday so why should you have to clean up after him. It worked for me.
2006-12-11 16:53:27 · answer #1 · answered by Kristen H 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No, it isn't your job, and if this is how he feels, thank God he is only your fiance and not your husband and you have found out how he feels about this before you actually married him. I firmly believe in living together before getting married...at least for a year, because then you get to know the real person and all the gross things they do and then you should decide if you want to get married or not. You should try talking to him and telling him the jobs around the house need to be split between ya'll. Try to make it fun by maybe picking which room is going to be yours by writing all the rooms down and picking from a cup/hat. If he doesn't like that approach, girl, you better move on because you will be in for a heck of a ride.
2006-12-12 00:55:02 · answer #2 · answered by Corona 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, he's wrong. Just because he makes more money than you doesn't mean he works harder or more hours than you. If that were the case, maybe he'd have a case. Really though, you say you both work full time, so your job at home should be the same as his job at home. Half and half or whatever you feel like. My lover and I are currently working on a schedule and we take turns cooking, cleaning and other things. Usually, I get away with doing less work though, because I'm lazy and don't mind eating instant noodles and living in a mess, but it actually hasn't caused any problems because sometimes he's the same way.
2006-12-12 00:52:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think housework should be divided according to who is home more and who makes more of a mess, NOT by gender. It sounds like he is living in the '50s a little bit and maybe his parents/family instilled this antique belief in him. If it's not this way already, make sure that you both pick up after yourselves at all times (dishes in the dishwasher automatically, clothes in the clothes hamper, bathroom items put away after use, etc). Everything else should be a joint effort; like he takes the garbage out and you unload the dishwasher when it's clean (or vice versa) and you both make the bed, etc. Dinner should be a joint effort as well. Maybe one of you picks up groceries on the way home and the other one cooks, OR one person peels the potatoes and dices the carrots and the other one cooks them, etc. Money and gender should have NOTHING to do with it. If he makes a huge mess and expects you to clean up after him because he makes more money, you need to stand your ground and fix this problem because it's just not fair because you're not his housekeeper, you're his future wife.
2006-12-12 00:56:51 · answer #4 · answered by Quintessa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's wrong. As a modern man, I see the value of sharing everyday household responsibilities between a couple. However, if one's job is more physically demanding (i am assuming that you don't have children together yet) then I can see that person getting a bit of a break.
That said, if either you decide to become a housewife or he decides to become Mr. Mom, then the person who stays at home should shoulder more of the household chores. HOWEVER this does not give license to the other to just get home and plop down in front of the T.V.
2006-12-12 00:54:19 · answer #5 · answered by Vince 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO, we live in 2006 not 1806! Tell this guy to wake up and smell the coffee. Housework shoule be shared. When one slacks off a little or doesn't have time the othe should pick up where they left off. Maybe you should divide the chores so that no matter who does what you know what you are responsible for and he knows what is expected of him as well. Make him do the laundry or take care of the bathroom those are my least favorite.
2006-12-12 00:59:09 · answer #6 · answered by benjiandremy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO! Nothing in a relationship is "someone's job", unless you have both sat down and agreed upon which chores each of you will take on. It's unfortunate that he is placing this burden on you, and it's not just the actual work, it's the fact that he is degrading you in such a way as to say that it is up to you to do something just because he makes more money.
2006-12-12 00:52:32 · answer #7 · answered by missapparition 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Girl if you have to ask this question........then? Gone are the days when women sit at home and take commands from their husbands, unless thats just what they want to do. Get a grip, and pull yourself together. You better put your foot down and fast. If he is the bread winner then tell him to try doing it all by himself. Im sure two incomes is alot better than one.
2006-12-12 00:57:11 · answer #8 · answered by sgame00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it's not your job,your job is where you go to work and get paid. now if he has to put in plenty of hours and is tired and has no time to pitch in then you should pick up the slack at home but it is a shared responsibility to keep a home. next time he wants sex is it your job,in a relationship the only job is taking care of each other and it is more a pleasure than a job.
2006-12-12 01:07:21 · answer #9 · answered by looken4answers 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is absolutely in the wrong. It would be different if you had no job at all.. then I would expect that you should be happy to do the things around the house. BUT NO... you have a job! I'd make it real clear to him right now that you don't share his views.
2006-12-12 00:49:55 · answer #10 · answered by mosaic 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋